He won't accept we're separated

[cece]

We split nearly three months ago after I found out about an inappropriate relationship with another woman. It's not the first time and I said if it happened again we'd split. So we have.

However, he's still messaging me daily to ask me to talk about saving our marriage. I've told him repeatedly I don't want to talk about this as it's over. I feel trapped. He's just not listening to me.

He probably thought that moving out would mean you would realise what a prize he is and so lead you to beg him to try again. As a pp said, he dislikes that you have taken control

He was already planning to be out tonight as he said he couldn't help out with the DC...

Hmmmm have his on shag pad whilst hoping over time to worm his way back in when you find it really hard to cope on your,

Called hedging your bets I reckon 🤷🏽‍♀️

You are doing really well. You should be proud of the steps you have taken so far. X

I do hope your dcs are not witnessing his awful behaviour. It will make them feel very unsafe (even if they are 18+ &NT) and they certainly aren't likely to respect him, or, possibly, feel safe with him. Have you been able to make him aware of this?

Well, he doesn't get to decide it's 'too early', does he? You made the decision that it's time. End of.

Yes he keeps saying it's too soon to get legal.

Newsflash, lil' buddy. You don't get to make that call . . .

You are entitled to move at a pace that's right for you. If he can't 'deal' with that, that's his problem. I'm sure there are plenty sources of support out there he can tap.

My understanding is that divorce in the UK can take up to two years. Since you are sure the marriage is dead, I'd say it's none too soon to start 'getting legal'. Thank God I live in a 'no fault' divorce state (in the US). Six months, done and dusted.

Bottom line is that he wants to control the divorce thinking that doing so will get the best 'deal' he can for himself. And enable to him start hiding assets (if any) before he has to put them on a legal declaration.

I've just had a WhatsApp message

I'm begging you to reconsider. I love you and want to make you and the kids happy. Nothing else matters

Assuming you are 100% done I would just reply

"But you don't love us enough to not have yet another affair"

"You can make us happy by signing the papers".
I'm sorry @cece.

I've always found tears, snot and begging such a turn-off. He had his chance. He blew it. You're done. On your time-line and terms. Not his.

"You didn't love me and our kids enough not to have an affair, that's the only thing that matters"

Have you started to tell people about his affair, does his family know. They might help him get his his round it.

If he lived you he wouldn't have cheated on you. He basically shit all over your relationship. You set boundaries and then he did it again. I'm sorry but he knew what he stood to lose and clearly didn't think you would follow through.

None of this is your fault. It lies with him.

Notwithstanding the above, you need to do what is right for you whatever that is, but certainly don't be guilt tripped into anything.

*loved, not lived.

Normally Grey rock is the way to go.
But in this case, i would reply.
"Do grow up, You are shagging around.
I am done"

@fraglesrock. I love your reply.

And the others too 😀

Send them all to him

"No, you don't want to make us happy, you want your actions to be devoid of consequences, and you didn't think I meant what I said last time. Grow up and deal with it."

"If all that matters is the kids and I being happy, and you would do anything for us to prove your love - sign the divorce papers"

That's what I would say.

^^ What SirChing said.

Thanks all. I'm going to try and get some sleep. Knackered.

Rooting for you op

Hope you are ok