He won't accept we're separated

[cece]

We split nearly three months ago after I found out about an inappropriate relationship with another woman. It's not the first time and I said if it happened again we'd split. So we have.

However, he's still messaging me daily to ask me to talk about saving our marriage. I've told him repeatedly I don't want to talk about this as it's over. I feel trapped. He's just not listening to me.

Just ignore him. He'll receive your reply to his 'moving forward' comment in a day or two.

Although 'moving forward' could also mean he's accepted the situation. 🤷🏼‍♀️

The problem Cece, is that if you want to split from your husband you will have to find a way to find the money to pay to house yourself and your kids.

The amount he is expected to give you in maintenance for the kids is 20% of his net salary provided they spend less than 53 nights a year at his house, if they spend more time with him you get less. If he is not being paid, you get nothing.

Don’t count on spousal maintenance, it is very rare to get it and often is capped at the maximum amount you could get before starting loosing your benefits/UC/tax allowance. I do not know what the maximum is these days but it used to be about £300 a month.

It is possible to get a Mesher order in your favour to stay at the former marital home until your kids are 18, but you will still need to pay the mortgage yourself.

Obviously you can go to court to get a higher chunk of the assets, and you should buy, it won’t come cheap. Remember, once the guy goes, most of his money goes with him, so it is important to gradually reduce your level of financial dependance on him before you push for one of you to leave the house.

I'm perfectly aware I have to house myself and the kids. We are quite financially separate anyway as he's always controlled the majority of our money as he considers it his money.

I'm happy to sell and buy a smaller place with my share of the equity plus a mortgage. I do not expect anymore than the usual child maintenance.

I reckon he will be a complete arse, please do not settle for walking away with only 50% when you have all the DC to still house and he has much higher earning potential and presumably a better pension?

You will have to pay out for a solicitor as he won't make this easy to ensure you get a true fair share of the assets.

Are your DC with SEN likely to be able to live independently as adults etc.? If not that is another factor.

I do wonder how much of this is because he doesn't want to have handover your share of the assets and adjust his lifestyle...

I suspect a lot of it is about not wanting to split the money.

My sen child might be able to live separately but would probably need supervision. I can see him living at home when he's an adult.

Well that needs to be a huge part of the financial settlement, not to mention none of your DC will be able to financially move out at 18, probably more like 30 with rent prices the way they are.

He really is a complete git

I've found a packing list. Looks like he's going to move out. Maybe he is doing a double blufff and going to surprise me by moving out when I'm at work

He seems to be planning on taking most of my cooking stuff

😂😂😂😂

Can you move the expensive stuff to your car boot/a friends (wish I still lived up the road).

Unless he is planning on packing up your stuff and locking you out (illegally)

I've put a load of photos and the laptop in my car. I can take them to work on Monday and leave them there

I have a Court Order that my XH has to pay maintenance for our SEN child until he is financially independent. This is likely to be for the rest of XH life as it is very unlikely DS1 will be independent

Put anything you wouldn't be happy replacing in the boot and hide your keys

Does he enjoy cooking or would it be a way of denying you your nice things?

He does cook but could easily afford to buy new. I would struggle to replace it because of costs

Looks like you need to remove as much as possible. Can I just a proper lock for your bedroom door? Seriously put stuff in there.

Take jewellery anything else is sentimental or £ to work.

If you've got anything like Le Creuset or good knives, whack that in the back of the car too. Bugger him.

Jewellery!!

I'm quite looking forward to him leaving. I'm going to change my locks....

SIL Ex took the most valuable things out of the bottom of her jewellery box so she didn't notice until months after

Does he have spare keys for your car still?

Is there any way to check his bank records to see if he's paid a deposit to a rental company or similar? That might give you an idea of when he's planning on leaving.

I'd get my stuff out, too, but then I'd confront him with the list and ask him exactly what he was planning on doing with these things.

He said something strange about not being here on Tuesday when I asked him yesterday to help with one of the dc and their hobby.

I suspect Monday or Tuesday when I'm at work

Take any valuables and give to someone trustworthy.

Ooh good luck, do you have all the important documents hidden away?