Update 3. I’ve sent the text

[Coronade]

Hi all
Well it’s been a hard week. He was out with her all day Thursday but I was set on my plan to text him tonight when he was supposed to be away with her.
Found some nice dick pics he’d sent her and some of her in lingerie (he deleted them but forgot about the recently deleted file - thanks iPhone).
So I’ve take some of his stuff round to our new doer upper house with his quilt, pillow, camp bed and toiletries. I text him my message at 3.15pm basically saying I know about the affair ( I included her full nam) , that I don’t want him in our home again and that his stuff is round the other house. Also said I wanted to keep things as civil as possible for the children and that i didn’t want to see him again but hoped he would maintain a good relationship with them. No names, no swearing. It was very to the point. He read the message at 3.32 and was straight on WhatsApp (to her I assume).
No phone all begging for forgiveness (not that I want it) no response at all.
He is out today due back soon so I’m sitting in my friends drive with the dog waiting for her to get home. Telling DD when I collect her from work in a bit and DS will have to wait till tomorrow as he’s out drinking with his friends. So I’ve done it. It was so bloody hard to press the send key but I just kept visualising the pic he sent her if his hairy balls 🤮 really!!!!
Will keep you posted. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I’m dreading telling his mum too - I know he won’t - she will be devastated.

Well done.

Please get him to leave though- he will try and grind you down.

I would actually tell him you will tell the OWs DH if he doesn't go.

Oh dear, I’m betting the affair will end now as OW will be terrified her DH will find out.

If not he will jump as soon as he’s given the green light from her.

Don’t cave and feel sorry for him! He will fuck you over! When is he telling his Mum 🤣 I’m guessing he’ll be there for Christmas. He he he.

Please get an STI test if you've had to keep up sexual relations so he doesn't suspect anything

Be very careful, when the sobbing and apologising gets him nowhere he will return to the nasty aggressive individual he was before. Be on guard and get him out as soon as possible.

There is a strong possibility now OP that the OW will end the affair - she's probably shitting herself right now.

And he will want to crawl back into your good books. Just be prepared.

I personally wouldn't let him sleep in the garden shed let alone the spare room............. you're very generous under the circumstances.

With your daughter - encourage her to talk about it with people other than you. You have told her a lot of stuff so at some point she will need to rage about and ‘let out’.

Tbh I think you did the right thing telling her but the damage will be if she hasn’t got an outlet (trying to be strong for you).

I am so proud of you! I remember the original post and you are the true meaning of women power! You have clearly raised fabulous children too.
I agree it's sad the DD doesn't like her dad but that's all on him now you.

OP you're an amazing and strong woman but please tell the OW's husband what's happening(he deserves to know). Even your DS should know. My little sister found out when she was 12 years old(about my "mum's" affair),it made her stronger and not feeling left out/lied to(children know when something is wrong,they sense it).

Tell her dh, it's not fair that he doesn't know

You have done a brilliant job in staying so strong
It's all crocodile tears and lying bs OP.
You need to be so wary of him because he is still extremely abusive because that's the true him.
He's putting on an act at the moment but the fact that you have seen through it will make him so angry inside.

Don't believe one word that comes out of his mouth.

He's trying to manipulate you with the pity party, when it doesn't work he'll turn nasty.

Stay strong - you are doing amazingly well.
Sounds like your DD has been watching this come and is not surprised a all.

I would kick him out. Doesn't deserve the spare room. Would tell the tarts husband too, he deserves to know what she's been doing.

Bet she has split up with your husband, that's why he came back crying. She only wanted him for fun, not for keeps. What a sad loser he is, he's lost everything.

*"But is it wrong for me to say I feel a little euphoric!!"

No. I felt similar after I had confronted XH.

Finally it was out and I was on the path to freedom.

OP you have been so strong and so brave, and well done for telling your daughter that you should not have accepted it and that she should not in the future.

Oh my god you are amazing!! You've handled this with grace and dignity in the face of so much shit.

I told him I’m happy for him to see the OW if she makes him happy ( life will be easier if he goes off with her).

This is the single best thing you could have done. BRILLIANT. He expected you to play the pick me dance, her to probably not leave her husband so he could have his cake and eat it too without losing either of you.

I suspect in fact she won't want the reality of being with him and therefore he will now need to start again from the ground up alone. Good.

Your daughter sounds great and a real anchor - when my dad left I was a bit of a mess for a while and think mum and I whipped each other up into drama and anger. So it's fab she is firm on this too.

Sending you so much love, you've been so strong

Wow! If the house is sold can you buy two smaller places? Not the fixer upper as planned.

You are strong, and seeing things v clearly. Just get out and let her have him. Id say he feelsca prat begging to stay in the spare bedroom while you dont care if he sees her or not. 🍷

Well done OP - you sound amazingly strong, positive and focussed. Watch out for the come down from that as it could make you vulnerable to his sob-story.

I would totally tell the OW’s husband. She (and your h) put a bomb under your marriage - why the hell should she get off Scot free? Plus he deserves to know that he is sharing his life with someone with the morals of an alley-cat.

Of course he's sad and sorry now.

He's sorry that he got found out, he's sorry that his sordid affair is in the open. He's sad and shocked because he thought he had all the power and has found out that is not the case.

This kind of sadness passes. Then he will blame you. It will become your fault that he was driven to it in the first place. It will be your fault for breaking up the family because you won't roll over and forgive him. It will be your fault for being money-grabbing. When all that shit comes, remember IT IS NOT TRUE.

Hi all. Just told DS. He said he woulda have put up with the behaviour but because it’s your parents you accept it. He said it will be ok.
God he keeps wanting to talk!! I don’t want to there is nothing he can say. I have no feelings for him what so ever. I feel dead inside. I think that’s why I’ve been so calm as I had no feelings left for him. He broke my heart long before this with his treatment of me. I keep continually reinforced my point that there is no going back and he needs to change for the children not me. Told him again he can keep seeing OW. He is already mopping about like a sick puppy but I don’t care.

Really hoping OW leaves her husband and they shack up together.
Yes I know it’s still an act if he was truely remorseful he wouldn’t have tried to make out it was in my head and he also phoned her straight after talking to me on the phone yesterday. Just hoping by staying calm and playing nice we can be out of this situation as painlessly as possible. If his act does change back to type then I will have to rethink. He will also risk alienating the children.

I would imagine the OW is furious with him too. It's one thing for you to have 'suspicions' about him, and quite another that you know dates, details and her name. She must be raging that he was so stupid. (if he's told her everything).
And she must be terrified that it all comes out. Good!

Yes I can also imagine OW is totally panicking. Good too. How awful for people to hurt others.

Although it sounds as if he was not worth the trouble OP.

I’ve been taking in all the posts over the years, and of my own situation, and seeing imho that many men who cheat, it’s part of an abusive pattern. I’m realizing that about my own relationship.

I think for some people the secrecy, the illicit nature is what makes the affair fun. Not only have you behaved with absolute dignity in a dreadful situation and are not begging him to stay, you have also shone a light on his sordid shenanigans and shown him that it’s just a dirty little romp.
For the first time he probably realises what an utter twunt he is.
Well done you’re amazing.

I think it will be very hard to stay living in same house together until new housing is ready. If he was as truly remorseful as he says he is, perhaps he could demonstrate that through finding somewhere else to stay?

Agree @French I think the probably glamorized their affair. It made them more interesting exciting human beings they thought.

My DP would say ‘I’m such a rogue’.

Now the reality hits OP. It’s not interesting. It’s cheap, tacky and sordid.

You are an inspiration. Don’t hesitate to call the police if he in any way becomes aggressive with you. This piece of shit has form. He’ll soon grow tired of the having to do the crocodile tears when he knows you mean business. I would t be surprised if he gets nasty. You do not have to put up with any of that any more. He can take his hairy balls and fuck the fuck off xx