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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Update 3. I’ve sent the text

240 replies

Coronade · 23/11/2019 16:27

Hi all
Well it’s been a hard week. He was out with her all day Thursday but I was set on my plan to text him tonight when he was supposed to be away with her.
Found some nice dick pics he’d sent her and some of her in lingerie (he deleted them but forgot about the recently deleted file - thanks iPhone).
So I’ve take some of his stuff round to our new doer upper house with his quilt, pillow, camp bed and toiletries. I text him my message at 3.15pm basically saying I know about the affair ( I included her full nam) , that I don’t want him in our home again and that his stuff is round the other house. Also said I wanted to keep things as civil as possible for the children and that i didn’t want to see him again but hoped he would maintain a good relationship with them. No names, no swearing. It was very to the point. He read the message at 3.32 and was straight on WhatsApp (to her I assume).
No phone all begging for forgiveness (not that I want it) no response at all.
He is out today due back soon so I’m sitting in my friends drive with the dog waiting for her to get home. Telling DD when I collect her from work in a bit and DS will have to wait till tomorrow as he’s out drinking with his friends. So I’ve done it. It was so bloody hard to press the send key but I just kept visualising the pic he sent her if his hairy balls 🤮 really!!!!
Will keep you posted. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I’m dreading telling his mum too - I know he won’t - she will be devastated.

OP posts:
Pumpkinpie1 · 23/11/2019 21:12

I would send the photos to his mum balls , lingerie OW and all, let him him explain all that to her

Brenna24 · 23/11/2019 21:14

Well done. I hope that your children take it as well as can be expected. Best of luck for the future. Oh and that was very dignified. Go you!

Cherrysoup · 23/11/2019 21:15

Lord, you are my heroine!

SuperficialSuzie · 23/11/2019 21:22

Well done OP, keep strong Flowers

middlemuddle · 23/11/2019 21:23

I've been following your threads from the beginning and I'm amazed by how well you have handled this and kept your emotions in check in order for it all to pan out this way. I hope your kids are ok, and of course you.

MsRomanoff · 23/11/2019 21:29

Well done op. You have been amazing. So dignified. I wish you well. Flowers

HowDoYouLikeThoseSuedeApples · 23/11/2019 21:37

Have an unmumsnetty hug and a Brew Flowers

Shesalittlemadam · 23/11/2019 21:38

@Coronade Are you ok? X

Stupiddriver1 · 23/11/2019 21:49

Just read the previous thread. Well done,hope it goes as smoothly as possible.

Hopingtobeamum · 23/11/2019 22:03

I've been following your updates. You're strong and smart, keep believing in yourself x

venusandmars · 23/11/2019 22:16

Well done!

You can not predict how he will respond - apologies, anger, angst, denial..

And you must tell people in real life (including his mum) in the same factual way as you have put it here.

Bloodymary · 23/11/2019 22:25

6 hours and OP hasn't answered...……..bit of a worry.

middlemuddle · 23/11/2019 22:39

Hope you are safe op

fit4more · 23/11/2019 22:43

Hope you’re ok OP

NewNameForMeNewNameForMe · 23/11/2019 22:46

Hope you are OK OP. Where will you & the kids live once the house is sold? You say you have been doing up properties. Will you have enough money out of your 50% to buy something small outright? Will the other house be sold too as a fixer-upper? Will you need to sell both together to give you enough to buy onwards?

Its likely ex will potentially wash his hands of doing any future work because he won't want to increase your financial gain on either house & of course he has the fixer-upper as somewhere to stay now, whereas you & the kids potentially stand to be homeless if the first house is sold.

I was in a similar situation 12 years ago, but with much younger DC. Ex stopped doing any work on the house & I had to pay someone to do it or we'd never have sold it for enough to enable me to buy something for me & the kids outright out of my split. Flowers

Heartburn888 · 23/11/2019 22:50

She might just need a bit of time on her own to process what has happened and may be consoling her children.

I’m sure she will be back with a positive update. You’ve done so well OP, I can only dream of being as strong as you have been.

Flowers
manybirdsnests · 23/11/2019 22:51

I've been following since the holiday.
Bloody good for you!! You're well shot of the bastard.

Hope your children both take it OK.
Stay strong. You know - you're going to be fine. This will probably turn out to be the best thing that you've ever done.

WitchDancer · 23/11/2019 22:54

That was a very mature way of handling this, you are awesome! There's a hand to hold here if you need it 🤝

HazelBite · 23/11/2019 22:59

Hope you are okay OP?
You've done so well.
'

Themazeoflife · 23/11/2019 23:01

Just checking that this thread is the update from the holiday nightmare?

MrsMozartMkII · 23/11/2019 23:03

Sending you a handhold through this lass.

littlepaddypaws · 23/11/2019 23:07

full respect to you op, all best wishes to you and your dc for now and in the future. totally amazing.

Clearnightsky · 23/11/2019 23:15

Well done.

Don’t read too much into his reactions over the next days, weeks. He will panic, lie, be angry, be sad, maybe retract, but don’t react to him.

Steady your own course. His stuff is just noise now. Keep it distant.

HollowTalk · 23/11/2019 23:21

Blimey, just read the last threads. You are incredible! How did you find out?

LadyB49 · 23/11/2019 23:53

I've only read this thread and am in awe of you. Brave lady well done. A good example to you children of what not to put up with.