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Original poster

Should my DP accompany his ex and child...

190 replies

CiderRosie · 20/08/2007 14:02

I don't know what is 'ettiquette' really - DP has a ten year old child and when she's in school concerts (for example), DP goes along and sits with his ex to watch, then they go out for tea, stuff like that.

The thing is, my DP lives about 350 miles away from his daughter and his ex and so visiting is limited to maybe once a month, when he spends a couple of days with them (he doesn't stay in the house with them). So I can accept that it is hard for them all, but should I get so stressed that they still behave like a family?

OP posts:
Baffy · 22/08/2007 10:47

So he's said that if you buy a place together then he will get dd to come and stay and you will get to meet her?

But you're not willing to give up your independence and fully commit to him in that way?
(Understandable I guess if he's not giving you good reasons to trust that he is fully committed to you!)

But unless there is give and take, how are you ever going to get anywhere with the situation?

Speccy · 22/08/2007 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CiderRosie · 22/08/2007 11:36

Speccy, I don't know what it is. I most certainly don't know why I haven't ended this relationship by now because in the past, I would have. There is something keeping me hanging on. People go mad at me on these forums, and I can understand why. I hate myself for it, but there is still something, as if one day a bloody path will appear and we'll look at each other and wonder why we never saw that before...

OP posts:
Speccy · 22/08/2007 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CiderRosie · 22/08/2007 11:42

I don't know, Speccy... in the great scheme of things, three years isn't much. I'm 46 years old, he's nearly 50. What do you do, cut loose and start again, or hang in and have a last go at changing things, or get used to it and try and turn things round in your mind that life ain't so bad after all?

OP posts:
tribpot · 22/08/2007 12:47

I don't understand how he can reasonably say you can't meet his dd whilst you live in a house that he doesn't own. Eh? Is dd going to be traumatised that her dad isn't on the deeds of the property?

warthog · 22/08/2007 12:56

sounds to me like you are not able to make the decision to stay or go yet. i think you need more time to weigh all the arguments and work out what the magic is that keeps you there. talking about it is a way of moving forward. i'd give yourself more time.

glastocat · 22/08/2007 18:21

Zayna, don't you get bored posting this? You have been posting this thread and variations of same for three years now, here and the other place. Only you seem to have given up asking in the other place because everyone is tired of going over the same old ground. I know you say that you get different feedback here because this is a parents forum, but from what I can see everyone is telling you the exact same thing ? your man is wrong wrong wrong and you shouldn't have to put up with this. You haven?t been able to change his mind or actions in three years I doubt if you will now. So, I guess you have to decide to put up with it (and I think you?d be mad to, but it?s your decision). Or you can get rid.

You know, the only thing different here is not the subject matter, but your voice. You used to sound full of life and fun, now you sound defeated and sad. Zayna, fercrissakes, WHERE is your slipper?

Fireflyfairy2 · 22/08/2007 20:20

I thought I was imagining it that I had read all this before.

It's sad that you have to keep going over it & still have no outcome.

MrsMarvel · 23/08/2007 12:01

Cider, you are stuck. You don't want to make a decision. You are explaining and analysing and as soon as you start to understand another angle appears for you (and us) to analyse.

Stop thinking. Make a decision. My Dad used to say this to me. It doesn't matter if it's the wrong decision, you'll learn from it.

Tell us what you are going to do.

MamaMaiasaura · 23/08/2007 12:08

ciderrose, I have 1ds. He is 7 and have been split from his father for about 6 years. HE is in a nother relationship (long term and serious) and so am I.

In terms of school events, such as special assemblys etc my ex partner comes when he can. He lives very locally so gets to see ds everyother week. Despite this we always sit together for things like concerts for DS as we are there as ds's parents and not as a couple. He is my ds's dad, nothing will change that. Personally i think my ex partner is a prat but he is my ds's dad and at the end of the day that is what is important.

I think you need to try and get over the insecurities you are feeling over this ciderrose.

ernest · 23/08/2007 20:13

awen, it isn't insecurities about seating plans tho. did you just read op? whole more can of worms going on.

dragonstitcher · 23/08/2007 20:53

I don't think there is a right or wrong way where etiquette is concerned. The right way is whatever everyone feels comfortable with, but mostly what makes the child happy.

DH, his ex, her bf and I have always gone to concerts, weddings, birthday parties etc together. All very civilized.

MamaMaiasaura · 23/08/2007 21:55

tbh hadnt read whole thread. ONly answered OP question. If a whole can of worms why didnt she say at the beginning. ho hum. Anyhow, will pootle off now

MrsMarvel · 24/08/2007 14:28

Many of these threads are can of worms. If we knew what was troubling us, we'd be able to work answers out ourselves...

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