Dating thread 174 - where we remind everyone of rule no.13

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@shitwithsugaron, I am pleased you are not messaging him, just leave it to him, as you say he should be checking in with you too.

@PinkMonkeyBird I think it would be ok to meet adult children, and wouldn't over think it.

I'm getting frustrated, I seem to waste ages chatting to men who then 'vanish' as the rules state so I shouldn't be surprised, but it just feels like such a waste of energy. I'm putting my bad luck down to where I am and how logistically to meet anyone it would be a long drive.

Mr Straight said he would like to meet me if he was closer, I expect he will get lots of potentials though, as he is in a big city. :-(

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking I don't know the full story about Mr Beard, but I take it he is cooling off?

Do you ladies normally 'reach out' to men who you have had a chat with and they haven't followed up, or just leave it?

Depends on the chat. Most of the time, no.

@bangheadhere40 thanks. I just don't want to be too hasty. I probably am over thinking it.

Not been on here for a day and can’t keep up!

But @bangheadhere40 I wonder that too. My chats seem to divide into ones who want to meet meet me within 20 mins of matching and are looking to hook up and then ones I like as people and get on with but who chat and don’t want to meet. Mr Beardish and Mr Everyman are still around but the former is beginning to seem a bit whiny (yeh mate, you hate your job, I get it) and I suspect the latter is chatting to many as he is a bit on and off. The nearer it gets to Christmas the less time I will have for any of them as work, social and family commitments ramp up so thinking they may tail off...

MrSexBloke has texted me this morning. Despite excitement of Sunday night I am 50/50 about meeting again. It is definitely just sex and the me who was lying on my couch alone on Sunday after a boozy weekend with friends was up for it, but the me who has just spent 24 hours with my kids and at work being my usual grown up self finds it harder to contemplate such a rash move as having sex with a virtual stranger. I want to and yet it doesn’t sit with my image of me (and cannot help thinking how appalled my DD would be, not that she would ever find out) (@Jane1978xx I am 52. Old enough to know better)

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking not sure if you are able to share your fuller profile with me but for what it’s worth your picture is lovely and I am sure you will find your William soon - sorry you feel let down by Mr Beard

@shitwithsugaron aw you are so lovely on here, and supportive to others, I hope you work it out with Mr B. He needs to get his act together

On lunch hour at work and on phone so sorry can’t respond to everyone but will pop in later x Love to all

Good luck tonight shit.

Pink my DC are in their 20s - they met Mr BC when we'd been together for about 4 months (Mr BC came with me to my mother's funeral). They liked him, but because they don't live with me they haven't met him again. It was fine, I think, because they're happy if I'm happy (did something right when I was raising those boys!) and they rather despaired of my ex's (their father) behaviour towards me.

banghead he said he wasn't happy with the idea of a long distance relationship and cancelled our 2nd date. We still chat though.

Personally i don't think you can rule things out without taking a risk and trying them out so I'm torn between trying to... not force him hand, but persuade him to give us a try... and just accepting that this is a dealbreaker for him and leaving him to stew.

It seems sad to rule something out on the basis of distance which, after all, is not immutable unlike height or having children etc but he's entitled to his own feelings.

Here's the tldr end of the msg i sent him after he told me he was cancelling:

"Phew. That was a lot of words. Long story short - please stay in touch and if you feel like taking a risk one day maybe we can be brave together and see if this is something or nothing. I'm not going to sit around and wait for you, I'm not that girl, but I am focusing more on what I already have, now, so...

Oh - and don't get too hung up on staying where you are. Life changes all the time and just because you've bought a house and got a job doesn't mean you have to stay in a situation that makes you unhappy. It's just stuff.

Take care x"

And I'm not sitting around and waiting for him. I'm sitting around obsessing... and now I need to go bang my head

Sorry if I'm boring you all. You're basically my defacto journal atm... only you provide useful opinions which is even better.

@weeping....we can bang our heads together. :-= That is how I feel it may end with Mr Straight, I could follow things up and he may want a date, and I'm sure there would be an attraction there, but then I would be upset if he then came back with the distance being an issue. TBF he has said that already, but on the same hand says he would really like to meet me.

I like your message you sent, and you are right that things are just 'stuff'....

I guess we have to just keep going x

@UtterSocks if you wanted to meet up with sexbloke there is nothing wrong with that at all !!

@jane I was thinking about sex last night, and the fact I haven't had any in years.

MrStraight is a guy I could definitely see it happening with, I'm not sure if I am up for a FWB though. I always think I would want more.....

@bangheadhere40. Are you on Pof ? There is a nearby feature on there and you can message people. That’s how I found mr Friday 😂 he was the closest. Althou I would never tell him that.

Currently sorting dates 2 and 3. After the weekend misunderstanding 😂. 2 being a drink tomorrow as an interim then something the sat after. I am thinking of something to do and I don’t think eat pizza and sh*g would be the answer he is looking for 😂😂

@UtterSocks if you feel ok with the situation then go for it!

I was whining about my job, so I am probably MissWhiney if these men have such a similar thread!

FWB to me just seems like you are always stuck in month 2 of a relationship. So you go on dates and have sex etc. But you never get to anything else 🤷🏼‍♀️. When I’ve done things like that when I was young it was people I knew or who were in an extended friendship group and you paired off. Rather than someone met for the purpose

@Jane1978xx yes POF. I do live remotely though, and on the nearby section there was about 10 men, all undesirables. Is it Mr Friday you are seeing this weekend? is he the one you saw last time?

he'd probably love it Jane!

I don’t think I can say oh I messaged you as you were the closest man that didn’t look like a psycho 😂 And was online at 3am when I was pissed. We went out Friday and are going out tomorrow then the weekend after (it’s my weekend with my daughter this weekend)

I meant he would love the pizza and a shag part ;-)

Ohhhh 😂😂. I’m not sure after the weekend confusion of me thinking he wanted to come over when he didn’t. Seems more of a slow burner

@shitwithsugaron I hope your MOCK goes okay, I’m sure it will. Make sure you get plenty sleep, have a decent breakfast and go into your exam well hydrated.

MrNN flies out to the states tomorrow morning for a week, then he’s going home to Sweden for a few days. It’ll be December when he’s back, how is it nearly xmas?! He’s staying over tonight, so lets see how that goes.

Had a bit of a disagreement last night, nothing serious. He was planning to go back to Sweden just before xmas and stay until we visit at the end of January. I pointed out that if that was the case I would have to cancel my visit as I can’t leave MiniSJT with my cousin for three days (as much as I’d love to!) and I can’t take him to see someone he hasn’t seen in seven weeks, even if we are only going to spend a few hours together each day. So he’s now coming back just before NYE and visiting his parents mid January for a few days.

Pizza and a shag was my last date. Seemed to work out quite well for both of us

Haha @Jane1978xx sounds like me, I am two people (hookup impulse me and normal me). But sounds like a good 3am call on your part, enjoy your date tomorrow

@BatshitCrazyWoman I find my DS is totally open to me doing OLD and my DD is not. Maybe a son/daughter thing? My boy is very cool and supportive (not that I confide in him but I could if I wanted to) I would have to scrape my daughter off the ceiling if I told her what I’d been up to

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking I thought your message to him was perfectly pitched. I work in the same profession as you and can tell you are a wordsmith!

@bangheadhere40 distance thing sounds hard. I live in a big city and my mileage parameters are so narrow I wouldn’t be surprised to find an iron living in a hitherto undisclosed room in my actual house. But that brings its own issues as would hate to run into any of them in the local shop !

I want pizza and a shag, sounds perfect and not complicated 🤣