Dating thread 174 - where we remind everyone of rule no.13

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Checking in . Joined tinder today. Fingers crossed

Met someone a couple of months back, he was quite full on at the beginning. Now seems to blow hot and cold. Spidey senses are tingling.
I wondered what he saw in me, not to sell myself short but I’d been single for years, over weight, not taken care of myself etc and he’s fit, generous etc but my gut is telling me he’s not genuine. Maybe I just have trust issues. I wonder how many other people he speaks to on dating apps etc.

@Ginghampanther I paused my apps for now as it does seem a lot at this time of year and I’ll see how things go with the one I’ve met.

That is a good first date ! I’m not great with eating in front of people I don’t know 😬 so maybe a nice pub somewhere

@AtSea1979. Have you met in person ?

@Jane, maybe a pub meal....

I've been chatting to MrStraight, not much humour but seems a nice chap.

Again, lives a long way away from me. I like a bit of humour, he seems very straight laced.

I do live remotely though, about an hour from the nearest city, it seems much more difficult.

Jane1978xx yes, been seeing him a couple of months.

banghead it is difficult when you don’t live in a city, lot less matches and lots of effort to travel when they might not even turn up!

Been chatting with Mr G and he referred to me as his girlfriend. I know it's silly, we've been seeing each other for a while now, but for him to say it out loud was a butterflies in my stomach moment.

Oh god I'm so stupid.
Despite Mr Beard cancelling on me - and for perfectly reasonable reasons - I have continued to chat to him, usually video chats and every time I see him i get a little bit more interested and now I'm smitten. I kind of have been since I met him. I can't remember when i last got so flustered.

But he doesn't want to do long distance. He lives about 90 minutes away. This is not something that will change and I just feel so stupid. How have I come out of an unrequited love marriage to find myself in this situation?

More nice cereal - I'm so happy for you. And kind of jealous too, to be honest. Enjoy this

@bangheadhere40 I’m about 40 minutes from a city too which means I often swipe on someone who is local just because they’re local and it’s rare I come across one!

I do seem to have matched on tinder with someone who lives on the other side of the country, I’m not sure how that happened?! We’ve been chatting for weeks, he’s a great penpal but has mentioned driving over to see me.. it’s an 8 hour round trip.

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking I’m new to the thread so I’m not sure of your background, but sounds like it could be a pattern for you maybe? How long have you been single? It’s really easy to do when you’re used to being a certain way in a relationship.

I found myself doing it with the first iron I really liked, I was so excited for his messages, built him up to being something amazing in my head, then when I said I wasn’t right for him I was a bit upset and wondering what was wrong with me. Then I realised that that’s just what I do. And actually he wasn’t right for me either. (Guess who’s been on the self help and self improvement bandwagon for years since my ex broke my heart!)

Sending you

@AtSea1979. I’m not sure what to suggest 🤷🏼‍♀️ Do you plan things in advance ? Maybe suggest a night away in the new year or something. I don’t think he’s be stringing along all this time. It’s maybe your confidence and not believing in yourself

Gingham - about 6 months out of a 15 year relationship/marriage to a man i adored who had an EA with a work colleague. Our relationshio had been hard for years though due to his MH. I'm over the relationship, we're even moving towards a sort of friendship now which is odd but better than anger and pain.

So no idea if it's a pattern. This is the first time I've felt anything for anyone except my ex in 15 years...

Maybe not a pattern as such but a sense of familiarity that you seek out unconsciously?

I'm sorry if my earlier post was upsetting. I myself am about six months out of a 20 year relationship, although I had stopped loving him for years before the final decision to end it (mine). So I'm in a different place I guess.

Found you all.

I caved in and went back on POF but not putting the app on my phone as I don’t want it to take over my life. Spoke to a couple people, one was very local and seemed ok but then he called me ‘hun’ and told me he lived in a caravan 😐. Got a message from a 27 year old this morning, flattered but he’s ten years younger than me and closer to my dd in age 🤣. Still chatting to Mr Beard but getting annoyed as we haven’t met yet and the chats getting boring. Mr Off grid is off to France for a week and wants to take me out to dinner when he returns. So no real dates lined up for this week, probably another weekend of me being on my own in my onesie.

shit that sounds like a plan - don't keep stepping forward if the other person is stepping back/not moving

Good morning, all.
I have read through + tried to catch up - busy thread!
I am chatting to 4 'serious' potential irons -
Mr Army, Mr Mooch, Mr Cars and Mr AmDram, and have two others that seem to drift - I am guessing they are talking to lots of other people and come back to me intermittently, when the other chats drop off?
Started chatting to Mr Mooch on Sunday and he has asked to meet me this evening - eek. He is not someone I would usually go for, but has made me really laugh which is hugely attractive.
Re distance, these are all about an hour away, and one about 90 mins away - I would love to meet with someone nearer..
With profiles, mine is quite detailed so there is a starting point to conversations , I have also been told it's funny in a tongue in cheek way and a good / upbeat read ; I don't like it when there is nothing to mention on first chatting..

Not upsetting, cereal. Your joy doesn't take anything from me x

@MoreNiceCereal @NoMoreWeepingAndWanking yes, that’s what I meant, you put it better than I could. I think that’s what I was doing too.

@shitwithsugaron you’re worth more than that. I hope he messages, but good luck with your exam

@shitwithsugaron that sounds really shit. I hope he comes to his senses and stops taking you for granted. Good luck tonight.

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking I know this is easier said than done but perhaps you should block him. You won't find William while pining for Mr Beard.

Update from me, couldn't find the thread at first!

I went to see MrDr at the weekend, just for the day and we had a lovely time together. He took me out for lunch then we went back to his to sit and watch a film. We snuggled on his sofa and did a lot of kissing! It felt like being a teenager again . I had to go home as I had work in the morning, but I asked him outright if he wanted me to come down to his this forthcoming weekend, to stay over. He said he very much wanted me to! We were going to meet half way in the week, but I have work meetings and other commitments. So, Saturday it is. Looking forward to it, but also nervous as definitely have sex on the cards. It has been a while for us both! I think a few drinks and I'll be ok LOL!

We had a long chat about past relationships and it looks like we are both coming from the same place. We are both confident being on our own and acknowledge we don't need a relationship to define us, which is why the fact we have connected so well has blown us away. So it looks like I'm now officially his girlfriend - whilst some of his friends know, there's a few close friends he is desperate to tell, now we have agreed to be exclusively 'together'.

But it is still early days and I'm proceeding with caution. My children are adult age, but I'm still conducting things totally separately. I'm not sure when to introduce him as it is totally different to small kids. They know I've met someone and brief things about him, but that's it. Whilst they both said they were really happy for me, I'm still mindful not to get him involved in such an early stage.

Does anyone else have opinions on this...with adult children meeting new partners etc? Best time scales etc? I don't want to fuck up as I've done before (but my DC were younger back then and don't want to make the same mistake). He has no DC, but I've been invited to meet his extended family over Christmas!

PinkMonkeyBird I met my 'really not sure what to call him' in August and we agreed on an exclusive FWB initially. However that has changed over time and the feels have grown for both of us. We only see one another once a week because of other commitments. He met my grown up children (and their children) at a family meal late September - it felt like the right time, and was a nice casual way to introduce him.

Mr Beard was William in a lot of ways. Hard to let go of newly discovered hope...