Dating thread 174 - where we remind everyone of rule no.13

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@feeling sad, you're right. It's lose lose for me anyway! Oh well!

And yes I will say that if he comes back. I would rather not hear from him at all, unless he's had a genuine change of heart.

Thanks everyone, that's exactly what I thought. If he was really interested he would find time. Shame as I think had we met we would have got on, even if it was just as friends (he actually looks familiar so does one of his friends so I have this feeling we have crossed paths at some point probably on one of my many nights out clubbing, one of the things we have in common). The annoying thing is I have said on a couple of occasions if he isn't interested then it's fine, but he keeps coming back saying he is.

Suppose I'll just keep swiping right for now.

See I did that and he was all he was upset so I dragged it on more and I was supposed to be honoured he’d given me an hour of his time. Then he didn’t have time to meet again but he’s back in the apps now 🤷🏼‍♀️. He said I wasn’t a nice person for trying to force him to meet 😂. Dodged a bullet there I think

Ok so I have what appears to be a meet tomorrow to see whether we will have sex or not. I've never done this before it's always been a date date. I'm not sure how it works. I guess it's like a FAB meet. I have told him I have no intention of having sex with him tomorrow but there's no pretence of either of us looking for a relationship. So FWB seekers and FAB users , @BatshitCrazyWoman and @TigerDater how does this work? I realllllly want to have sex with him but I don't want to feel used.

On such dates or meetings we just chatted normally about all sorts while eying up the goods, as it were! There should be instant attraction. He buys first drink. Snogging at the end, some groping, does he turn you on in person? Does he seem keen IYKWIM but always respectful, absolutely no physical coercion of course. Urgent messaging afterwards reaffirming interest. Then plan a safe meeting place to DTD next time.

I guess it’s no diff to any first date 🤷🏼‍♀️ I wouldn’t go on a second date if I didn’t want to have sex with them (at some point)

That’s how it’s worked for me anyway, but don’t just take my say-so by any means!

Kissing as soon as - it really is a good indicator for chemistry in other areas. Enjoying each other's company, having a laugh, feeling safe. All important.

So same as normal you just get to DTD earlier. He's gorgeous. I'm so happy I have my mojo back.

@umbigous if you are genuinely ok with NSA sex go with it. I would love to be(as I like sex, from what I remember 😁)....I'm not there yet, but if you are just do it.

But, if you have an issue at all with feeling used don't do it x

The question is: who’s using who? The whole point is that it’s a mutual/equal friendship with mutual/equal benefits.

The other thing is I never put the FWB label on it. In my generation I don’t think the terms of that are understood. It’s regular sex with someone nice, NSA except for a lot of respect and kindness. Mr Greedy calls it friends and lovers, and though that’s a bit cheesy it’s actually absolutely right.

I think if you are both honest with each other and remain so, there's no real risk of feeling used. I never stuck with a fwb for long, though. Various reasons.

It's been 3.5 weeks since I last saw Mr G in the flesh, though we video call each other regularly. I'm sick and could use a hug.

I'm pretty sure it's tonsillitis, I need to see the gp tomorrow. Miserable.

Hope your eye clears up asap! Also misery!

I can do NSA have done it before. I quite like it. I don't think I can DTD on the first date though. Yeah no one is using anyone if it's mutual and respectful and consensual. If you can communicate then it should be fine.

I've also had some really really good news today which hopefully will mean I'll be divorced soonish. Life is in the up.

Aaargh conjunctivitis and tonsillitis. Miserable!

I have a v poorly 4 year old. she's glued to my side with my tshirt pushed up so she can cuddle my boob...

in other news I'm a twat I'm a twat I'm a stupid stupid twat. stbx has been v helpful and supportive. We've ended up spending quite a bit of time together. he helped me out with some stuff I cocked up. He's spent today with the ill 4 year old. I'm doing tomorrow. When I got back from work he nipped out to pick up a rental car for a conference tomorrow, said he was coming back to stay over (4 year old doesn't sleep much when she's ill and he knows Im knackered after last night).

I went and ordered a takeaway, my treat. An hour later he's still not back, despite I said I was sorting dinner. I called repeatedly, phone engaged, he's obviously talking to his tart.

I sat down and ate my takeaway on my own and gave myself a sharp talking to because it was obvious that I had forgotten that I'm alone now. I'm alone. I eat dinner alone. If I order a takeaway it's for me alone. I am not part of a team any more, no matter how helpful he chooses to be.

I'm on my own and I'd do well to remember that.

So yesterday my ex texted to ask if he could come over and see the kids after work today as he'd "really missed them" over the weekend. He has them overnight on a Tuesday anyway but I of course said yes and I'd never stop him seeing them if there's no good reason to.
Anyway, we all sat in the living room drinking tea and the kids were making us laugh and obviously enjoying spending time with both their parents.

Maybe it's the time of year and he's seeing other people do family things and missing being part of a family he didn't want to be part of two years ago. Who knows. Doesn't change the fact that he broke mine and our kids hearts when he had an affair though, sadly.

Ah Sunshine - sounds like you're in the same sort of place x

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking It seems we both posted about similar ex experiences at the same time. Sorry your little one is poorly but glad your ex is doing his bit.
It's weird isn't it having a reminder of happier times and two years on it's still just as unnerving. I just had to keep thinking to myself "he had an affair, he wanted out of this family, he lied and lied to me". That's who he was at the end of our marriage, not the doting dad he was tonight.

@nomoreweepingandwanking sorry to hear you had a bump back down. I've had similar situations over the last 2 years where I've forgotten that we're no longer a team and started enjoying ex's company and support and then he's acted in his usual selfish way and I'm left reeling and thinking "oh yeah".

Same to @sunshineandflipflops it's definitely the time of year! and to all.