Dating thread 174 - where we remind everyone of rule no.13

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Peanutbutter I think you're right!

I suppose he was honest in saying looks were most important to him, but that is so so shallow. And persistently asking for photos? Methinks he doesn’t want a woman but a picture gallery. I don’t see anything in this for you at all feeling.

Feelingabitashamed I've found that some men don't know how to chat with a woman and just go with the obvious - commenting on your appearance and then continuing to compliment you because they have no idea what else to say.

I find it creepy and rude. Depending on my mood, I'll either ignore, block or remind them that I have a brain.

Isitreally77 if he really wanted to meet then he would make the effort.

Haven’t been around in a bit but wanted a quick bit of advice.
Potential new iron but has a foreign mobile, im thinking huge red flag? He says he’s recently relocated back to this country? Only just started chatting and he seems nice, but this worries me, reality check someone please?

I'm having fun with my free trial of Bumble. Now I can see who likes me I've set the age range to 35 upwards (I'm 52).

Surprised to find that I have so many likes from men in their 30s and early 40s. But most are miles and miles away.
And not as many around my age.
It does seem to confirm the theory that younger men don't seem mind about age (and are looking for a cougar). But men in their late 40s, early 50s just want younger women.

stuckinarut79 if he's just moved back he might just be burdened with lots of admin, housemoving and work to do and replacing a phone that works might be bottom of the priority list. I'm guessing you think he might have a second phone but actually any man we date could have a second phone with an english number so I don't see it as such a red flag.

I am unsure why he’d want more pics 🤷🏼‍♀️ He knows what you look like , seems a little odd to me

@Stuckinarut79 i don’t think it’s a red flag. My friend works abroad as a teacher and comes back and uses her old phone and sometimes has a uk and foreign one. Keep chatting and see what he is like

Stuckinarut sorry for being daft but do you mean you're not sure if he's still abroad and lying about it (I.e. potential scammer)? I suppose if so, the only thing would be to ask to meet fairly soon and see if he obfuscates.

Or has he not given you the number and it’s an excuse which is kind of ok if he doesn’t want to share yet

Well I have to get this out somewhere, as crazy as this is I'm quite upset.

MrStraight and I have been chatting pretty much none stop for a week (mistake I know). I know he didn't want a LDR but he did makes jokes about meeting me so I thought he must have some interest, especially as he messages me first all day.

It all got a bit much and I said I don't know if we would even get on irl but I would like to meet to at least see if there was anything there.

He said it is a huge issue the distance, even though he finds an attraction.

He then asked if I wanted to stop chatting. I told him yes that would be best for me , was very kind about it to him and wished him well on his search.

I don't know if I was being too forward, but think I handled the last bit with dignity at least ☹

@bangheadhere40 you have done the right thing. If he does t want to meet there is absolutely no point. Unless you want a pen pal. Block him and move on. I know it feels quite intense after a week but it's not him, you don't know him it's only messages.

He was happy with a penpal, I was, but then it occurred to me as soon as he met someone irl he would drop me and that would be even worse.

If he decides he wants to meet me and misses whatever it is we didn't really have he has my number. I'm not just being an ego boost any more. X

He said a couple of times we should meet, that was why I was confused

I've started asking them @EchoElephant why they want a 51 year old. I'm not sure they even look at my age just the pix. I look about 45 or so. I'm up for a FWB anyway so I don't need someone my age. And despite Mr U being 15 years younger we actually had a lot of the same interests. And had a laugh about his cultural references because they were so different

And also that it would make him a bit sad not to talk to me.

MrNN and I both have foreign sims as UK business sims have really rubbish contracts, I tend to use my business phone as my personal one a lot, so I often have my foreign number. Unless you have a dual sim phone it can be annoying to keep changing.

Oh they say something like, age is just a number (bye) or it's about attraction not age or something. None of them has admitted to looking for a milf or preferring older women.

Pre mr U I wouldn't have considered someone under 45 but it was ok. Ideally I'd like someone around 45.

Current no 1 iron who is very keen and I'm meeting tomorrow is 38. Mr Turk. Not very original. I think he's looking for FWB maybe even just FB but he's definitely not after a ONS. That would suit me as I don't think I can have a proper relationship at the moment.

bang I honestly don’t see how that was being ‘forward’ as you call it. You needed clarity, sought it, got it and moved on. I would say you played a blinder! He wanted a pen pal, and you didn’t.

Thanks Tiger x

@bangheadhere40 I had the same go on for months. Then I met him and I was not like I expected. Move on to someone who genuinely can and want to meet. I’ve got 2 dates lined up in under a week with people I’ve not spoke to much. Maybe they’ll be nice or maybe not but there is some momentum there

@unambiguousbeard Under 45 seems too young for me. I'm only looking at the younger ones because Bumble has given me the option.
I tend to like men around 45 - 48. They still seem to want to get out & enjoy life. Unlike most of the over 50s I've met.
Currently talking to 45 yr old who seems nice. We have plans to meet at the end of the week.

Thanks Jane. If by any chance he does message me again, I am just going to confirm that I'm not being rude but I have expectations, and being a penpal isn't for me at this time.

That would be best? I think it's likely he may come back, but he might surprise me and not.

Banghead I think you did the right thing if you are looking for more than a pen pal. Even if he did meet you, his joking about it sounds a bit vague and I don't think you should go into a long distance relationship lightly. It's a lot of effort. As you say, if your correspondence abruptly stops after he meets a real life girlfriend, that would be more hurtful and if it doesnt, is he really a decent guy?

If he messages you, I think that would be the perfect stance to take. He has seemed pretty clear about the distance being an issue hitherto so if he says differently now, be aware he might just be saying what you want to hear to try and continue the chats.