Dating thread 174 - where we remind everyone of rule no.13

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

**

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Hmmm. I care and know about all these things but would hate to think someone found it pretentious. It’s the way people put it across isn’t it? Look at me, look at me! And yes, I am looking at you XH 😡

Also, it’s inaccurate surely? Shouldn’t it be ‘awakened’?

@morenicecereal I can relate. Patriarchal religion plus misogynist husband made me believe I didn't like sex. How wrong I was!

Also the mansplaining of the subjects 🙄

@tigerdater I was under the impression that the use of woke is down to black American linguistics.

@TimeTravellingDiamond keep swiping because eventually someone will just catch. I go through and clear out my excess matches/chats every couple of days, I can't be doing with them all sitting there leering at me.

Saw my GP again and my thyroid is off the scale plus he asked if I had any stress going on in my life. I started listing stuff and we both realised I'm juggling a lot of shit.

I messaged Mr U to tell him as he asked me to and he replied that I should go away for a few days to have a rest and clear my head .... errrrrrr yeah. Which made me realise he's totally and utterly clueless about my life despite being in it for 8 months! Plus it undermined my genuine bloody stressors. I'm over him. Plus he was the opposite of woke. He was an unreconstructed sexist anti-feminist which I forgave because he's from a small town in a patriarchal culture. Not that I want woke either. I'm done! Whoop!

So I went out with some friends last night and it was lovely. I can't be doing with spending all evening messaging someone so not sure how I'm going to find someone really.

Have a handful of irons messaging. A couple still standing out- all the bearded foreigners 😁

Yeah isn't a classic woke person a white middle class man mansplaining feminism/racism to a black woman?

@TigerDater caring about things of course doesn't make you pretentious. For me a lot of the woke thing is the people who are soooo keen to be lefty and liberal, so keen to show how accepting they are of things that aren't so mainstream. And they aren't recognising the damage it is doing, all the m&s changing room stuff is prime example. I say this and I regard myself as liberal and left wing, hopefully with some sense about things too though.

@unambiguousbeard that's exactly what know it all was! I'm so glad I'm in my 30s and remember when things weren't so much like this.

Sadly that's what it's become here yes!! But originally woke was a serious term used by black Americans who were trying to educate others about systemic racism. I think.

My ex worked for a large company with training indoctrination and became a super woke patronising feminist. Yet he had no ability to critically think and needed to have the threat to women's rights spelled out in words of one syllable. Mr R got it straight away.

My feminist ex also did nothing around the house other telling I had stacked the dishwasher wrong or not ironed a shirt properly. I am so glad to have a man who washes up now.

Thank you all for enlightening me, especially about the linguistic side of it.

My XH has become extremely politically active and woke, at the same time as ignoring and disrespecting his DDs’ rights and feelings even more now they are adults than when they were children. It’s a self-serving mantle of being a good person which hides from himself his utter selfishness and uselessness

@TigerDater I think you have perfectly summed up what woke has now come to mean.

Yes yes yes to this conversation!

I actually bring up my feminism very early in conversation with irons because I can't be wasting my time on misogyny. Feminism is the lense through which I see the world, it saved me from my abusive relationship, I'm not going to budge on it.

It's also very interesting to see how language changes over time.

I'm a mechanic by trade but blokes try to mansplain to me until I explain that not only do I know what they're talking about...I also know how to fix it. MrM thinks this is incredible to the point he phoned me when he was stuck on a job and I talked him through fixing it - I don't suffer fools gladly anymore (I believe this has come with age) especially men who think they're better than me because they have a penis between their legs

My stbxh hated me being a feminist. Hated that I pointed out misogyny. I bring it up in conversations too @MoreNiceCereal - if they don't like it they can jog on frankly.

I feel like I need to be your friend, @KermitRulesOK.... (Clueless about cars lol)

@MoreNiceCereal I used to run workshops for women so at least they know the basics. I'm really petite and look feminine ie I have hair right down my back so blokes tend to be shocked I'm a mechanic - have changed a blokes wheel for him on the hard shoulder of the M6 years ago, he was completely clueless!

Awesome.

@KermitRulesOK that's fantastic!

kermit most definitely rules!

My ex husbands idea of feminism was letting me do everything 😂.

Lol I hear you jane!

I think I'm going to stay on the cougar bench. Can't remember who was here with me before? Men if my age are so bad.

My ex was similar. But mr U was worse. I swore I'd never wash another mans pants again.

@KermitRulesOK - people get so surprised, like you can't be feminine and like mechanical things.

Hi everyone! Hope you don't mind me joining. Back on OLD after a long hiatus needing some time out.

I met a man this week for drinks and have the oddest feeling he has been reading advice from those misogynistic pick up coaches... nothing overt like negging but as if he is trying to keep me on the back foot and question my value.

I cancelled our first date, profusely apologetic, genuine reason, several days notice. He cancelled the next due to work but instead of just doing so, kept pushing the time later and later until he was suggesting meeting at 11pm and then called it off.

We finally met for drinks, good chat and he asked if I was free tomo. I am and we got on so I just said yes.

Yesterday I referred to this and he said he would 'confirm tomorrow' (despite having asked me first) and invited himself to 'chill' at mine. After going on about how he wanted a serious relationship etc and wouldn't be seeing anyone else. This was a bit odd to me as a first date is far too soon for me to discuss exclusivity.

I just can't work out if he is simply after a shag or it's some sort of mind game.

And how would you turn him down without sounding shrewish? I hate when men put me in this position.

Actually I've just blocked him, sod it! Life is to short to wonder about someone I don't even know!