Dating thread 174 - where we remind everyone of rule no.13

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@shit you will be fine, well done too...

Well done @shitwithsugaron, that's fantastic!

No updates from me this week. Mr S is helping his sister move to her new apartment and seeing family this week so I won't get to see him definitely seeing him on the 1st and hopefully someday next week. Even though we have only been dating a month I feel very secure in our relationship; he will talk to me on the phone in front of his sister, calls me his girlfriend to his neighbours etc. Never felt as secure before as my ex and Mr C (don't know what to call that, probably a fwb) wanted to get of me asap while Mr S would spend all day with me if he could.

@Peanutbuttermouth that's how I feel too, it's scary to let someone in.

The ex neighbour who was a test to me at the weekend was the first person I slept with after my separation. I (stupidly) fell for him hard and that was really miserable when it didn't go how I hoped. It was kind of good he let me down over the weekend, made me realise I don't really care anymore.

And then FWB- I remember swiping right for him on tinder thinking he might be ok for some fun but my god i liked him so much more than that. Tbf I think he liked me more than he thought he would too but it's not enough.

And tragic as it is my FWB is my William! Why is life always like this.

Jesus, do I shag MrSexBloke or what? Have definite proper date set up with Mr Beardish next Friday but MrSexBloke keeps texting me in the meantime, not even pretending he wants anything else, and I'm like 'one night, nobody would know, it's been so long' What is wrong with me?????

I am so rubbish at this. Straw poll?????

Socks I'd do it but then I love sex so maybe ask someone who thinks with their head and not their vagina

Found you all - missed a couple of threads I think
@UtterSocks my vote is do it.....
Will take the pressure off future dates, probably boost your confidence, not to mention the enjoyment value

@utter if you think you will enjoy it with no feelings involved just go for it.

YOLO right? If you are clear from the outset and safe, why the hell not.

Yeah do it!

I’m back from the date
He’s not a serial shagger it seems, and the 3rd child was a happy accident within a non serious RS after his divorce. There doesn’t seem to be any drama but he already has limited weekends and the child is only 3... argh so young!

My special talent with people is bringing up a topic innocently and gaging their reaction to it. So I will tell someone something that happened to me, which could have made me angry (but I stayed calm) and see if they relate to it in anyway. And he related to my story situation by telling me he has a short fuse and is easily irritated 🙄
This in itself is off putting but I have agreed to another date to give it another assessment - after which he landed a kiss straight on my lips! Not a snog, just a big old peck

I’m done with mr Friday he suggested we leave meeting up for a bit. This is after taking months to meet the first time. I’ve said let’s just leave it then we obviously want different things 🤷🏼‍♀️.

I'm struggling with feeling guilty when I make time for myself. I only have EOW free, so planned to see my iron (MrNerd I'm going to call him) and stay overnight. The Ex asked me to have my Dads, and I said no. That I was busy. But not I feel incredibly guilty that I'm letting DC down, and I think it's going to put me off enjoying my date.

How do I get into the mindset where I feel comfortable making time for me and MrN?

@Jane1978xx, sorry to hear that, sounds like he is trying to slow fade!

@aspie....don't feel bad, you need time to make time for yourself, I'm sure he wouldn't hesitate.

I have had chats still with Mr Straight but I think he is emotionally unavailable, as well as the distance. He seems to be firedooring me too ( sorry, I've been looking up terms), basically the door opens only one way! I want a normal door, or maybe even revolving. I need to get him out of my mind....typical the only one I actually like isn't available.

@Jane1978xx yes, best to sack off now! well done!

I just don’t get him at all 🤷🏼‍♀️. I don’t see the point in just messaging forever. I don’t know If it was too soon or what. Anyway I’ve turned Pof back on 😂

I'm hoping if he doesn't reply to me it will be easier, we've had some deep chats, and I know I haven't met him and that's crazy but hey ho...I've had a few other messages, but no one I am interested in!

@SimonJT 🤣 re the Spanx and barman...

My William is called Joe and he's a sex pirate.

Oh I don't know where to start with my shit since yesterday esp without outing myself. I was sent to a and e by my GP yesterday evening but there was a 4 and a half hour wait and people with sick bowls, standing room only so against their advice I went home. I'm now back in X-ray.

Anyway ended up walking along the high street sobbing and stupidly I messaged Mr U as I was in such a state. Bless him he came over to see me. But of course by the time he arrived I'd spoken to a friend and calmed down and he just went on and on and on about how shit his life is and all his problems. When I ventured to mention some of mine- lonely, ill, shit ex, housing etc because they're not financial they don't count. He doesn't understand that being supported by my ex is in itself a problem. I wanted him to leave after a while and he did. Then he came back to have sex but that wasn't that great for me as I'm ill so clearly not horny! And it went on and on and on. And I remembered that sex with him often went on for wayyyyy too long. And then I got up early to have blood test and got back to him in my bed and could have got back in and cuddled and had sex but really I just wanted to get on with my day and avoid the hospital queues.

So actually it was quite a cathartic evening. Feel a bit like I hit the bottom, walking along the high street sobbing and feeling nuts and messaging him. I did feel really sad when he left but no connection really. Whatever we had it's gone. Hopefully that will have got him out of my system, it feels like it has anyway.

Now I just need to sort out my sodding health.

And catch up on the thread too...

@unambiguousbeard I'm glad you seem to have been able to move on from MrU. It's hard when you have so much going on already. If you're honest with yourself, do you have time to date at all at the moment? Looking after your health is a real priority. And the other people in your last few need to support you, not only take away by demanding support from you.

Thanks for the advice upthread. I'm going to spend some time today thinking about how to make time for myself to be me (outside of work, which is my main "me" time). And also work out if I should even be dating at all at the moment. Making time for it right now is a bit of a struggle.

I hope you are ok @unambiguousbeard
You are better off without that one for sure

@bangheadhere40
I get how you feel, I sometimes almost just want to get this Over and done with. Walk into a pub, see him, eyes meet, click immediately, great relationship started. Delete OLD profiles. Instead you are wading through a myriad of other peoples issues, not really understanding their motives

Was thinking today about if I have a perfect man vision.... not sure I do. Will have to create one to replace all the rubbish imagery I have:

Usually mine are all Dave’s:
Dave has DC with his ex who he didn’t really want the last one but now has them and is ‘trying his best’ with them. Dave isn’t a natural parent as he left it all to his ex wife and hasn’t really invested a lot of time effort or money into his living situation, so it’s a bit chaotic. But Menora doesn’t know any of this to begin, as Dave is very keen to take her on a lot of dates, talk about his kids fondly. Daves ex apparently seems to be a bit difficult and always asking him for money, which he resents and there is an unhealthy dynamic where Menora feels a bit shut out. Meanwhile Dave is trying to impress Menora with his fairly ok bedroom skills and gets jealous and sulky if she is busy, or goes out with her friends. Daves kids are rude to Menora and he doesn’t ever tell them off. Menora finds herself giving endless counselling about kids/ex wife/work situations. Dave is chaotic at organising anything properly and CBA to make any effort with Menoras children friends or family. Menora gets a bit depressed and eventually dumps Dave for being a Dave

@menora...I've had Dave's before too....I think they are best avoided. I think Mr Straight is a bit of a Dave to be honest, so I'm probably best without.

@unambiguousbeard I hope you are ok, sounds like you have had a crap time :-( things can only get better x