Dating thread 174 - where we remind everyone of rule no.13

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

**

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Oh I dated a guy with a foot fetish for about a month. I didn't mind as such, but it got a bit boring. He also had other, weirder tastes, shall we say. Not for me.

POF is like banging my head against a brick wall. I don’t seem to be getting anywhere with securing a date for the weekend.

Some horribly skinny, bald, spotty guy messaged me this morning with ‘hi’, I looked at his profile and decided he looked pretty rough so ignored his message, he then got shitty with me for not replying.

Another bloke I had been exchanging messages with asked me why I don’t wear make up, asked if I was a Tom boy (hate that term), told him that I don’t need to hide behind make up and it’s a waste of time as I’m often taking part in outdoor activities or fixing my car. He then told me he would prefer it if I would dress up occasionally and wear make up and high heels. So he’s gone 🤣

Mr Off grid messaged and he’s gone travelling around France and not sure when he’s back.

Mr Beard has started sexting me.

I don’t have any other irons, seems impossible to find someone who is normal, available and not just after a setting Penpal.

William was firat created around the 8 October. From my journal...
"Last night I invented an imaginary boyfriend. He’s called William, he’s an architect who I’ll meet at work. Initially I will think he’s just down visiting and we’ll have a bit of a no strings fling, but then he’ll end up getting transferred down here and we’ll decide to get involved. His relationship broke up because he and his partner couldn’t get pregnant. He has nieces and nephews who he adores but he’s not sure about having children any more as the whole experience was so stressful. He’ll be affectionate and loving in public and filthy and loving in private. He’ll eat almost anything, has a fondness for old-school sci fi TV programmes which drives me nuts and an obsession with, funnily enough, architecture and old buildings which allows him to bond with my dad. His mum is amazing but his dad sadly died a couple of years back. He has a good relationship with his siblings and some strong friendships from different eras in his life. They all seem to take to me despite the fact they knew his ex.

He wins my kids over quickly by keeping sweets in his pocket at all times (on my advice) and is self-confident enough to not get drawn in when my stbx gets a bit snide when they meet. Eventually he proposes and he wins me over to want to marry him despite swearing up and down I’d never get married again. Being with him would make me feel truly cared for and I’d realise that STBX really was a selfish twat and life didn;t have to be like that.

And every time I feel upset or wobbly about STBX’s happy ever after future that he keeps forcing on me I think about William, who is not going thin on top, his cock is bigger, he’s more dominant in bed and he actually cooks and helps with the children despite the fact they’re not even his. He rubs my feet or shoulders after a long day and truly appreciates what I do for him. I think about William and the possibility of someone like him, one day, when I’ve healed and it makes STBX and his ‘friend’ so much less important to me because my future does not include him. It has the possibility of a William.

9 October 2019

William keeps saving me. Stbx got to me yesterday but I just called up a mental inage of William in my future and i felt ok. "

He's back on the scene atm tbh. I've spent the day fantasising about our first kiss...

@Lovemusic33 You've been pretty unlucky! I think I have got away quite lightly with the men I've met/chatted with when I hear other people's stories but then I avoided PoF as I hated it and rarely swiped right on the other apps so less chance of coming across the weirdos I guess!

Further update re: MrDr and the younger female friend needing help, from my post yesterday.

On top of feeling like a jealous bitch, I'd had a shit day at work. He had messaged me on his way to seeing her and on his return. I had a chat with him regarding feeling I'd had a crisis of confidence about he and I, along with the fact it hadn't been a great day at work. I was feeling very downbeat etc.

He was very lovely about it and said he wished he had known how I was feeling earlier and wished he had been there for me. The upshot is he said there really was nothing for me to worry about and that I meant a lot to him - trouble is that's what my ex said when I very first confronted him about his 'friendship' with the younger woman. But this is my insecurity speaking and as someone else pointed out in a PP, we need to look at the facts when insecurity rears up. Also, he is not my ex. Everything he has done, indicates he is very much taken with me.

I spoke to another friend about it last night and he (getting a male perspective helped) said the younger woman thing was bound to open up a wound with the cheating ex, but it sounded like my anxiety was getting the better of me. This friend knows me only too well and said I need to enjoy what I have got going on with MrDr as he clearly thinks an awful lot of me.

So, I will on this occasion give him the benefit of the doubt and carry on with some caution. I was honestly ready to throw in the towel before he contacted me last night and wondered whether it was all bloody worth it. At the end of the day I don't actually need a relationship as I've been very happy within my own little bubble of life this past year. My friend said I am going into protective mode, as is expected, but I do need to let some barriers down. We will see.

sunshine I really didn’t want to go back on POF but Tinder was pretty dead. I live in a rural location but it’s a pretty well off area, I’m shocked at the state of some of the men messaging me (cigarettes in their hands, holding a pint, sticking their fingers up etc..), it’s hard to find anyone that looks remotely suitable for relationship material. Maybe I need to get out more and meet a real life person but I don’t really like going out drinking and theirs not much else to do in the winter 🤣

@Lovemusic33 I know, I could suggest all the usually things like gym, other sporting hobbies, etc but I do those and have never met anyone that way either!

84% in your mock is brilliant @shitwithsugaron. Well done. I'm sure it'll go really well on Tuesday.

Well done @shitwithsugaron that's great!

Wow this thread always moves fast.

Yeah the benching thing... pretty sure I'm guilty of doing that. It often has the effect of making me realise how much I like the first choice guy tbh.

Foot fetishes, seems to be loads of that around. Had several dates with guys who like feet. I can cope with it but odd to me.

Well I deleted POF after one day as it was pointless unless I want a Phil Mitchell lookalike. It was grim. Still on tinder, also speaking to someone I am probably guilty of benching. Still thinking of FWB all the bloody time.

Had a message on tinder today from a lad I matched ages ago, a pro footballer (league 2 club)- just asking if I wanted to fuck. Lovely. Unmatched straight away.

What is wrong with people? Honestly! Makes me realise my connection with Mr Big is pretty rare. Why oh why can’t I just meet someone nice?

That's class, that is.

Waving to Marlboro 👋

Well done 'shitwith - that's brilliant!

I am on date. I am early. I wore make up and a casual dress with boots but decided to wear Spanx. This was a bad idea they are so painful.

Take them off in the toilet if you have a bag to put them in?

Had to google what spanx were

@menora, good luck, don't forget the loo update.

@pink, he sounds fine actually, and that he took your concerns on board, it's easy for us to advise over the internet but just look at the facts, and judge on those.

Didn’t bring a bag 😂

@menora, ask the barman if he will keep them for you to pick up later...

I might create a William, but I will call him Rob, because I quite like that name and have never come across a bad Rob.

@shitwithsugaron wow, well done, 84% is brilliant! Bodes very well for the exam next week, congratulations!

@scittlescatter - did he get back in touch? OLD really is odd. @bangheadhere40 I also think I have been benched by Mr Everyman - he has not been on WhatsApp for 2 days but is still on Hinge. He made some feeble excuse the other day about his phone having a dodgy screen but it isn't the 1990s, nobody puts up with a dodgy phone for even 10 minutes these days, so guess he's gone off me! On the plus side I have a tentative date next Friday with Mr Beardish. Which makes me think I should not rush in and have sex with Mr SexBloke as I may have been under the influence of a couple of gins when we had a grope in his car He is so ridiculously hot, but I actually don't think I like him much as a person - he was perfectly nice to me but very one dimensional. This whole thing is so hard, and I am so indecisive. I cannot equate daytime working professional mum me and the person who went on a spontaneous date and seriously considered a one night stand (am very out of practice). He is pestering me by text. I honestly don't know what to do (and seeing as I cannot admit any of my dating exploits to DD or really anyone IRL it is adding to the whole cognitive dissonance thing...) Thank god for you lot

@Lovemusic33 yep, my experience of POF was all oddballs. What is it with the Phil Mitchell lookalikes? There are so bloody many of them.

I've never had a foot fetishist though, but give it time I suppose...

On the LDR/nearby irons debate - I am routinely binning any matches that are far away but then I am in a big city and I know I am too lazy to travel to see anyone, but if they are too close I worry about them knowing someone I know (Mr Beardish does, but he doesn't know that yet!) or popping up in my local Aldi. I am so ambivalent about the whole thing.

I have quite a lot of matches now on Bumble (must stop swiping when bored) and it's like an admin task keeping up with it all. They are merging into one another. Not sure who it was on here a couple of pages back that said it but it's true, men I connect with my age seem to all live alone and have no responsibilities once they finish work (if they do have kids they live with their mums or have left home) and a couple have got shirty with me for not replying quickly but I have a ton of other shit going on in my life and it can't be my priority. Also, their chats are pretty boring in the main.

I think I might be a bit of a nightmare actually. I keep having short bursts of enthusiasm followed by bouts of ennui and disillusionment - is this normal?

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking maybe I need to invent a William for myself...

Rob is a nice man, very kind and quite humble. He does well for himself but doesn't brag. He probably has a boring job, but has studied hard. He has kids but they are all over 18 so he has time free, and also doesn't mind that I have children. He makes the effort.

He isn't an overly sociable person, but is still very friendly.

He's independent but really appreciates my company, and I never have to second guess if he's interested, as it's clear, without being overbearing.

Rob is about 5 foot 10, not skinny but not fat, and had dark hair and blue eyes. He's very sexy and I look at him and want to jump him, luckily he feels the same. He doesn't push it too much though and knows we can't shag all the time, and is happy to cuddle too.

He's physically affectionate, and checks I'm ok.

Where is Rob!😓

short bursts of enthusiasm followed by bouts of ennui and disillusionment sounds extremely familiar 😒 I just don't have the resilience to be let down repeatedly. Fingers firmly crossed for date 4 tomorrow with Mr E who doesn't text!

@peanut, good luck tomorrow, how do they get us so excited one minute and awful the next.

Rob doesn't do that though, I would never have to question things with Rob.

@peanut, don't worry about the texting though, some men don't. Actions in person which count.