Oh no I'm the other woman

[UncertainWoman]

Feeling a little devastated at the moment and not really sure what to do. I have been dating a man in the military for around eight months now. We spend pretty much all our time together and he stays at mine most nights. The only time when he goes away is once a fortnight when he goes to his 'parents' for the weekend.

He didn't seem to do any social media so I didn't really get to suss him out when he first started dating. We shared our dating history with each so I was aware that he'd had a string of girlfriends but never anything serious as being in the army had hampered his dating life a little (yeah right pal!) He told me he'd just recently come out of a short term relationship in which he'd been cheated on and I opened up being cheated on in the past. I told him how much I hated cheats, probably till I was blue in the face haha.

He went back home this weekend and I was a little bored. He'd told me a few days prior that he's been in the papers a few years back for something cool but when we searched together we couldn't find it. So I thought I'd do some digging and surprise him.

Well, I found it...

He has a totally different name to the one I know and the article mentioned a wife and child. I typed that name into facebook and there he is as a supposedly happy family man - married since 2008. He is very much still married as they have recent photos together.

I'm very certain that I'm not his first affair as his stories about all his exes are just too realistic and there are no inconsistencies whenever he brings them up so I believe that those relationships happened.

Obviously anything between this man and myself will be over when I next see him.

Now I'm stuck though...Do I tell his wife or not?

I also can’t believe he called your parents. The sheer arrogance of this man is astonishing. And he thinks the fact he was allegedly going to tell you (while using a false name) while meanwhile lying to you for months about something so fundamental makes it OK? He has acted despicably and you are right to cut him out of your life. Don’t give him even the tiniest bit of satisfaction of managing to make contact with you.

Can you imagine the conversation if you hadn't discovered he was married and he was moving in.
" Well darling , I've put my stuff in the wardrobe. I need to tell you my name isn't Sexy balls but really Bollock chops, shall I put the kettle on ? "
And you'd just smile and get on with life !😕😕

You did the right thing.

He rang your parents- what A Twat. .

I hope you have a nice few days with your friend.

@Sandals19 what a wanker. How many times did he manage to get that past her?

A couple.

(One was even male, which makes me wonder if he's bi. Quite honestly he's just the sort of guy who would take a bj off anyone he got it off so who knows).

He also dragged her around, bruised her up etc during an argument after she walked into a pub on a night he was doing "overtime" at work (he did a lot of overtime) and found him sitting with two women she didn't know.

Unfortunately this sort of thing seems to be even more common in the forces than civvie life.

You have absolutely done the right thing. Poor you.

Absolutely the right thing to do.

What an arrogant cock, contacting your dad.
to you OP, hopefully you can move on from this and he won’t bother you again.

OP: there is no defence against straight abuse apart from just walking away. Be glad you can.

I wouldn't tell his wife. Because it doesn't feel like your business. And you don't know what their arrangement is.

To make life simplest for yourself, I'd say just go. And don't look back.

I can't believe he's still trying to force contact. If he doesn't stop, call the police.

What an absolute clown he is. Hope you're holding up okay OP

@UncertainWoman just caught up on your updates and wanted to say well done! I don't believe you told his wife as an act of revenge but because it is the right thing to do!
I do hope you are okay

Glad you told her. I wish I’d been told. Glad he is flapping around trying to keep at least one option open.

Hope you are ok.

Fucking daily mail has picked this up the twats. Honestly as if this dickhead hasn't left enough carnage in his wake his poor wife may well have to read about it in the papers.
You're well rid OP. Lucky escape.

Thanks for warning me I wasn’t aware of that. Makes me very suspicious of a certain commenter in this thread who wanted a great deal of clarification on everything.....

Sorry you've been used like this.

I'd say tell her so that she can decide her own life instead of him choosing it for her. What would you want me to do if your future husband cheats with me? that's what another thread posed.

No need to see him again.

Ah missed the update. Well done OP. Walk away now. Poor wife in all this. You did the right thing.

OP, I'd report the posts of the suspect daily fail reporter to MNHQ?

@LadyLucyLocket hmmm... You ask a lot of questions... You go digging for work.. What kind of work? The journalistic kind?

It's so difficult as obviously the wife deserves to know and should be told, but would I tell her if it was me? Probably not, the main reason being that this man knows everything about your life, including where you live. Please don't underestimate the possible awful repercussions of outing a person who actually goes to the lengths of using a fake name to cheat on his wife. Surely you would be constantly watching your back if you told her?

@Gemma2019 she's told her, several updates

Sorry somehow I missed out the last page. Hope you are doing ok OP.

Thickums I reckon it’s @gutestun

Just noticed this is on daily fail online OP

Oh op- I feel for you and her both. I wish someone would've told me - but all his friends protected him.