Oh no I'm the other woman

[UncertainWoman]

Feeling a little devastated at the moment and not really sure what to do. I have been dating a man in the military for around eight months now. We spend pretty much all our time together and he stays at mine most nights. The only time when he goes away is once a fortnight when he goes to his 'parents' for the weekend.

He didn't seem to do any social media so I didn't really get to suss him out when he first started dating. We shared our dating history with each so I was aware that he'd had a string of girlfriends but never anything serious as being in the army had hampered his dating life a little (yeah right pal!) He told me he'd just recently come out of a short term relationship in which he'd been cheated on and I opened up being cheated on in the past. I told him how much I hated cheats, probably till I was blue in the face haha.

He went back home this weekend and I was a little bored. He'd told me a few days prior that he's been in the papers a few years back for something cool but when we searched together we couldn't find it. So I thought I'd do some digging and surprise him.

Well, I found it...

He has a totally different name to the one I know and the article mentioned a wife and child. I typed that name into facebook and there he is as a supposedly happy family man - married since 2008. He is very much still married as they have recent photos together.

I'm very certain that I'm not his first affair as his stories about all his exes are just too realistic and there are no inconsistencies whenever he brings them up so I believe that those relationships happened.

Obviously anything between this man and myself will be over when I next see him.

Now I'm stuck though...Do I tell his wife or not?

You have done the right thing.

I hope that he just leaves you alone now.

Well done. If he continues messaging or turns up then give the military police a ring at his base and inform them. They will pick him up and escort him back to the block.

You have done the right thing, I would want to know if I was the wife.

Can you see if the message has been read op?

Well done op. Sorry you crossed paths with that scumbag.

Tell the poor woman
No one deserves this

Hugs to you, too xx

Tell her tell her tell her!

She has

Raphael34 is right, you can see if someone has read a FB message. I believe when you are not friends with the person you're messaging the message goes to another folder and they are often unseen.

You have been very brave and decisive and I admire the fact that you didn't do this anonymously. Sounds sensible to stay with a friend for a bit.

Good for you OP, not an easy situation but it will make you feel better in the long run knowing the truth is out.

Well done OP, she will appreciate in the end.

Glad you told her

I would want to know too. There's nothing more humiliating than being kept in the dark and being taken for a fool by someone who you love and who was supposed to love you.

Just saw your update. Well done for telling her! At least now she'll be able to make an informed decision as to what she'd like to do next!

I’d want to know

If she is ok with it, then no harm done. You tell her, she shrugs and moves on. It’s not like she knows you and needs to face you again.

Unfortunately it's too common in the military when the partner doesn't live close to the base. It's the perfect excuse to not be home

Well done OP. That must have been difficult to do. She'll probably hate you at first but I'm sure she'll appreciate your honesty when she's moved on from this tool (fingers crossed she does move on!).

You did the right thing. At least now she will be on the lookout and can protect herself a little bit x

A brave thing well done.

It’s hardly brave to drop a bombshell on someone via a FB message.

Well I certainly wouldn't go round even if I had the address. This gives her space and time to respond if she wants to. Even she wants to ignore it she can. But difficult if someone's stood on your doorstep.

You can read a message from someone not in your contacts without it showing on read.

So the notification will say ‘so and so sent you a message request’. When you then go in and read the message, at the bottom it says ‘if you respond xxxx will see that you have read the message’. I think there’s also an option to decline the message in which case the sender won’t see that it’s been read. It happened to me last week.

You did the right thing OP.

Well done. You definitely did the right thing.
Hopefully she will kick his ass to the curb!

Well done OP. Just continue to block block block the guy. What an utter shitbag.

You have done the right thing. If I was the wife in this situation, I would absolutely want to know.