What the fuck else can I do to find a partner?

[UnaCorda]

I have tried: OLD (Guardian Soulmates, Love and Friends, Plenty of Fish, Ivory Towers, eHarmony, OkCupid, Match...) various apps (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge...), speed dating, singles' events, evening classes, post-graduate degrees, friends of friends, general networking, walking groups, residential courses, singles' holidays, general going out, inc. to films, plays, restaurants, solo holidaying, chatting to people on the bus (occasionally - I'm not the bus nutter), even some talking therapy and STILL I'M SINGLE after well over a decade.

What else can I possibly do? I don't want to be single, I don't want to be celibate, I don't want to be lonely, I don't want to be on my own all the fucking time.

I'm not hideous, I don't smell, not overweight (not that being overweight means you can't be in a relationship), I'm introvert but not paralyzingly awkward in company, I work, have my own flat, lots of interests, and only one cat. I have a very straightforward life with no children or ex-husbands to complicate things. Why is it so difficult to meet someone?

Flirting doesn't have to mean batting your eyelids and simpering. It can mean showing the other person you're engaged with what they're saying, mirroring their body language etc. If you're going on dates with a closed mind and body language, that will put men off. Quite obviously.

More than you will get in a remote village or a smaller city

If you're referring to my post, which it appears you are, I never said one word about relocating to a smaller place. To the contrary I suggested a major relocation (does not have to be permanent unless op wishes) to regions with more males than females.

To the contrary I suggested a major relocation (does not have to be permanent unless op wishes) to regions with more males than females.

Maybe she should get a job in a male prison. You are being ridiculous. She lives in London.

The numbers involved in London means that this is barking mad as theory.

No it's not, I've had eligible men based in London tell me about the proportion - they're well aware of it and they know things are skewed in their favour.it makes them more cavalier and choosy and flaky.

I’ve only read page one
Op ,you come across as sinppy and snappy
Snapping at people trying to help.
I suggest you are the problem
I think you have a chip on your shoulder ,you probably scare men off

Maybe she should get a job in a male prison.

Are you usually so extreme, obtuse and puerile.

I'm not the best for relationship advice, as I've spent most of my life single (and for the most part enjoying it and hating OLD), but all of my relationships have come from hook-ups that developed into more. This does make me a little sad as I never get to have that "first date" feeling but just seems to be the only way I can lure in my next victim!

Forgive me if I missed it but what these umpteen hobbies? DH's single female friends in their 40s cycle, golf, tennis, fly drones and rock climb. Maybe you need to try more masculine hobbies?

Male! Not female!

OP just to say you don’t come across as snappy at all.

I don’t think your personality is likely to be the problem.

Less men wanting a woman mid forties is a major part. And yes, honestly they don’t want to know how bright or accomplished we are, sadly. Even my current soon to be Ex who was looking for a partner more on his intellectual level, and got me, said he found it intimidating.

Men love an easy life.

Gosh I’ve said it. And to be able to show off their GF to other men and colleagues. Younger woman = haven’t I done well look how sexy and fit I am.
I really didn’t want to think that. I have two sons... alas it is true.

I’ve only read page one
Op ,you come across as sinppy and snappy
Snapping at people trying to help.
I suggest you are the problem
I think you have a chip on your shoulder ,you probably scare men off

Thank god I'm not the only one. Couldn't read past page one out of fear of more snapping. If that's how you talk to dates, it's no wonder they run away.

Calm down and be nicer to people. It's not their fault you are single.

@Warmfirechocolate has a point. You may need to up the age bracket you're looking in.

@Humpdayruminations it’s bloody depressing though isn’t it.

I’m soon to be single mid forties and totally dreading it.

I’ve a lovely male friend who is 63 and I have to say, it’s just too big an age gap. Yet this is probably the best possibility I’ve got!

What is going on. Too many marriages breaking up and too many men not committing for years means this market for older men and younger women is huger than ever.

It wasn’t like this, most people married in their twenties to people of similar age. It really wasn’t that common for middle aged men to up, leave and then disregard their own age group as it is now.

An epidemic!

God, some of these comments! Must act like a nice, non-sweary, flirty little lady in order not to 'scare' the men! I'd love to know what advice men give to their single male friends...

It wasn’t like this, most people married in their twenties to people of similar age. It really wasn’t that common for middle aged men to up, leave and then disregard their own age group as it is now

Women instigate most divorces, the divorce rate is high (compared to many years ago). This is not necessarily a bad thing (many marriages are bad), but I am also not surprised that in a world where sex is more available outside of marriage, more men are choosing to remain unmarried.

Not RTFT but will do.

Hmmm...

I almost exclusively swipe right on mid-late 40s / early 50s (and the occasional early forties if the bio appeals). Not a squeak from anyone. I'm 50 with the dratted y chromasome - it seems to work both ways, unfortunately.

Me too OP and @INeedNewShoes SNAP!

I couldn't be happier now I've for my DS, I'm a lone parent, single and no pressure. Love our little life.

I've been single for 12 YEARS

Are you usually so extreme, obtuse and puerile.

ROFL! This from the woman who is suggesting that someone who lives in London should relocate because of male/female numbers!

If anyone is being obtuse or puerile here, it really isn't me.

I'd ditch the "dating" ideas and just get on out there and have fun with hobbies, groups, further education, different workplace, etc.

Take heed of the old adage of "doing the same thing but expecting different results" thing, and do different things.

I took up advanced motoring with a local group and also joined the special constabulary (years ago in my twenties) and found "love" in each (at different times obviously), and remain married to one of them 30 years later.

Going to pubs & clubs, dating apps, etc just never worked for me - socialising for socialising sake never even worked in my prime (late teens early twenties).

I'm introverted, but do OK socially etc., but it's still not a comfortable territory for me, so up go the barriers etc. Workplaces, clubs, etc are far better for me so I can get to know lots of people on a 1-2-1 basis over time, and that's where I personally find long term friendships and relationships.

I know full well that I wouldn't be married to my OH today if I'd just gone on a random date with him via online dating or just met him in a pub or club. Our relationship took time - first as friends, for several months before a relationship started. Some people need a "slow burn" rather than a love at first sight glance across a crowded room. Sounds you're more like the slow burn type.

I don't want to be single, I don't want to be celibate, I don't want to be lonely, I don't want to be on my own all the fucking time

This stuck out for me - do all these things need to be “cured” (for want of a better word!) by the same person?

I'd love to know what advice men give to their single male friends...

Basically the same according to my OH - not sure why you'd think there was a difference?

When I was young I had ten years without a sniff of a date. I was living in London, working and socialising and all those years ago I was a bit of a stunner - no luck whatsoever. Moved to a smaller city and met quite a few blokes - now I am long term married but I look back at those years and still can't understand what was going on. Best of luck to you OP, I hope you find what you are looking for.

You're doing ALL OF THAT just to GET A MAN.

Jesus. Seriously. Stop it! Do some things that YOU want to do, just for the sheer hell of it. I't your life. Stop living it trying to find someone .

Just be.

That' was the advice that stopped me. I was single for nearly 10 years. once I realised I needed to be happy with myself and just BE, I met now DH. Totally wasn't looking. It just happened. Luck? Possibly (probably) but I know i wasn't giving off any desperate vibes.

I only read the first two pages and you do come across as snappy and desperate - no one wants to even be a friend with someone so needy.

I’m gonna blame London too. A friend of mine from London found herself in a similar situation to you. She then moved to Bolton for work for 6 months and told me she couldn’t believe the difference in available men. Growing up in a village-type setting where the majority of their friends had settled early made them much more keen to settle down, as opposed to London where it’s less typical to settle early.

No idea if it’s true or not but it was an interesting theory.

So come on OP, get yourself to a northern town and let us know what happens.