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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

drunken bed wetting

129 replies

lesleyw1953 · 06/11/2019 16:01

I think I may have led a sheltered existence because I'm amazed and horrified my dd has a partner who regularly (but not that frequently, maybe once every fortnight) goes out with his mates, gets blind drunk, gets home and pees either himself or the bed. He's also pretty obnoxious ( but not violent) when plastered but she is not usually with him at these times so just has to deal with it when he rolls home. He has told her this is not a big deal - all his mates do this and their GFs just put plastic sheets on the beds. Apart from this - and one very embarrassing incident at her friend's wedding - he is fine. Funny , thoughtful, clever, generous. His mother thinks my DD is overreacting by being angry with him and actually went as far as to ask her what her part in this was. But from what I know he has always drank heavily since his teens so it is not something that has arisen because of his relationship with DD. I can't really ask anyone in real life without making my DD uncomfortable - but surely this is not acceptable behaviour? I know it's not the sort of thing people would be open about but still I cannot believe it's common practice as he claims. AIBU?

OP posts:
Waterandlemonjuice · 06/11/2019 16:02

Yanbu, he very likely has a problem with alcohol. It’s not normal at all IME.

forkfun · 06/11/2019 16:03

What did I just read? No, this is not normal.

MunaZaldrizoti · 06/11/2019 16:04

Hard NO to all of that. All of it.

Everydaylife · 06/11/2019 16:05

No definitely not normal. I have never known anyone do that and I have been in plenty of relationships.

RoxanneMonke · 06/11/2019 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doesitevenmatternow · 06/11/2019 16:12

I had an ex about twenty years ago who did this twice. He had a problem with alcohol.

About fifteen years ago, I did this about three times over the next ten years. I had a problem with alcohol.

I have a friend who does this. She has a problem with alcohol.

53rdWay · 06/11/2019 16:13

No, not normal. Most people don't do this. The world is not full of girlfriends putting plastic sheets over the bed because all men get so drunk they piss themselves.

BareKneesDeCourcy · 06/11/2019 16:16

I would not stay in a relationship with someone who did that.

Had a fair few boyfriends and none of them did that.

theendoftheendoftheend · 06/11/2019 16:17

DB does this. He has a problem with alcohol.

His wife left him, eventually.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 06/11/2019 16:19

My DP drinks more than is good for him but has never, in the 15 years I've known him, wet himself or the bed.

This is NOT normal and I'd tell her to LTB. Out of interest, who washes the sheets the next day?

Gillian1980 · 06/11/2019 16:20

This is definitely not normal and I don’t believe that all his mates do it.

I know a few people who have done it as a one-off when blind drunk but I don’t know of anyone who does it regularly.

If I were your dd I would struggle to be accepting of it, it’s pretty grim.

BeanBag7 · 06/11/2019 16:21

An adult pissing the bed regularly is not normal. Does she have to share a bed with him when this happens or does he go in the spare room?
How would he possibly be able to say with certainty that his friends do this and their girlfriends are fine with it. I cant imagine he asked them.

QuiteGood · 06/11/2019 16:23

I have a friend who does this. He thinks it's normal & so does his wife but that's because he's a heavy drinker & so is his entire social circle. He's 50. They all go to Benidorm for 50th birthdays & drink from breakfast until bed. Some of them shit themselves & it becomes an anecdote to laugh about later. They are functioning alcoholics. I despair for the children.

Yeahnahyeah1 · 06/11/2019 16:24

Errr that’s not normal. When I had a bit of a problem with alcohol, I did it once. I was absolutely mortified and I got my shit together.
On the flip side, I have a friend whose -scumbag- boyfriend has actually shit the bed on more than one occasion through being drunk. It’s foul. She’s deserves so so so so much better than him.

ComeTheFuck0nBridget · 06/11/2019 16:24

I knew someone who used to do this, he had a massive alcohol problem. It's not normal.

Ledkr · 06/11/2019 16:24

My ex did it if he got pissed. It was horrendous and I sow r th ebest years of my life fretting at social events which he was quick to throw ta me when we split up.
The relief of havjng a normal.husband now who can enjoy a few drinks without pissing everywhere, is fantastic.

Pinkbonbon · 06/11/2019 16:27

Its a common problem for alchoholics. Most people would go 'omg I was so drunk I pissed the bed, I have a problem, I'm never getting drunk like that again'. The fact that he continues to drink to that extent, is not normal.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/11/2019 16:27

I used to work in alcohol recovery. When you read psychologists' reports it's one of the things they mention. That and blacking out, vomiting regularly, and a host of other behaviours. What it signifies, is that someone is doing things that sober would utterly mortify them but they carry on drinking. An extremely good sign that they have a drinking problem.

billy1966 · 06/11/2019 16:29

Beyond Grim OP.

Of course it's not normal.

It's generally associated with alcoholism.

Focus on your DD and trying to get her to realise the awful life she is signing herself up for.

It must be very hard for you to watch this.💐

Owlsintowels · 06/11/2019 16:31

Complely alien to me at 40. Between my friends and I went had a lot of boyfriends and a lot of very drunken nights out and this has never happened to any of us. Our of it has the person is so mortified they haven't told me. We gossip a lot

Itsallpetetong · 06/11/2019 16:32

No, not normal. Most people don't do this. The world is not full of girlfriends putting plastic sheets over the bed because all men get so drunk they piss themselves

Absolutely.

Gillian1980 · 06/11/2019 16:32

Oh and many people with drink problems are otherwise lovely.

My dad is loving, kind, generous, intelligent etc etc. But is also a (functioning) alcoholic.

Don’t dismiss the idea of him having alcohol issues just because he’s otherwise lovely. Though I have to say, he doesn’t sound particularly thoughtful or considerate when it comes to the impact of his behaviour on your dd.

hellsbellsmelons · 06/11/2019 16:32

It's gross and totally NOT RIGHT!!!
My DSis Ex used to do this all the time.
But he was an abusive twat.
Is your DD expecting to clean it up?
Honestly, if he's going out drinking then he can sleep on a smeggy mattress on the floor in the kitchen.

He needs to cover it in plastic before he goes out.
Piss rots mattresses and when it soaks through to the bottom it rots the wooden slats etc.....
He is NOT to sleep in the bed when he's had so much to drink he can't control his bladder.
This would give me the 'ICK FACTOR'
An Ex did this.
The 2nd time (twice in 6 years by the way), it just put me off of him forever.
Grown men should NOT wet themselves or their bed!

Owlsintowels · 06/11/2019 16:33

Also what's with the girlfriends putting the sheets on. Why can't the pissy drunk bastards put their own plastic sheets on? Seriously?! I despair.

superram · 06/11/2019 16:35

I have done it once I was drunk but not hammered but my pelvic floor is shot, I’ve done it once when awake but couldn’t stop. It’s not normal for me so definitely not for him!