drunken bed wetting

[lesleyw1953]

I think I may have led a sheltered existence because I'm amazed and horrified my dd has a partner who regularly (but not that frequently, maybe once every fortnight) goes out with his mates, gets blind drunk, gets home and pees either himself or the bed. He's also pretty obnoxious ( but not violent) when plastered but she is not usually with him at these times so just has to deal with it when he rolls home. He has told her this is not a big deal - all his mates do this and their GFs just put plastic sheets on the beds. Apart from this - and one very embarrassing incident at her friend's wedding - he is fine. Funny , thoughtful, clever, generous. His mother thinks my DD is overreacting by being angry with him and actually went as far as to ask her what her part in this was. But from what I know he has always drank heavily since his teens so it is not something that has arisen because of his relationship with DD. I can't really ask anyone in real life without making my DD uncomfortable - but surely this is not acceptable behaviour? I know it's not the sort of thing people would be open about but still I cannot believe it's common practice as he claims. AIBU?

What happened at the wedding?

It is more common than you might think. My sister and her husband do this. Words fail me. Both alcoholics,. Great people but the drink has a terrible hold on them.

A one off is just that, a one off, but that is not the case with your daughter's partner; it certainly sounds as though he has an alcohol problem which is a great pity as he is (you've said), a good guy the majority of the time.

He says it happens to a lot of his friends, etc. I've not come across it in my nearly seventy years but I have been told, many times, about big sons still living at home (maybe 18/20), going out with friends and having too much to drink. They come home, go to bed and then get up to wee and open the wardrobe door using it as a toilet! I've heard that story several times. They outgrow it - they grow up eventually - your daughter's partner is not a 'big kid' any more.

Please support your daughter in persuading her partner to get some professional help. If he doesn't, he'll lose her. There are ways of telling if someone is an alcoholic rather than a heavy or binge drinker and that's the first thing to find out. After that, the 'experts' will help him to do what is right. I sincerely hope he isn't an alcoholic but he must be prepared for being told he is.

You sound like a great mum and your daughter is a sensible young woman, how many of us would put up with their boyfriend wetting the bed with no real medical reason? She is quite right to object. His mother probably doesn't know the extent of her son's problem.

What happens with extreme drunkeness - sometimes - is that the person has no idea what they are doing, the nerves which control our bladder just don't work properly & they are probably almost comatosed- the gag reflex also frequently fails which is far more dangerous!

I don't know anyone who has ever done this and I have lots of friends who like a drink. It is weird and gross!

I did this a couple of times and it was enough to get me into an AA meeting, where I met lots of other people who had normalised similar behaviour before realising how abnormal it was and that it was a signifier they had a serious alcohol problem.

Um no. Having to put a plastic sheet on the bed for an grown adult man? Re read that OP.

Alcohol addiction.

My ex used to do this. Peed the bed with me in it once. He had no shame about it either. He was a functioning alcoholic though. It is grim.

He has an alcohol problem.. an adult regularly wetting the bed and suggesting plastic sheets is not normal. It will just get worse for your DD not better unless he admits he needs help which sounds doubtful

No not normal. DH and I both love a drink but have never done this.

Teen DD did once ... got in plastered, fell asleep on sofa and pissed it , but the next day said she thought her drink had been spiked.

I once wet the bed a few months after DD was born and I was zombified with exhaustion and my pelvic floor was still suffering. I was mortified. But regularly due to alcohol? Nah, that's not normal.

And why would the girlfriends put plastic sheets on the bed? If anyone is going to it should be the dirty bastard who pisses in it!

I'd be worried for your DD

Not normal not healthy

I know someone who runs a B&B in a town popular with hen and stag parties. It is a frequent occurrence for her to have to deal with pissy beds after a stag, but I’d imagine that that would happen after an absolutely monstrous bender. If it is happening frequently to one person, he needs to see a doctor and/or get sober fast. This is not normal.

Losing bladder control because you've had too much to drink is a major sign of an alcohol issue.
This isn't normal, it's actually quite frightening.

I love all these bed wetting so called functioning alcoholics.

We have a screwed up view of what "functioning" is if we think that holding a job down is more important than having control of our bladders.

I do think there is a portion of our society that genuinely believe that you can drink that much and not be an alcoholic, but equally most alcoholics would deem that unacceptable behaviour too embarrassing to discuss over their morning can of Skol supper

Super not supper

What? No?

This isn't normal and I'd be asking your DD to reconsider

A man would piss in my bed once through alcohol and he would never be in my bed again

Only acceptable bed wetting is accidental and done by children, the elderly, and the infirm/seriously ill

If he is an able bodied, fully neurotypical average man, he's a fucking embarrassment.

I don't have much to add here, OP. It's all been said upthread. Please show this to your poor DD!

He sounds utterly appalling.

Can you fucking imagine being in bed on a hard plastic hospital sheet and feeling warm liquid and realising your partner is pissing on your back?!

The absolute horror of it! 🤮

I have had a bad relationship with booze, but never pissed the bed.

I don’t drink a lot or often, I love beer though so I tend to drink non alcoholic lager in the evening, just one though.

If I’ve had a rare big night out and drank quite a bit I will either pee in the wardrobe or the airing cupboard. They both have a washing up bowl in the bottom.

I’ve never known anyone pee the bed drunk, I did have a housemate do it at uni but he had been drugged, which is a different scenario.

No, this is not normal at all. I'm 52. I love a drink, sometimes I might drink too much, but the only time I have ever wet the bed is when I had bronchitis, so too ill to drink alcohol and couldn't because of the antibiotics I was on, and lost control of my pelvic floor through relentless and endless coughing. It was horrible. After the first awful incident I became a regular user of Tena Lady pads until I recovered.

My DH also likes a drink and occasionally drinks too much. He has never once wet the bed.

This really is not normal. Going out, having a few drinks and then coming home and pissing the bed is not normal by any stretch of the imagination. He has a serious problem. It would be a deal breaker for me and if I had a daughter I'd be encouraging her to walk away from this relationship. I bet his DM can't wait for someone else to take him on so they can wash his pissy sheets and scrub the mattress!

I know incontinence can be a real medical problem, but if so and it also affects him when he hasn't been out boozing, then he needs to see the GP. Like fuck would I lay in bed in pissy sheets, and a mattress that stinks of urine, with someone who wasn't prepared to do anything about it.

I went out with one of these before I met my STBXH. He used to drink every night. It was what he did, like other men play football or xbox. Yes, he was the life and soul of the party but he was in complete denial about his alcohol reliance. He would also drink drive every night. At first I didn't realise how much he was drinking. The alarm bells rang when he took me away to a posh hotel in London for a weekend of partying. In one long weekend he pissed the hotel bed not once but three times!! All because he was so drunk that he had lost control of his body.
I didn't dump him because of the bed wetting. I dumped him because he was drink driving and also in complete denial about how he was alcohol dependent. The only person who couldn't see it was himself. Unfortunately unless they recognise that getting so drunk they piss the bed is a problem then they will never do anything to change.

So... your poor dd gets to wake up every couple of weeks in a puddle of someone else's piss???
Words fail me. He is not kind or thoughtful or generous, he's a pig.