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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Break up support thread 4

864 replies

herbsmokedchicken · 04/11/2019 08:51

Sigh.!

OP posts:
Dazedandconfused10 · 10/01/2020 23:03

@TeddyBeans thank you! I feel a bit more normal now.i feel good but sad and I know working on me is the best thing to do right now.

Dazedandconfused10 · 12/01/2020 13:57

More progress. I took the wedding ring off.

I feel so sad about it all still but I need to start moving on. He's being friendly and I cant cope with that. But I also cant handle not speaking so I don't know what to do really. I'm not initaing contact. Im going to try and ignore his messages and see how that goes.

TeddyBeans · 15/01/2020 07:15

Hi all, it's been quiet on this thread recently, hope that means we're all moving forward ❤️

I may have a date on Friday 😁 not sure if it's an actual romantic kinda date or just a friend's date but either way I'M GOING OUT 🥳🥳

Mumcomehere · 15/01/2020 09:46

Excellent news Teddybeans, enjoy!

I also thought the same, i hope that as its so quiet, is a positive :)

Jonsnowsghost · 15/01/2020 14:14

I still read but I find myself being a bit gloomy when I read so try to distance myself a bit! I only post really when I'm feeling really bad because I don't think real life friends want to know anymore 😅 but I'm feeling ok at the moment, just low level sad rather than despair!

herbsmokedchicken · 15/01/2020 14:50

Yes I’m trying to distance myself a bit, this thread was so helpful but I think now it’s getting to the point where coming on and contributing is keeping me in the mindset of someone who is going through a break up still, when really I should be trying to come out the other side. We’ve been broken up six months now and we were only together for nine (albeit a very intense nine). I’m the same @jonsnow, ok but sad.

OP posts:
shitwithsugaron · 15/01/2020 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrokenHeartedAndBruised · 15/01/2020 21:24

Having a bad day today. I feel so sad at how I was treated. Hope everyone else is ok.

Dazedandconfused10 · 15/01/2020 22:42

I hope you feel better tomorrow. I'm still adjusting, but instead of going out each night like last week, I'm staying in, decluttering the house, trying to eat and getting back to me.

My colleagues think he will be back but I'm not sure, and living life as if he wont be. I'm still sad, still hurt and angry but overall lm ok.

Dazedandconfused10 · 17/01/2020 12:20

He keeps texting me trying to have normal conversation... whyyyyy

TeddyBeans · 19/01/2020 18:02

@Dazedandconfused10 sounds like he's trying to keep you sweet. Go NC darling, it's not fair on you while you're trying to heal

Dazedandconfused10 · 19/01/2020 18:10

I've been very non committal. He's not messaged since Friday to find out what I was doing for the weekend, then messaged about the cats, then called to see if he could hang at house on Saturday when I was out. I said yes but he ouldnt have people round and hung up. Didn't message him this weekend and he didn't come round as the post was on the floor with stuff addressed to him so who knows what is going on! He can crack on.

herbsmokedchicken · 21/01/2020 07:48

So I was trying to stay off here but just realised that at some point last night he unfriended me. I guess it’s for the best really as I have still been checking his page and stuff too much but such a shock, I’m shaking.

OP posts:
herbsmokedchicken · 21/01/2020 07:59

Altho I’m not anything like as upset as I would have been a few months ago so I guess that’s a good sign

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herbsmokedchicken · 21/01/2020 09:05

Sent him a slightly venty message which I know I prob shouldn’t have done, don’t shout at me, but the unfriending sends a pretty clear message that we are not going to be friends and I’ll prob never really speak to him again so doesn’t really matter does it? Just think it’s a bit shit considering he knew full well how upsetting it was when I realised he’d cut me off on insta and then he’s done it again. Funnily enough i realised last week he’d unconnected me on LinkedIn and I thought why did he bother doing that when I don’t even use it? Seems clear now he was just getting rid of the last few links. It’s fair enough. But it hurts.

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Dazedandconfused10 · 21/01/2020 10:12

I messaged him last night. I just really bloody miss him. I was only letting him know about post but I just feel better when he is in my life. It's so stupid.

herbsmokedchicken · 21/01/2020 10:17

It’s horrible isn’t it! Right now I’m also angry but sad, realistically I am not expecting a reply to my message and doubt we will ever speak again. But I miss him.

OP posts:
Dazedandconfused10 · 21/01/2020 15:26

I just can't shake off how much I miss him and want him in my life. I am loads better than I was but I still want him back.

Jonsnowsghost · 22/01/2020 08:19

@herbsmokedchicken did you get a reply? I find it sad that he's cut you off like that, but i guess that's just me as i don't unfriend or unfollow anyone really!
Still plodding along from my end, still miss him but really trying not to. And stopped my social media stalking again ha ha.
Doesn't help that I've dreamed about him for the past like 5 nights, nothing exciting just that he's popped up here and there 😅
Hope everyone else is ok

herbsmokedchicken · 22/01/2020 10:09

No and I highly doubt I will ever speak to him again. It’s not showing as read but that doesn’t mean anything as you can read stuff in airplane mode. Whether he read it or not I’m sure it’s deleted now, pretty sure he’s already cleared our whole chat (I think that’s what the accidental video call was in sept). I’m the same, don’t really unfriend people, I think ultimately it’ll probably be a good thing and we should have done it earlier but hurts that it wasn’t my decision and that he did it without saying anything despite knowing how much the insta thing hurt me, and fb is arguably a bigger deal, for me anyway. Just quite horrible. Was looking at what I can still see of his profile and he’s removed all reference of my home town - like he never lived here. Even taken off the job info. So weird! Does make me wonder if he’s found someone but also I know he is the type of person who is very much clean slate, so...who knows. But at least I can’t stalk I guess. So prob a good thing.

So one thing I didn’t tell anyone on here or irl is I let him keep using my Netflix. I just felt bad about taking it away especially as we were, in theory, still friends, but I knew people would say I was a mug. Well I took it away last night. Not to be petty, but I have been thinking for a while it’s not really on to use it when we don’t interact at all not even a merry Christmas, and then when he did that yesterday I thought no fuck off. He hasn’t messaged me about it and I don’t expect him to. I think that’s it now.

It’s so sad. This time last year I was so happy, we were counting down to our holiday. Never would have expected we’d be split for six months by now.

Good about not stalking! I still keep checking to see if he’s changed his profile picture (to him and a girl as I wonder if the sudden unfriend was coz of that) but I will stop. But yeah even tho he’s hurt me I still miss him. I can’t even really imagine being with anyone else altho I am trying. Siiiigh!

OP posts:
herbsmokedchicken · 22/01/2020 10:22

I have that goyte song in my head now

But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing

OP posts:
herbsmokedchicken · 22/01/2020 10:51

I meant to put a lol at the end of the last post to make it more lighthearted. I’m feeling surprisingly ok. Like not over it ok, I’m sad, but I’m ok.

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Jonsnowsghost · 22/01/2020 13:09

Imagine if he text you about netflix 😅 that would be hilarious.
It's my birthday on Monday, no chance I will get a text. Kind of glad it's been a while now so I'm not desperately hoping he would text!

herbsmokedchicken · 22/01/2020 13:24

Haha yeah I did half wonder but I suspect he would have just tried to use it then thought “yeah, that was inevitable”. Yesterday was also six months to the day of us splitting and four months since we last spoke or saw each other - I don’t think he intentionally picked that day but it’s very appropriate I guess lol. Can’t believe it’s six months already! Doing a lot better but def hoped I’d be better than I am

Ah yeah at least now you’re not half hoping! I half wondered if he’d send me one for Christmas or new year. But without fb I doubt he’ll even remember it’s my birthday! And we’ve got the joy of valentine’s day to look forward to. Last year was the first time I’d ever had a boyfriend for it and it was so lovely...

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Jonsnowsghost · 22/01/2020 13:54

Urgh don't remind me about valentine's day...but I also realised this morning that we had two valentine's days together but didnt actually do anything 🤷🏼‍♀️ just got each other a card/gift whatever. He was a bit rubbish on those sort of things really 😅 although he was good at gifts! Not even half hoping as I 100% know he won't message so no point in even wasting brain space on it.
I can't believe it's been 7 months, it's crazy! I know he's happy now but I hope that one day he will stop and think about the effect his actions can have on someone, not necessarily to feel guilty or regret but just to think that he should think before he acts.

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