Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Break up support thread 4

864 replies

herbsmokedchicken · 04/11/2019 08:51

Sigh.!

OP posts:
herbsmokedchicken · 05/01/2020 16:28

Yeah I think that’s understandable, took me a while to take down pictures. And I still have them.

OP posts:
shitwithsugaron · 05/01/2020 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jonsnowsghost · 05/01/2020 17:46

Also was hoping he would change his mind and come back but I'm coming round to the fact that he's probably much happier now, even if it did start on a rubbish foundation they're obviously fine with that! It is sad but he will never be in contact again as they are probably more suited. Doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt to think about it but as herb says, we are both doing much better than we were!

Dazedandconfused10 · 05/01/2020 17:49

It gives me so much hope to hear how much better you guys are doing. I mean he left a week ago and I think Iim doing better already. I'm not crying anymore so that's something.

herbsmokedchicken · 05/01/2020 17:54

Yeah honestly, I’m not going to go back and read my old posts but I know I am doing so much better. It hurts. I think it’s going to hurt for a long time. But it definitely hurts less.

OP posts:
Jonsnowsghost · 05/01/2020 18:24

I'm too embarrassed to go back and read my old posts! I think it will be a while still before it stops hurting and I stop missing him, but def getting there. It takes me a long time to let people go, not a good trait really 😅

herbsmokedchicken · 05/01/2020 19:42

It’s hard to let people go tho, especially when you connected so well and can’t understand why the connection is gone on their part.

OP posts:
Newmumwales · 05/01/2020 23:37

As soon as I posted on here my first message my baby’s dad got in touch not just about daughter but said he can’t be without me (I ended it after a petty row) Said he can’t stop thinking about me and still loves me and he said it was over something so petty and we both just didn’t bother as both stubborn. He wants us to sort it out. Nothing has happened as such i just didn’t feel appreciated. I don’t feel don’t belong on here now as an odd one out :( but your all so friendly so I want to hang around. Hope you all had a good Christmas xx

herbsmokedchicken · 06/01/2020 12:16

How is it going now, does it feel better? I hope it all works out for you! How long since he got in touch?

OP posts:
Dazedandconfused10 · 06/01/2020 13:06

I had hoped going back to work would help. It has a bit. I'm busy but still meh today.

herbsmokedchicken · 06/01/2020 13:29

Yeah I had two weeks off work, not because of it, just how the timing worked out and for me that was better, i needed the time alone but I don’t have a busy job so would have been alone with my thoughts.

Oh! Also I don’t know if I said this, when I got back from my time off I told my desk mate what had happened, said I wouldn’t be telling anyone else unless asked directly but she was welcome to mention it if it came up for any reason. No one spoke to me about it so I thought no one had noticed I was sad. Turned out almost EVERYONE noticed but they discreetly spoke to her to be like “hey any idea what is up with herb” and she explained and said I didn’t want to talk and amazingly, everyone listened, even people who normally are busy bodies. Apparently it was super obvious something was wrong. In hindsight, no idea why I thought people wouldn’t notice I never smiled and kept going to the loo and coming back with a red puffy face. Sometimes I actually had tears rolling down my face at my desk.

I say everyone, not sure how many people really as I know for sure most of the men didn’t notice, but a fair few women were informed. I am fine with this as even now I don’t want to talk about it but was a bit cringe to realise everyone had twigged. I only found out a few weeks ago when I mentioned to my desk mate that I’d had a Christmas card addressed just to me and asked her if she had told the person in question.

I may have said this already so apologies for repeat story if so.

How have other people handled it with work?

OP posts:
Dazedandconfused10 · 06/01/2020 13:39

I was blunt about it with my best work mate. And then wasn't gonna mention it but I'm so down so had a quick meeting with my boss. She is v. Supportive of me. I'm not gonna mention it to anyone else though.

herbsmokedchicken · 06/01/2020 15:15

Yeah I didn’t want to mention it, I thought people would get the hint when I didn’t talk about him. Except they all got the hint from me walking round like a sad ghost apparently.

OP posts:
Dazedandconfused10 · 06/01/2020 15:18

Yeah I think I'm being pretty obvious that I'm fucking miserable. I wish I wasn't, but hey.

herbsmokedchicken · 06/01/2020 16:28

Sometimes you just can’t put a smile on! I couldn’t. I didn’t realise just how miserable I was until I came out the other side a bit.

OP posts:
Dazedandconfused10 · 06/01/2020 17:18

I honestly thought he might be here when I got home from work. I don't know why I'm getting mu hopes up. It's making it so much worse!

herbsmokedchicken · 06/01/2020 18:04

It’s horrible eh, took me weeks to stop looking for him when I left work, or to expect to see him parked outside my house when I came down the road.

OP posts:
Dazedandconfused10 · 06/01/2020 18:17

I have really missed him today and have some anecdotal stories that only he would understand. Gah I'm going for an early night.

herbsmokedchicken · 06/01/2020 19:05

Ahhh that sucks! I hope you have a better day tomorrow!

I posted a picture that would hold a little bit of meaning for him if a) he didn’t almost certainly have me on mute and b) he wasn’t totally obtuse about these things. I don’t allow myself to do pointed statuses or anything so posting something that no one would know the meaning of except us and which I know he won’t see, it makes me feel slightly better. Well not better. But it takes the edge of any need to get in contact. Because I have. But in a harmless way that he won’t see. I dunno. It’s weird. It makes sense to me...

OP posts:
Dazedandconfused10 · 06/01/2020 20:34

Thanks me too. I've nearly lasted another day without contact and the urge to message has passed. I think I'm just going to keep reminding myself he's not coming back and its over. I need to take that approach and not hope he will change his mind.

herbsmokedchicken · 06/01/2020 21:14

Yeah that’s basically what I did, just tried to tell myself that it’s over and try to head off any daydreams of reconciliation at the pass before they hurt too much but would be lying if I said I never indulged myself! It took a long time to get it to really click in my head that it’s over. Like I knew it but it took so long for me to believe it.

OP posts:
Dazedandconfused10 · 07/01/2020 07:15

I could not sleep last night! Tried listening to a podcast of stories and white noise and it just gave me extremely weird dreams.

I just can't stop thinking about him.

herbsmokedchicken · 07/01/2020 07:23

Sad yeah I struggled to sleep a lot, I still do now but tbf I’ve always struggled with getting to sleep, just makes it worse when I have an actual genuine bad thing to worry about. Do you normally sleep well? Hopefully this part won’t last long.

Were they just weird dreams or dreams of him? I dreamed of him last night. Can’t remember most of it but I know we slept together and god I miss that bit. Dreams of him are prob good in the long run as helps your brain work it all through.

OP posts:
Dazedandconfused10 · 07/01/2020 07:59

One was of him, the other was of me trying not to drown!!

My sleep has been terrible for ages but it was more comforting being away with him next to me.

Gah I just want to know how he is. Does he miss me? Or has he already moved on?

herbsmokedchicken · 07/01/2020 08:45

Trying not to drown seems rather symbolic! I know what you mean, I occasionally have nightmares and a couple of times it happened when I was with him and oh my god it feels so much better lying back down to sleep when someone has their arm around you and is telling you it’s ok.

I always wonder if A thinks of me now and if he is sad or just thinks oh well

OP posts: