Break up support thread 4

[herbsmokedchicken]

Sigh.!

YES I know what you mean, obvs I miss how he made me feel but I miss him, as a person, winds me up when people try and say I miss how he made me feel or I miss the idea of him. I know they’re trying to make me feel better but actually just invalidates my feelings!

Good he’s happy to feed the cats, have you decided if you’re going away?

I'm going to get away at some point but my friends have asked if I want to do something this weekend and I figured that was a better shout really.

Oh that’s good!

Watching first of the new jumanji films and I’m really liking it but also thinking how much A would and wishing we were watching it together! So frustrating.

I was surprised I enjoyed it!

I keep considering going to the cinema but is be seeing things I would have gone to with my ex and I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet.

Yes I struggle with that, less so now but I still have moments like today where I think well we would have watched this

And now I’ve realised the second one is still showing at my local cinema but I don’t have anyone to go with. Yes I could go alone but like...I don’t want to. Grrrrrrr.

I do feel like, cinema alone might be ok, I don't talk when I'm in cinema so would really make no difference if I went with someone or alone really.

Yeah some films I’d be ok with, I actually quite like going alone, just think with this one I’d be thinking about how we would have watched it together. But maybe I’ll go! We have to push ourselves sometimes I guess!

How are you feeling? Personally I’m like, blue but not as bad as yesterday so def think it’s hormones that make it spike. Hopefully by next month I’ll be over it more and it won’t be so bad! Can’t believe it’ll be six months for me in a couple of weeks!

I'm feeling okay, done a lot of thinking today. I want to have an open and Frank discussion with him but now is not the time. So I'm going to give it a week or so and suggest meeting again.

6 months!! Have you thought about dating again? I don't know if I've been scared off the whole thing to be honest. I have him my whole heart and I don't know if I can face feeling like this ever again.

Yeah I’m on the apps altho haven’t really been on them (dating pool here is shocking, just the same twats on every app!) but did have a couple of dates a couple of weeks ago with a nice guy but he’s not from here and he’s not back until Feb so dunno if anything will happen there. Was weird, like I had a nice time and then got home and sobbed my heart out because I didn’t want to be on a date, no matter how nice the guy was. I just want to be with A. Even now, if I ever try and picture being with someone, they morph into him. I know it’ll fade but I don’t think I’m ready to actively pursue anything - I don’t want to muck anyone around! Will see what happens with this chappy when he’s back in Feb as hopefully I’ll be in a better place by then (and despite how much I’m on here, I really am doing a lot better!)

But yeah it’s also really shit and scary to know I could fall in love with someone again and then it could all go tits up again! Being on MN doesn’t help as every other thread seems to be relationships falling apart!

Today is tough. I just want us to try again so hard and it's all out of my control. I just want him to show up at my door.

Uuugh I overheard a conversation he’d LOVE and I can’t tell him about it.

I know exactly how you feel! It took me so long to stop looking for him when I left work in case he was there.

I've messaged him even though I'm trying to do NC. It's probably pushing him away more to be honest but I don't know what else to do.

What did you say?

That I missed my best friend and husband more than anything and was willing to do whatever it takes for us to get back on track.

I would so love for things to work out for you!

My worry with A was that if he ever did come back (I knew he wouldn’t but in theory) would it ever even work? Or would I become so paranoid that I’d just end up destroying it myself?

I want it more than anything. I've never felt hurt like this before, my heart physically hurts. But i can't get my hopes up.

I would hope you'd be able to work things out. I think i would have to approach it like a new relationship .

No I don’t think it’s preachy! I am only speaking for myself here but I realised pretty quickly that if we got back together, it would probably implode. I still think we were right people wrong time and when I really need comfort I think, maybe a few years down the line when we’ve grown and the pain has eased, maybe we’ll find our way back to each other - I don’t actually believe this, but it makes me feel better to think it for a bit sometimes...

Maybe we were right people right time and were only ever meant to be a learning experience...all depends if you believe in destiny or not!

Sorry that turned into a bit of a stream of consciousness there!

Not at all! I do see that but I think he's just going through some stuff and it's a reaction to it. His brothers MH is v. Bad to the point of needing intervention and his dad has cancer and I think it's just made him question everything, and want to run away from life.

I'm going fully NC from now. The ball is in his court. I'm going to work on me, find happiness in myself, make new friends and see what happens. I just have some unbelievably sad moments and I've not gone this long not talking or seeing him.

I think NC is a good idea. And probably a good idea to do it properly, not have sneaky social media glances like I do! Not talking to them is so hard - it feels so wrong! But it’s best to try and get used to them not being in your life. It’s fucking horrible but also a good time to get in touch with yourself, think about what you want from life (aside from him, we already know that!)