Break up support thread 4

[herbsmokedchicken]

Sigh.!

I know what you mean Herb, I would say it to other people too, and they say youtube it, pay someone, it isn't worth it, I know its true but I still want to need him.

On the plus side, I feeling a lot better today, wondering whether I will go down at New Year or whether the new year will bring a fresh start.

I think we need to say that it WILL bring a fresh start. Let’s try and manifest it, we’ve decided 2020 is going to be our year!

But realistically I know I’ll prob feel a bit sad at midnight remembering that he was there with me, but Christmas wasn’t anything like as hard as I thought it might be so hopefully this will be the same

I'm an absolute mess. I just want him home. I want him to realise we should be together. Argh. I just don't see how it can be over.

it’s horrible isn’t it, and I always feel a bit of a fraud comforting people on here as I was with my ex for such a short amount of time compared to most but I understand that confusion, I just couldn’t get my head around how we could possibly be over. I still get moments like that even now, I’ll flash back to how we were and think, how can that possibly have ended?

I just keep wanting to pick up the phone and plead for him to come back. But I know that won't do any good.

Yeah it’s a horrible feeling! Just feeling like if you could find the right words they’d change their mind but you know they won’t. Also I knew that if he did somehow change, it would never be the same, I’d always be worried it would happen again.

I’m watching the show about Christine Keeler and every now and again you see her with her boyfriend and it seems so natural and loving and way too familiar for my liking. Find it hard to watch couples interacting still because I miss that.

I've refrained from it. I did text and ask about his dad as he is in hospital (part of how this has all come about - I think he's having a mid life crisis) but I'm going to aim for nc for 2 weeks and see how I go.

I'm going into town to shop tomorrow, I'm going to join a gym and also do some online classes.

Our friend group was his so I'm gonna have to find new ones but that can come in time.

This thread is great - you are all doing so well and I hope to be the same soon!

That sounds positive (about the gym and stuff not his dad obvs, that’s sad no matter the situation), I do feel like I prob should have done a bit more at the start to help myself. I know “new year new me” is a cliche but def want to try and be a bit more motivated in 2020, more proactive with my health and so on. We are going to make 2020 our year! Except I keep pressing the wrong button and saying 2029 lol.

You’ll def get there, I’m a bit of a mopey pants today but on the whole I’m so much better than I was. Just still miss the fucker and I can’t help that but it’ll fade.

I'll be honest they're more to keep me occupied but, it's just me and my cats at home so I need to get out or I will go stir crazy!

Yes def get out! Luckily (!) for me my break up happened in summer so I was miserable but I was miserable sitting on the beach.

Today is definitely a bit of a “we broke up, wtf” kind of day. I think I might have had a dream about him where we were still a normal couple, that often brings on the disbelieving feeling. I try not to dwell on it and move my thoughts away but I’ll get random flashbacks of how happy we were and just think, wtf? That ended?

Hugs. Today has been shit for me too. Added to a group WhatsApp about plans for tonight as no one knows we split yet. Sigh. Left the group have so far managed a nc day. He had a parcel arrive, left on doorstep for him to collect.

Oh fuck, awkward. That must have been a jolt. A and I didn’t socialise really so at least we had nothing to unpick.

Well done on the NC day! It does help Altho technically I don’t do it properly as I literally just don’t contact them but most people consider proper NC to be no checking their social media, WhatsApp status etc and I do do that occasionally still.

Feeling a bit sad today, NYE and my period isn’t an amazing combo I guess. Sat on sofa with my knitting and no plans to leave except maybe to get some snacks from the kitchen! And the loo obvs, things haven’t gotten quite that dire.

I've deleted my social media so I can't check it. Feels quite freeing actually.

I too am on my own with my cats. My little one has been like my shadow these past few days she's a real comfort. My older one pushed ex's work phone into a mug of tea so he's helping in his own way!

I just need to get through tonight.

Aww bless! My cat is useless. I’d always read about those pets who see their owner crying and try to comfort them, but not one of the pets I’ve ever owned has given the slightest shiny shite when I’ve been sad, little furry bastards.

Yeah I hate “event” days, like our would-be anniversary, Christmas, etc. But then you get through them and it gets a bit easier the next time an event crops up. Hopefully.

I hope so! I'm surprised by the cats. They're massive dickheads normally! But they've been good.

Just downloaded some podcasts with a view to getting out the house and going on a walk for a few hours as i know ex will come pick up parcel and will come in rather than take it from doorstep and leave.. if I'm out I need never know and he doesn't know what I'm up to.

Other option is jump on a train to London for the day.

Yes definitely good to avoid contact in person. What kind of podcasts? I always mean to try to listen to some but I’ve never gotten into any

Me either! I've gone for one by a entertainment team I like and a true crime one, never listened to either before but worth a try, I'll take a book too so I can spend maximum amount of time out the house.

Nice, let me know how they are.

I’ve overindulged on quiche already

Quiche sounds good! I've been terrible I've not eaten. My appetite is non existent, I'm not gonna force it, it will come back.

Yeah it will come back! I’m usually an emotional overeater (and just generally an overeater) but I barely ate for the first few weeks, lost like eight pounds, and even once I started eating again I still had days where I couldn’t face it. Was ages before I could eat Indian style curries again - stupid, but we used to eat from the local Indian restaurants a lot and I just associated it with him I think! Now I’ve gone the other way a bit and started eating my feelings so will be doing the new year cliche and trying to shift a bit of weight.

I don't eat when I'm sad. But I need to lose a some weight so I'm gonna embrace it before i hit the gym!

He didn't like Italian or mexican which are my faves so when it does come back I know what I will be eating!

Normally I eat ALWAYS so this was most unlike me!

My ex didn’t like spicy food, which didn’t bother me but at least I can cook food as spicy as I want without having to do a separate portion with no spice!

See, there is always a positive!

Rather have him and bland food, if I’m honest, but maybe this time next year me and some guy will be stuffing our faces with spicy food as we wait to ring in the new year together, and I’ll be thinking, A who?