Break up support thread 4

[herbsmokedchicken]

Sigh.!

@shitwithsugaron eating is a good sign, the first few days I ate almost nothing and that’s most unlike me! I think it took a few weeks for my appetite to fully come back. It’s certainly back now...

@herbsmokedchicken, it isn't my first break-up, I'd like to say it gets easier but I don't think it does if you keep your heart open.

It has really struck me, you mentioning my ex being cold, because he is and would describe himself as cold. I have never really taken that into account. I am now going to have to go and factor that into my weird internal jigsaw of our relationship.

@shitwithsugaron, I think it gets us all like that up and down and the Christmas period has definitely been a killer for me, I think my empathy for others over the festive period will increase tremendously in future.

Hi, I hope you don't mind if I join your group.

Still processing finding out recently that my ex-girlfriend of almost 8 years who broke up with me 6 months ago started seeing someone almost straight away afterwards, and had been in touch with him for a while before the breakup. I had pretty much moved on from that, but it has made me feel angry towards her again and also sad as I've got lots of memories of us having a great time together last Christmas.

On top of that, I'm still trying to work out if I've been dumped by someone new I met a few months ago (there's a whole thread on that, so I won't bore you with the details here), and have backed off totally so feeling really sad and anxious about that.

I can't bring myself to delete her Instagram account, and I find myself constantly looking at WhatsApp to see if she's online. Then convincing myself that if she's not online she's out on a date, or if she is online that she's messaging other guys. Why do I do this to myself?

@TheCatWithTheHat you need to delete everything for your own sanity. Focussing on what your ex is doing isn't going to help you heal. You need to focus on you and getting yourself back together. Reliving the past and reminding yourself of what's gone isn't going to help you move forward

Evening all, just checking in! Sorry to see a few new names on our thread, snuggle down and get comfy, we're all friendly here!

Had a lovely Christmas with DS, got to do it exactly how I wanted this year - it was amazing ❤️ he went to twat's on boxing day and threw up all over him! What a lad! Obviously I've had to deal with a poorly bubba since then but he's not been too bad.

Signed the contract for my new flat on the 21st and have been decorating it how I want it ready for all my stuff to be moved on the 18th. Really looking forward to moving in properly now. Everything has fallen into place for me now. Peaceful life, new job, new flat, happy baby. All is well 😁 just gotta deal with knob jockey refusing to sign the parenting agreement he verbally agreed to because he wants to cut his maintenance for DS again 🙄🙄 but that's nothing in the grand scheme of things!

@TeddyBeans - thanks, I know and I managed to do this with my ex of 6 months ago. Deleting her from Facebook was I think one of the lowest points as we were both very active on there, with lots of mutual friends.

Although I still have her number in my phone, and all our WhatsApp messages archived - and it doesn't bother me seeing them there now.

With this new girl, I don't even know if I've been dumped - so not quite ready to delete and start moving on just yet.

@TheCatWithTheHat that amount of uncertainty isn't going to do you any favours. How long have you been waiting to find out where you stand with this new girl?

@TeddyBeans I know, it's making me rather anxious and upset to be honest. I'm actually scared of losing her, and I think it's bringing back feelings from my previous breakup.

Without derailing this thread (I've posted more details in the thread titled "Not sure where I stand, or what to make of these Instagram posts"), she mentioned when we saw each other last Thursday that she was worried about "us" as she is struggling to handle some issues in her life.

Then last weekend we spoke more about it, and after I pushed her to tell me things would be OK with me, she said she didn't know how she felt, and the final message from her was that she was starting to think it might be best if we left it for now. But since then has been in touch a couple of times talking about normal stuff - most recently yesterday.

@TheCatWithTheHat honestly the way you started that post makes me think you're not ready for a new relationship. It sounds like you're projecting your feelings from your previous relationship onto this new one. I don't mean to be rude but that's the impression I'm getting... Especially when you say you pushed her to tell you it'd be okay. That's a lot of pressure to put on a person.

I'll read your other thread tomorrow if I can find it - kinda useless at finding these kind of things!

@TeddyBeans I was actually fine about the 6-month-ago breakup until last month, when a friend told me that my ex had started seeing someone a week after we broke up. And putting 2+2 together I realised she'd been speaking to him for a while, and had met up at least once.

I think I am over it - but this news knocked me a bit, and this time of year doesn't help. Lots of memories, and too much free time to dwell on things.

I think I'm just worried that this new one is also going to meet someone else - I can see now that me pushing was a lot of pressure to put on someone in a fragile mental state, and I'm hoping I've not ruined things, but I assume the worst and I'm finding it really hard to deal with.

The other thread is on the first page here currently - should be fairly near the top I guess even tomorrow.

@TheCatWithTheHat it sucks that you've taken steps back with your ex, sounds like you had a pretty good handle on it until these new facts came to light. It's still in the past though so try and keep it there, as hard as that is.

If the new girl is still talking to you regularly I think it's pretty safe to say you've not ruined anything. Maybe just give her some space rather than trying to go over/explain what's happened too much, you'll probably dig a deeper hole without meaning to and she'll appreciate the space to come to her own conclusions

@TeddyBeans Yeah, it does suck but I'm trying not to dwell on it too much as it's all in the past.

The new girl has been in touch a couple of times since last Sunday, when we had the heavy discussion - plus a couple of confusing Instagram posts on Sunday night (hence my other thread), so I'm really hoping you're right in that I've not ruined it. I'm giving her space now, but the uncertainty is almost unbearable. Plus doing the no contact thing is really tough as we used to speak virtually every day. It certainly feels like a breakup, even if it isn't one :(

So, I had a discussion with ex yesterday spelling out why I think our marriage can be salvaged and why he should make a go of it. He agreed to consider it and needed time to think it through.

I'm sure the answer is going to be no, but I just had to point out why I felt he was making a rash desicion in the heat of what is a shitty time for us both.

I've done all I can do. I'm going to focus on getting over him in the expectation it's a no. I'll keep you posted.

I'm such a dick. He said he wanted to try again, we had sex. I said he couldn't go out tonight to meet this girl i know he's got feelings for because my condition of us working things out what not to be her friend. He sulked and went to his mum's. So as far as I'm concerned it's over. Time to move the fuck on with my life.

I just feel like an idiot!! I'm fine, angry but fine. 7 years down the drain. Gonna take some time to recharge and face the new year a stronger person.

Oh no how awful! But you know where you stand now, that’s something at least.

@Dazedandconfused10 don’t worry! I’ve been there, it does get easier. But the hurt, my god, the hurt! Feels unbearable. But it does fade. Hugs.

Thanks guys. I'm hoping he took enough clothes to be gone for a week atleast before he returns. I've deleted my social media for now, I'll be fine. I just wish it wasn't such a shock.

I took everything his round to his parents, to prevent him from ever having to contact me again.

@Dazedandconfused10 sorry it's ended up this way for you but at least now you're not in limbo and you can actually start the process of healing and getting over his sorry arse. I took great pleasure in bagging all his shit up for him - it was very cathartic! Do whatever you need to do to start bringing some peace into your life. It's the least you deserve with the way he's been treating you

Yeah it is a horrible thing to happen but now you know and you can start to try and heal! Get his shit bagged up!

I’m a bit meh today, couldn’t sleep last night (not because of him, ate too much at a family party!) and I kept thinking of him, nearly cried but managed to stop myself and fall asleep. So today I’m a bit meh. Period due tho and for new posters who have not already been regaled with my monthly stories of this, it is typically the time when I do feel the sadness of him leaving hit me more - don’t normally find my periods affect my moods but they definitely have during this process. It’s frustrating, I’ve said these last couple of weeks how much I’ve improved and it’s true, I really do feel like me again but I still think of him every day. I force myself to think of other things obvs but he still worms his way into my mind multiple times a day.
The prick. Except he’s not a prick. But he is for the purposes of healing.

Geared myself up to go to shop and do a big shop (have mild driving anxiety) and the fucking car won’t start! So I’ve texted BIL and he hasn’t seen it yet but I’m sure he will come and have a look and see if it needs the garage or if he can sort it. But I just keep thinking of A! If we were still together, I’d have texted him. And he would have taken me to the shop as well as looked at my car. I don’t need him to sort my car out. If I didn’t have a BIL who knows his way around a car, I’d phone a mechanic. I don’t need him to take care of me. But I want him to. Shit like this is such a reminder that he is not in my life and not my first port of call anymore. Bah! Oh well. Change of plan, will crack on with housework instead.