Break up support thread 4

[herbsmokedchicken]

Sigh.!

Yeah def agree you need him to move out. My ex and I never lived together but even knowing he was in the same town made it difficult to get over him. Appreciate you can’t make him move town tho!

He's out tonight and I asked him if he was coming back here and he said he'd like to. I explained it was doing my mental health no good him being around as I just want him to realise how good we are together and get back on track.

He didn't really say much to that, but understood where I was coming from. I suspect he doesn't want to move back to his parents during the festive season. But I need to start being able to move on. So I'm gonna have to just forcefully ask him.

Yeah you need to ask him, its going to be so hard for you to accept it’s over if he’s hanging around. If he can’t/won’t move out just yet, then do what @shitwithsugaron has suggested and don’t do anything couple-y. Cut yourself off as much as you practically can. Maybe one day you can be friends, but right now he is not your friend. Sorry if that sounds harsh!

No, I know he's not my friend, I just have the pathetic glimmer that he might change his mind.

Urgh this sucks so much. I don't know how to function without him, how long is it going to take to get over this?

No timeline, we are proof of that on this thread! Five months in, I’m finally getting there, but I know there are other people who have been chill with it after a month 🤷🏼‍♀️
But you will be ok! I can’t believe how much better I feel now compared to when it first happened, even if I’m not totally over it. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, barely cracked a smile for weeks. My friends and family let me get on with it, I know now they were worried and are relieved to have “me” back. But it took a while and sometimes I wondered if I’d ever feel truly happy again. But I do. I also feel sad still and miss him but I am so much better now.

Thanks. I know I'll get there eventually. But I do feel like, I'm going to be single for ever now!

How long has it been for you @shitwithsugaron?

It sounds like you're moving in the right direction!

Yeah it’s a ball ache! And I’m wondering how long I’ll be single for - was single for sixteen years before now! I have had a date with a nice guy but won’t be seeing him again for a couple of months so dunno if anything will actually come of that.

About the same timeline as me!

I feel fine for a little while then I just think about how lonely I'm going to be - my friends were his first etc. I'm gonna have work on a new social circle.

Joining this thread as you all seem so friendly. Me and my daughters dad had a row two months ago and we’ve been apart ever since. We’ve been on and off for 7 years in July. Just wish we could make it work. It’s all so messy. I’m heartbroken and so down. I’m living in a bubble, it’s horrible. I’ve got my 1 year old to look after though. She’s on way back from her dads now. A Saturday night is always hard as he could be going out and getting on with his life. I ended it on the row but he hasn’t tried. He never does in all the years. Hope I’m welcomed x

Can I join too please? It has been a couple of months for me, but I'm really struggling at the moment. I know that it is for the best, not that I have a choice, but I can objectively say we are better off apart. But today I really miss him and just want to be with him. I'm hoping I can use my distress posting, rather than doing something that will be unproductive and probably self sabotaging.

Hi guys! Sorry you’re both here but we are always happy to listen!

@Newmumwales sounds horrible and confusing! If you’ve been on and off all this time, perhaps you are just not meant to be?

keepingtheplantsalive (it’s not letting me tag you) in hindsight I can see me and my ex are prob better off apart (I think he just wasn’t ready for a relationship, I wish we’d met further down the line but there we go) but doesn’t stop me missing him, so I know what you mean!

Thanks,

I went somewhere we used to go together today and as soon as I got there I remembered the last time we had gone. Where we had fallen out and it brought back just how unhappy I was a lot of the time before we split up. But weirdly it made me want to see him more and I have had a proper big cry.

I desperately want to see him but I haven't seen him since we split, only when he collected his stuff. We spoke once on the phone and messaged a couple of times, all initiated by myself, he was polite but unengaged, so I have gone no contact. Deleted off of Social Media and am currently managing not to cyberstalk him but I'm really struggling today with coming to terms with him really not being bothered.

Mine informed me today that we’re both looking so much better without the stress of being together. He might have a point. I look better. 😂

Yes @keepingtheplantsalive (yay tag!) I have only seen mine twice since the split, five days after we went for a spin when he dropped round my stuff and there was a tiny bit of text contact after that but then nothing for a couple of months, he then texted me out the blue to inform me he was leaving town (which I’d already known he would) and so he dropped off the last of my stuff and we went for another spin. That was just over three months ago. No contact since then. It’s fucking hard to know he probably doesn’t even really think about me now and yet I, despite doing so much better these days, still think about him multiple times a day.

It's hard isn't it, I know that he is assertive enough that if he wanted to see me he would have done. We don't live in the same place either, so I will probably never see him again. I kinda know its for the best but its really hard how he has just left a relationship of years without a backward glance. Especially as everyone else seems to have some interaction, but to be honest part of our problems were that I always felt he had one foot out of the door the whole time, and it turns out I was right, but I don't want to be!

Thanks,
It doesn't does it and knowing I'm the one that hurts the most is crappy too. Especially as my stupid heart won't listen to my brain and go ok its sensible to stop loving him now.

keepingtheplantsalive (no tag again!) yeah unless God got something up his sleeve that I don’t know about, I’ll never see my ex again. I might talk to him over text but I’ll never see him in person again and I find that so bizarre! Altho also a relief, he went a month ago and the first Monday after, walking into work I felt so relaxed knowing there was no chance I’d see him, I hadn’t realised how tense it had been making me! But just find it so weird, six months ago he loved me and then a few weeks later he didn’t?! How does that even happen?

@herbsmokedchicken , some days its a relief and I can get on with my life, knowing I won't have to see him move on with someone else. But it is so surreal that I won't see his gorgeous face again and that in the end I meant so little to him anyway. I don't think he will even text me to be honest, probably for the best long-term but short term it feels brutal. I can't even say he is doing it to be kind because he was pretty cruel in some of the things he said and did when leaving.

I know its confusing that they obviously had a whole different dialogue in their head and that's where they kept it until they left and that somehow we should have intuited it?

Yes, surreal is definitely the word! It’s my first break up and I just find it all so bizarre, that the connection can just go. Your ex sounds quite cold from the little I’ve seen so far.