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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Break up support thread 4

864 replies

herbsmokedchicken · 04/11/2019 08:51

Sigh.!

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herbsmokedchicken · 17/12/2019 13:27

Ah i get you! Yeah I’d be the same, I find that kind of thing interesting!

I’ve been good on the no whatsapp! And not bad on FB. Still feel it was the right choice to not unfriend, we’ll never be besties but I do feel we will be able to have a casual friendship one day. I’ll see how I go though.

@Mumcomehere I find that strange as I hate losing connections to people but some people are like that, not so fussed about keeping ties! A unfriended all my friends because he liked them but didn’t see any need to keep a connection to people he only knew through me. And whilst he is still fb friends with his old workmates, I doubt he’s texting them any more or maintaining any kind of connection besides just being friends on FB.

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Jonsnowsghost · 17/12/2019 13:41

You can see how it's making me wonder though, his pattern of behaviour changing like that... probably just overthinking again!

herbsmokedchicken · 17/12/2019 14:34

Yeah I’m the same, he had his active turned off on fb for ages (was great as one less place to stalk!) and when he turned it back on I was totally reading into it but that was a couple of months ago

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herbsmokedchicken · 19/12/2019 07:09

Dreamed about him again, quite often do but this one was interesting - he’d lost his memory of our time together and instead of being like wow, have you been to the doctor, I just agreed to go on a date. I told him how we’d been together nine months, discussed marriage, and he was like oh wow. Don’t think I mentioned the part where he fell out of love with me and shattered my heart into a million tiny pieces. We went on the date, can’t remember that bit but it was typical dream surreal stuff I think. Then after, he texted me to say what a great time he had. Think that’s fairly clear, me obviously wanting a second chance but with full knowledge so I can avoid it happening again! I do dream of him a lot but this one is lingering, think because of a moment at the start when we got out his car to walk to the venue of our date and he put his arm around me and I nestled into him - it felt SO familiar. Even dream me got freaked out by it and told dream him how weird it felt! I can still feel it now.

I saw an episode of the dog house the other day where a lady had lost her husband, she said you can get all the hugs from your children, your grandchildren, but it’s not the same as a hug from your husband. Obviously I appreciate our situations are vastly different and I’m not trying to say otherwise cos I was only with the bloke for nine months but I get what she means. I’ve had lots of hugs since and they’re lovely but not the same.

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Jonsnowsghost · 19/12/2019 16:43

I had a sex dream about my ex the other night - it was pretty graphic too Blush😅

Maybe he was thinking about me ha ha ha ha

herbsmokedchicken · 19/12/2019 20:45

Haha! I’ve had a few of these but not too graphic! God I miss that aspect. Like I miss it all but I miss that a lotttttt

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Jonsnowsghost · 20/12/2019 16:43

Posted an Instagram story (which I haven't done for over a month) guess who's watched AGAIN within like 40 minutes...Hmm just makes me laugh now!
It wasn't even just a photo, it was a slightly too long video (couldn't be bothered to trim it) then a photo afterwards so he sat through that...

Notcoolmum · 20/12/2019 17:30

Hi all. Sorry to hear so many of you are still struggling. I think I told you I gave my ex a chance and he ended things again. He was then so cold to me that my feelings for him just switched off. I've blocked him and I feel so At peace with things. I've spent a year mooning over a man. And I'm glad that's all over now!!

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas. And think of a fabulous new year full of exciting and new opportunities.

Notcoolmum · 20/12/2019 17:37

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herbsmokedchicken · 20/12/2019 18:26

I’m so glad you feel at peace! I’m definitely starting to feel a lot more at peace with it and my family have commented that I seem more my old self, I’m still not ok with it but I’m a lot closer now. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and new year too xxx

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Jonsnowsghost · 20/12/2019 19:17

SHIT I was just nosing on facebook messenger active and ACCIDENTLY CALLED HIM
SHHHIIIITTTYTT

Apparentlyacatch · 20/12/2019 19:58

jonsnow haha I did that but on WhatsApp! I am a little worried that your really investing a lot of your time ‘watching’ him - you’ll heal a lot faster if you get rid of every connection. I’ve just had to block my ex on fb and xbox because I was just looking at his profiles all the time - doesn’t help at all just makes me worse, especially if I saw he’d got new friends etc.

Jonsnowsghost · 20/12/2019 20:08

I honestly don't that much, sounds like it but I've cut down massively on what I did!

I went for a good month or so not looking at all, had a bit of a relapse and am stopping again as I agree that it's better for me. Definitely will now after that mistake!!

Jonsnowsghost · 20/12/2019 20:10

Oh also I haven't looked at his actual profiles since july, I only have a look at if he is online occasionally. The Instagram stuff was a boring day and not something I do all the time

herbsmokedchicken · 20/12/2019 20:30

Ah cringe! Remember when A did that to me! He claims he spilled water on his phone but was right around the time he told me he was moving back and also when he took me off insta so I’m pretty sure he was erasing our chat.

I’ve def been pretty good at not checking his profiles, it doesn’t even really occur to me most of the time now! Still does sometime tho

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Jonsnowsghost · 20/12/2019 20:37

Oh yeah 😅 I'm so embarrassed 🤦🏼‍♀️ I have a plaster on my thumb and it makes using my phone difficult so I accidentally pressed the call button. Then couldn't work out how to cancel it, just staring at my phone in horror! Urrghh he always had his phone with the sound on, I hope he's stopped doing that....it's Friday so he's likely to be with his gf so I'm extra cringing. What a knob I am.
I didnt send a follow up sorry message or anything....just quietly leaving it and ignoring it....😅

BuddhaAtSea · 20/12/2019 21:13

I did that! I was trying to call my DD, I dropped the phone and in catching it I dialled his number, which was listed on the ‘recent’ list. I texted back: ‘there is a logical explanation to the missed call but I can’t offer it without sounding even more insane. Suffice to say I didn’t want to talk to you’.
I got a laughing emoji back.

Later on, I did the same thing again, this time in front of him, again, trying to call DD. 🙄

herbsmokedchicken · 20/12/2019 21:25

@Jonsnowsghost yes I think just quietly ignoring it is good!

Ah buddha cringe! It’s worse when it happens twice, I remember years ago I sent a crush about my crush to my crush then got so flustered I ended up sending the same text to him again somehow!

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Jonsnowsghost · 20/12/2019 21:33

Glad I'm not alone in my stupidity 😅

shitwithsugaron · 22/12/2019 14:46

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Jonsnowsghost · 22/12/2019 15:03

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that, and at this time of the year too. Definitely a good time of year to keep busy though! Please come here for a moan or anything, we don't judge and are supportive :)

shitwithsugaron · 22/12/2019 15:59

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herbsmokedchicken · 22/12/2019 16:01

Oh sorry you’re having to be here, it’s poo isn’t it! I know how you’re feeling, it’s horrible! I’m five months in and I’m not ok or over it but I am SO much better now than I was even a month ago! So there is hope!

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Jonsnowsghost · 22/12/2019 16:29

As herb, I'm about 6 months in, I still get sad and I still miss him but I'm so much better than i was, and you will be too :)

shitwithsugaron · 22/12/2019 17:55

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