Break up support thread 4

[herbsmokedchicken]

Sigh.!

Oh that doesn’t sound good at all, I’m so sorry.

Had a dream...and it wasn’t about A! Lots of random stuff going on, including a really fast lift (a recurring theme in my dreams) but the nain point is I’d met someone and we were flirting and I was stroking his arm and we fancied each other. I’ve not felt arrested to anyone except A in a year and a half so having feelings for someone else even if it was just a dream someone, I feel that’s a good step forward.

Felt ATTRACTED! I hate when my phone decides to autocorrect words like five words later because I never notice it

@herbsmokedchicken I'm 20 years older than you but I am still meeting men and going on dates. Had a very cold message from my ex this morning. Hurt like a bastard but he's now blocked and deleted. He's had all he will ever have from me.

@Notcoolmum that’s great that you’re still going on dates! Super small community where I live, hence the lack of available men.

That’s horrible about the message from your ex but sounds like you’re being very strong.

Oh that first bit sounded really patronising!! I meant great that there’s still men available to date!

Thanks @herbsmokedchicken only a week ago we had plans to go on a date. And now we are over. Again. And he has been horribly cold about it. Lesson learned.
I live in a city and do OLD. There are plenty of options out there.

The coldness must hurt! But at least you know where you are now.

Yeah I’ve been doing OLD a few years now, how I met A but never had much else come out of it, haven’t even bothered checking any of the apps for a few weeks tho as haven’t been feeling it.

It hurt so much this morning. But it's deleted. He's blocked. There's birthing for me to keep checking or read over. He's out of my life for good now

I thought you worked with A. I clearly got that wrong. I thought you were friends before you dated?

No, we met online, went on a date but I wasn’t feeling it (something I’ve done before on the rare occasions someone has liked me, I know it’s a fear response but convince myself at the time I just don’t like them) then a couple of weeks later he reached out and we became friends. Quickly realised I’d done the usual thing and I still liked him. But thought I’d blown it so didn’t do anything about it about five months and just enjoyed the friendship but I still liked him so much I just decided to put it out there and it turned out he still liked me too so we got together.

Leads to a lot of what ifs, like what if I’d pushed through and gone on a second date when he asked me, would we have still gotten together? Would we still have only lasted nine months or would we still be together now - one of my theories is that the dissatisfaction he felt with his job and his life in our town had an impact and affected his feelings for me - as I was really the only thing keeping him here. So if we’d been together longer and in a stronger place by the time he started to dislike his job, would he have felt differently about me? I don’t dwell on that now because I’ll never know and wouldn’t make a difference if I did! But just some background.

@herbsmokedchicken thanks. I thought I'd read you were friends beforehand. I would have thought a friendship was a better base for a relationship. So it should have strengthened not weakened it.

Yeah I always said I thought we were better for having that base of friendship first but maybe I was wrong! Or maybe it was never meant to be anything but a lovely, short lived relationship. I try not to focus on it now because there’s no way for me to know if we could ever have changed things. I’ve spent weeks and weeks tying myself up in knots wondering but finally gotten past that. Except for right now obvs but that’s just because we’ve ended up talking about it.

@Notcoolmum sorry to read about his message, glad you've blocked him! I'm middle aged working ft and two kids but I find OLD quite good, I live very close to a city too.

I find it really odd but since I realised my guy was willing to cheat on his now girlfriend with me I've literally lost all interest in him. I feel absolutely nothing. I really feel quite bad for her and kind of hope she realises what hes like before she gets too committed to him...I know it's not my problem but no one deserves to be cheated on.

I've been dating too, is going quite well

@PuffinSock that’s really good that you’ve lost all interest, it must feel so much better to not be fussed about them anymore! Very freeing.

I’ve got a first date with someone from OLD tonight and I don’t know how I feel about it! Stil think about the ex everyday and miss him - not been a month yet! I’m just gonna go and see how I feel! I might be ready or I might be like nope! Need more time 😂

Oh good luck! Let us know how it goes! Hopefully you have a good time regardless!

I see my exP every other day it seems.
I went from happy, smiley, whatever dude, to bursting into tears, today was particularly hard as he smiled at me and said something about fancy meeting you... I was smiling but as he went past me I just burst into tears.
I keep telling myself it’s only temporary, that I’ll get over it. I almost want him back, although it was me who dumped him and I stand by my reasons why.
I’m in a bad place.

Hang in there ladies, 2 month ago I was crying into my coffee because he was in a new relationship and I felt on the scrap heap ... how times change, I'm blissfully happy and planning (tentatively, early days) my future life with someone else. OLD works!

@SeaSidePebbles oh that must be hard! I only ran into mine once and didn’t even lock eyes and that was hard enough, altho maybe in time you’ll become a bit immune to it. I must say, as gutting as it is to know A has moved away, is starting a lovely new life without me, it is relaxing being out and about and knowing there’s no chance of seeing him.

Hi there, just asking if I can join in, 30 days out of a 5 yr Very EA relationship. Happy in theory to move on, definitely for the best but I'm thinking about ex ALL THE TIME why why why waste an ounce of energy on a horrible person? I don't understand. Sigh 😔

And Dorri82 massive hand hold for you, you definitely deserve better than that.

:) thank you all. Yesterday was particularly hard. I’ll probably see him today again, but there’s not a lot I can do bar becoming a hermit behind my shutters.
@neverdoingthatagain100 sorry you’re joining us, but welcome!

Thanks SeaSidePebbles,
I've seen my ex about 3 times and each time I've acted weird. I feel physically sick each time I see him. I can't even act ' i don't give a fuck' I was doing ok then sat night he passed my house and beeped his horn outside the window waiting for me to look out. (I hid) I have no idea what he wanted, he's like a dog marking his territory. That has set me right back which , I expect is what he wanted. Unfortunately we are in the same community so I will never be really 'free' of him all I can do is work on breaking the ties and keeping away as much as possible. He's an abusive shit and I just want to call him and tell him I miss him sooo much. (Which I won't be doing!!!) sorry if I've waffled on and thanks for the thread xx

@neverdoingthatagain100 you’re not waffling! If you are, we all are. There’s a stigma attached to saying how we feel, but it shouldn’t be, once it’s out we gain a bit of perspective, as if it’s not inside us anymore, we can take a step back and we can look at it for the outside.

Look after yourself, spend that headspace on yourself, find joy in little everyday things.

I am slowly rebuilding myself. I don’t blame him, he is who he is. We’ve been in this merry go round before, it’s not our first gig. The fundamentals are good, really good. The bad aspects are not being dealt with, I would get really expensive thoughtful presents to compensate. Which sent me into a tailspin, because his way of sorting issues riled me right up. Both our lives are lived in the same square kilometre. Work, leisure, homes. I’ll have to find a way.

It's so hard being in the same vicinity. For me I've been addicted to a bad thing, not sure if everyone is in the same boat , and I need to break the addiction. I'm working on that. Positively on Sunday I've arranged to stay with my sister for 2 weeks over Christmas so I'm hoping for a happy break to help forget my addiction. At least I will be far away. I hope you all have some positive plans for the festive period.