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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Break up support thread 4

864 replies

herbsmokedchicken · 04/11/2019 08:51

Sigh.!

OP posts:
Apparentlyacatch · 03/12/2019 10:01

I really hope so!! I just think of him all the time. I am doing better but I just miss him sigh

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 03/12/2019 10:21

It’s horrible eh! It gets better...but then sometimes it gets worse again...but then it gets better again and I find the better times last a little longer each time

OP posts:
Apparentlyacatch · 03/12/2019 10:49

I hope so! I really am not looking forward to Christmas at all this year - just wish I could wake up and it be mid January!

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 03/12/2019 11:36

Yeah I’m a bit meh at the idea of Christmas alone after last year was so lovely but I’m sure I’ll perk up on the day! Last year my sister and crew didn’t come round, this year they are so at least that’ll help.

OP posts:
Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 03/12/2019 15:10

I miiiiiiisssss hiiiiiim. Like I think about him all the time but I don’t actually miss him all the time now. But right now I proper, proper miss him. Not sure why it’s suddenly hit.

OP posts:
Apparentlyacatch · 03/12/2019 21:45

I think what you miss is the idea of him and what he brought - a relationship? And maybe because he’s gone it’s definitely the end now is why you’ve got this sudden hit of missing him?

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 03/12/2019 22:06

Ahh I’ve been told this before and whilst I don’t think that’s wrong, I think there is an element of that, I most definitely do miss him. But yeah I do think him leaving has probably brought it on. But no, I most definitely miss him, as a person.

OP posts:
Notcoolmum · 04/12/2019 09:10

So I made a mistake of letting my ex back into my life. We had a short reconciliation and yesterday he ended things again. So I'm back to NC. I've deleted him and our chat. But so annoyed with myself for allowing this to happen again. And yet also part of me hoping he will message today to say he's been a twat.

Back to the start of getting over him. Hopefully it will be easier this time...

Notcoolmum · 04/12/2019 10:05

@herbsmokedchicken I mean this with all kindness but you must remove him from WA and FB. After months of being apart it makes me sad you are at day 2 of not checking. It's hard I know. But keeping checking on him means you haven't started no contact. And no contact is the only way to heal yourself.

Someone said to me yesterday no contact is the only way to genuinely heal and break the bond so you can find a loving partner. That really resonated with me. We need to be kind to ourselves and checking up on our exes is emotional torture.

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 04/12/2019 10:05

Ahh no! That must be such a head fuck, I’m so sorry to see that. At least you’ve got righteous anger to hopefully help you through!

OP posts:
Apparentlyacatch · 04/12/2019 15:42

I agree notcoolmum this is the first break up I’ve had no contact and I’ve pulled myself together a lot quicker than I’ve ever done before. I had 2 weeks of sobbing and feeling awful but now I can see light again! Yes I miss him and would him to come running back and say ahh I made a mistake etc but he won’t. It’s time to move on and find someone who will love you and deserve your love.

Notcoolmum · 04/12/2019 16:00

It's the only way @Apparentlyacatch
I deleted my ex from my phone last night. Deleted our chat (which I hadn't realised was on my iPad going back to earlier in the year) from both my phone and iPad. And now I can't contact him or read through old messages. He's gone.

Jonsnowsghost · 04/12/2019 19:34

I've deleted chats but not his number, and he's muted/unfollowed on instagram and Facebook. I haven't looked at his profiles since july so I'm doing well at that! The only thing I've done recently is the post above about all the surfer girl posts he's suddenly liking.
I'm trying to come to terms with the fact it's been over 5 months and theres no sign that it will end and he won't come running back :( I know deep down that they will probably be together a long time but there was always that hope. I think accepting this is the next step, but it is hard to let go! I have come so far but I do still miss him. Isn't it supposed to be half the time of your relationship for getting over them? I've still got a few months to go....

Notcoolmum · 04/12/2019 20:17

I'd heard one month for every year @Jonsnowsghost and it definitely took me longer than that. Would you want him back when he's been with someone else for 5 months anyway?

Jonsnowsghost · 04/12/2019 20:21

Definitely not one month for each year for me! I've never got over anyone that quickly. Who knows, if he did ever contact me I might actually surprise myself and get angry or ignore him, i wouldn't know unless it happened really

SeaSidePebbles · 04/12/2019 20:43

Mine blocked me on FB 😂. For which I am grateful. However, he still follows me on Strava and is part of some joint WhatsApp groups. And he keeps texting me, every few days. For random reasons: where is my X? 🙄🤯

PuffinSock · 04/12/2019 20:53

I agree about NC. After NC you feel much stronger and empowered too. Ive started seeing someone else and its helping too, he messages me every day, we have fun together etc. When ex messaged me today I couldn't be bothered to reply, I really think as time goes on I'm seeing him for who he is and I have lost pretty much all interest in him. I definitely recommend dating when you feel ready Smile

Mumcomehere · 05/12/2019 08:02

I also agree NC is the way to go and move forward. As you know I started dated quite soon after the breakup, and were still going strong, I'm still cautious and I do think of twat, 3 years comes with a lot of memories, and it still hurts what he did to me.

Mumcomehere · 05/12/2019 08:02

*dating

Apparentlyacatch · 05/12/2019 09:20

Even though I said I didn’t have any intentions of dating so soon I’ve been chatting to this guy and we are going for a drink on Tuesday! He’s been a great distraction and I’ve barely thought of the ex and don’t feel sad about him. I’m quite excited tbh! He seems lovely so we shall see!

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 05/12/2019 10:28

How the hell do you even meet all these people! Load of knobheads here, why I was single for so long, plus once you get past about mid twenties there aren’t many men left or many opportunities to meet them! Still vaguely considering moving away so not going to be looking to start anything yet, not that I feel ready yet anyway. Good for you guys tho!

OP posts:
Dorri82 · 05/12/2019 19:20

Ladies... my ex's new girlfriend of 3 months is 3 months pregnant. I can't get my head around it. We only split up 3.5 months ago after 7 years. What the actual fuck

Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 05/12/2019 22:24

Oh my god that’s horrendous!

OP posts:
Original poster
herbsmokedchicken · 05/12/2019 22:48

Sorry that was a really dramatic reaction there but I’m in a dramatic mood. Seriously tho that must be a head trip, how are you feeling?

OP posts:
Dorri82 · 06/12/2019 09:41

Devastated! I just can't believe it. We've got a little girl who's 3. She's never even met this new gf. This woman has 3 kids already, my ex has just moved in with his mum and has another child from a previous relationship. I just want to take my little girl and run away from it all :(

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