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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Break up support thread 4

864 replies

herbsmokedchicken · 04/11/2019 08:51

Sigh.!

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Jonsnowsghost · 29/11/2019 08:59

Still kind of sad from wednesday, but also loser type sad as I went to bed holding something he made me last night ha ha, it's only you guys I would tell this to!
I think I'm having quite a big dip back but the grieving process isnt linear.

herbsmokedchicken · 29/11/2019 09:35

Oh bless you jonsnow! If I could hold something like that I probably would tbf! I remember last Christmas he didn’t get me any plushies because I “have too many” and I was like boo you whore but now I’m like thank fuck cos how many nights would I have gone to bed holding it and sobbing?!

Yeah it’s def not linear, it’s a whole process. My friend had a similar situation to me with her first love (years ago now) and she said even once she’d moved on and stopped being sad and started dating and stuff, it was still another year or so before she truly felt at peace with it, even tho she wasn’t sad or thinking about it much. So it takes time.

My period is due and we know by now how that effects me!

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Apparentlyacatch · 29/11/2019 09:55

I’m feeling sad too! Even though I felt good for deleting him etc now I just feel sad. Sad he’s not with me, sad he’s not even texted me.

I read online that most exes reappear after a while! Why do I have to have the one that doesn’t!!! 😩

herbsmokedchicken · 29/11/2019 10:03

I keep reading that but I’m not convinced, I know lots of people who have never heard from their exes again (or have just become friends as it’s a small community) and I’ve got male friends who have never attempted to go back!

And I know mine and he is def not the type to come back even if he did regret it a bit.

It truly is Black Friday haha we are all sad.

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Mumcomehere · 29/11/2019 10:06

Anyone up for a pity party? Lol

herbsmokedchicken · 29/11/2019 10:17

I think the party has already started!

It’s weird as well because it’s only you guys who know what today is, I don’t think anyone irl has remembered as I’ve not mentioned it. So I feel all weird. But I don’t want to talk about it to anyone irl - I know I could but I just don’t want to. I think there’s a certain amount of humiliation - I haven’t been able to bring myself to tell anyone about his house. Not that they need to know. But it’s embarrassing - that we made all the plans and then he did them without me. I know I shouldn’t feel embarrassed but I do.

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Jonsnowsghost · 29/11/2019 11:05

@Apparentlyacatch same, I know mine won't come back either. You read about men realising "the mistake they made" but i truly believe he's now found his "soulmate" and he will never contact me again. I'm so sad about this, sad about how much happier he must be with her now. I know I had my faults but he could have spoken to me instead of going off with someone else. He didn't even try to fix it and he's still with her 5 months on. I can note how he likes so many more Instagram posts of surfers in bikinis now than he did a few months ago but ultimately it means nothing.

I'm all for a pity party! I'm having a bad dip, really miss him, blaming myself again (as you can see from my last posts). I now know why I wasnt more tactile but I wish I could tell him how I've fixed myself, I know it wouldn't make a difference though as I know he doesn't miss me at all (despite watching my Instagram stories, I dont think that means anything :()

herbsmokedchicken · 29/11/2019 12:10

It’s horrible! And I fully believe eventually we will look back and think wow god, remember when I was in absolute bits because so and so left me? And it’ll seem bizarre to us because we will be over it. But that doesn’t help me much here and now when I’m feeling crap and wishing I’d never met him so I could have avoided this pain.

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herbsmokedchicken · 29/11/2019 12:10

I just blew on my pasta to cool it down and it fell of the spoon and on to the floor. What a day.

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herbsmokedchicken · 29/11/2019 16:50

Seems especially poetic that on a Friday, the day we always had together, he is leaving me forever.
Bastard.

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herbsmokedchicken · 29/11/2019 17:22

I feel shit! I knew we would never get back together but this is really it. This time last year we were so happy, now I’ve not spoken to him in over two months and he’s leaving town.
The BASTARD

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grecianurn82 · 29/11/2019 17:48

I'm jumping back on the thread, I had joined the last one but we worked things out and then totally out of the blue she finished things again 2 days ago (I'm also f just so theres no confusion) We had been together almost two years, I saw her Tuesday for lunch and we were making plans for the next few weeks and for Christmas and then all of a sudden she text me Wednesday and just ended it. I'm absolutely heartbroken, I was so sure it would work out long term. I miss her so much. We were friends before the relationship and she wants to go back to that but I just dont think I can, it hurts too much.

herbsmokedchicken · 29/11/2019 18:01

Oh no how awful! Yeah I optimistically thought A and I could be friends again but I don’t think we can, not any time soon anyway. Sorry you’ve had to rejoin us.

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grecianurn82 · 29/11/2019 18:16

Thank you, part of me wants to stay friends because she has an awful lot going on at the moment that I was supporting her through and I kind of feel like I'm abandoning her by not staying in contact. But I know I'd just be hoping she would change her mind.

herbsmokedchicken · 29/11/2019 19:49

Yeah in hindsight if I’d attempted to build a friendship with mine I’d just have been torturing myself. You have to think of your own mental well-being as well as hers

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herbsmokedchicken · 29/11/2019 21:45

Still sad but this cutie is helping

Break up support thread 4
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grecianurn82 · 30/11/2019 12:32

Feel awful today, I'm in work for the day and got barely any sleep last night. I haven't contacted her at all since yesterday lunchtime, it feels like forever.

herbsmokedchicken · 30/11/2019 20:39

Ah I feel you! It gets easier altho it’s still so bizarre to think that I haven’t seen or spoken to him in over 2 months now. Realised this morning it wasn’t yesterday he went, it’s later tonight. So even tho I knew he wouldn’t pitch up at my door...a little part hoped. But he didn’t. Generic leaving post on fb, no mention of me (thankfully). Would love to be a big enough person to message him to say good luck. I was planning on it. But no I can’t do it.

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herbsmokedchicken · 01/12/2019 10:07

19 weeks today since we split but also 20 weeks since our last normal day together as a couple (although of course unbeknownst to me he’d already started thinking about splitting up) and I’ve often thought oh today is however many days since I last woke up with him and I didn’t know it was the last time. Occurred to me today that I also didn’t realise I’d only see him three more times in my life. How fucking bizarre is that?!

Hope everyone is having a good Sunday, I’m off to see Frozen in a bit! Maybe it will thaw my heart...

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grecianurn82 · 01/12/2019 11:13

I've planned to go to my parents for a few hours, I cant sit in the house for the day watching the phone.

herbsmokedchicken · 01/12/2019 13:55

That’s a good idea, I just went to see frozen and I did think of him but at least it gave me a break from my phone!

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PuffinSock · 01/12/2019 15:07

I'll bring some g&t to our pity party Wink I know it's no consolation, but mine has attempted contact a few times in the past few months and I did see him once recently. I have found it really painful, as seeing him reignited all my hopes and love for him Sad but I was given a hard telling to by my friend who has made it clear shes sure hes just using me as a back up/ego boost. I realise she is right, he wouldn't have gone to the trouble of trying again with his ex if he really loved me Sad so back to cutting him off and learning to move on.

Hope someone gets good news soon Smile

herbsmokedchicken · 01/12/2019 15:47

We’re gonna get there in the end I know it!

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SeaSidePebbles · 01/12/2019 16:14

Oh, I see my exP all the bloody time. He just gives me this crushed look and has a very sad face. I feel nothing. He sort of half nods hello with a crumpled face. He also looks terrible. He knows he’s been a complete dk. But he’s not sad about how he behaved towards me, he’s sad for poor himself, dumped, with his entire family, including his kid, really angry at him.
I don’t miss him, I miss how I felt when I was loved and comfortable. I took him back before. Because when I saw or heard from him it was like being punched in the stomach. This time, I’m just mildly irritated. Before, I thought he behaved the way he did because he was damaged and unloved. I said from the word go I’m not there to ‘make him better’, I’m not his counsellor, or his mother, but I would be understanding and supportive if he wants to help himself. Now, a few years later, I realise he uses his poor mental health as an excuse to behave like a d
k. And I want no part of it, because it’s dragging me down.
He would be great as a friend, but I can’t be bothered knowing what’s in the rest of the package.
Knowing him, he’s also very angry for the time being because he didn’t dump me first. And because I severed all avenues he might pursue to come back like the last time. He’s really childish like that. So he hovers in places he knows I’ll be, he has just as much right to be there, but makes sure I see him and his sad face.
I’m not angry, we had 3 good years. When it wasn’t shit!

PuffinSock · 01/12/2019 16:43

@Seasidepebbles your story is really sad. I'm glad though that you see him for what he is and you see through the excuses. I think often it's so hard to let go because we hold on to the dream of how we thought things could be in best case scenario, when in reality these guys arent worth it. Still sad and hard though.