Her husband is on Tinder, WWYD?

[Flairhead]

As the title indicates, I've just been on Tinder and spotted the husband of someone I know on there.

They've been married for about 12 years and have two little girls, the elder one just started school this year.

If the woman was a close friend, I'd probably have no hesitation in telling her. I know her through work, we used to be in the same team but after she finished maternity leave her hours changed so I don't really see her any more, though we do have each other on Facebook, so I know what her husband looks like and what he does (which he wrote on his bio, quite niche and no mention of the kids).

I wondered if maybe they'd split and that's why he's on there, but I've checked both their Facebook pages and there's nothing to indicate that, though it's possible they wouldn't put anything on there about it.

I've taken a screenshot, but I'm not sure what to do with this knowledge. I'm inclined just to leave well alone, but also tempted to try swiping right and see if we match, then if we do get chatting maybe mention to him I know his wife? Probably a bad idea though. What do others think?

I wouldn't get involved tbh. It's none of your business. She may know hes on tgere abd nit esnt people pointing it out. They msy hsve an agreemcnt.
You're not close to them So don't jump to conclusions and get involved.

Don't swipe right!! You could message her the screenshots but be prepared to have some fallout directed your way (unfairly of course but people often shoot the messenger!)

I'm not sure if I'd tell the wife or not, messengers do get shot don't forget. Could you do it anonymously? Not sure there's any way to let her know that was 100% guaranteed not to backfire on you.
I'm actually in a similar position but I actively despise the wife and she knows it so I know I'll just be accused of lying 🤷🏼‍♀️

I would leave well alone, I'm afraid. It's likely that it's exactly what it looks like, but you can't be sure. He's a plain idiot - Tinder for fuck's sake! and it seems very unlikely that he won't be caught out, possibly he even wants to be. I would not get into the middle of that hot mess.

Print screenshot and post it to her by mail. Don't swipe right.

I would tell her. put yourself in her shoes.

I would want to know

I would want to know. Message her. Tell her you feel bad but felt she deserved to know.

I'd want to know too.
Message her. Say "I'm not sure of your circumstances so forgive me if none of this is my business, but I think you deserve to know."

I agree with @MyGoodTimes

How would you fancy being the 'wife who was the last to know'?

It's a seriously shitty thing to do to someone. I still wonder how many people really knew, and thought so little of me that they did not tell. I am still weirdly grateful to the person who told me. The messenger does not inevitably get shot.

I'm in two minds about this. Me and my husband have split and he's on Tinder which he has been open with me about. You wouldn't necessarily know from social media that we've split and it's not been long enough for the information that we've separated to filter down to everyone we know yet. I've been worried about this exact scenario happening but it's something that might happen. On one hand at least if someone told me then I can explain that we're split up, but on the other I kind of feel like it's not anyone else's business and would rather they stayed out of it.

Definitely don't swipe right though! I don't think you should do that at all with the partner or ex of someone you know, even if done just to tell him you know his wife.

Someone could create a fake profile easily with others photos and details, screenshot it and send it to the wife.

Even if you got chatting your only evidence is texts or calls from his actual phone.
Someone could take your photo and pretend its you to maliciously fuck up your life.

You dont know what their situation is like id ignore it. Its weird you want to see if you match up with him. Do you fancy him?

I would tell her. I would want to know.

Mind your own business and leave it alone.

Unless he’s a complete tool (but you said he has a job etc) it’s likely they have split for him to be on there.

I had a similar situation recently, I was on both Bumble and Tinder and saw a friends boyfriend on there. They'd not met via the apps so his presence on them was independent of her.

I took screenshots but haven't done anything with it yet. They seem to spend all their time together, so I don't think he's actively dating, and they have a shared interest in BDSM so I wasn't sure if that could be related (I know very little about it).

I also know if I was to send them to her she would go apocalyptic at me and I'd be the bad guy for ruining her happiness if he was doing it behind her back. We're not super close so whilst I still have the SS I don't think I'll do anything - they're not married with kids etc.

Print it and post it to her.

I would leave well alone Im afraid ! Chances are she probably has a sneaking suspicion anyway ,and the person who brings it to light is not going to be very popular ! Many women would want to know but by showing her ,it means she is confronted by something and has to act upon it .rather than coming to terms with it in her own time .

I'm in the tell her camp just because if it was me I would want to know.
Simply send her a message with the screen shot and explain that you came across it and if the shoe was on the other foot you would want to know.
Dont swipe yes and engage that is a bad idea which could hugely backfire.

Definitely tell her. I would want to know.

I would assume they have split as Tinder is a very public way to be unfaithful if they haven’t.

My friend's husband was on tinder and a mutual friend spotted his profile. She approached me and asked if my friend would want to know.

I suggest you approach a good friend of hers if you don't feel able to tell her directly.

i would approach her and go along the lines of - you think a con artist is using her husband picture and cat fishing people. Just so they know, play innocent and then she can see for herself