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Original poster

Her husband is on Tinder, WWYD?

144 replies

Flairhead · 04/11/2019 00:40

As the title indicates, I've just been on Tinder and spotted the husband of someone I know on there.

They've been married for about 12 years and have two little girls, the elder one just started school this year.

If the woman was a close friend, I'd probably have no hesitation in telling her. I know her through work, we used to be in the same team but after she finished maternity leave her hours changed so I don't really see her any more, though we do have each other on Facebook, so I know what her husband looks like and what he does (which he wrote on his bio, quite niche and no mention of the kids).

I wondered if maybe they'd split and that's why he's on there, but I've checked both their Facebook pages and there's nothing to indicate that, though it's possible they wouldn't put anything on there about it.

I've taken a screenshot, but I'm not sure what to do with this knowledge. I'm inclined just to leave well alone, but also tempted to try swiping right and see if we match, then if we do get chatting maybe mention to him I know his wife? Probably a bad idea though. What do others think?

OP posts:
PurrBox · 04/11/2019 08:55

dottie It is not always true that women whose husbands are having affairs always know, even if they haven't admitted it to themselves, or come to terms with it. I really wish someone had told me what was going on in my life. It came as a complete shock to me.

Wherearemymarbles · 04/11/2019 08:57

Do you know here email address?

Create a 1 off account and email her or as others suggest post the screen hot

Original poster
Flairhead · 04/11/2019 08:59

I've just scrolled a little bit further back on her Facebook and saw a memory she'd put up, a photo of her husband and one of their daughters captioned "the loves of my life". The post is dated 24th October. Looking more and more likely he's up to no good.

To answer a PP's question, no I don't fancy the guy, I've never even met him, but I've seen pictures before and know from her Facebook posts what field he works in, so recognised him as soon as his pic came up.

I think she deserves to know too, but I think I'd have to print it and send it to her, I can get her address easily enough. I'm not close enough to any of her close friends to speak to them either.

OP posts:
Babdoc · 04/11/2019 09:06

She needs to know, so she can get an STI check. He is putting her health at risk. Send it anonymously in the post, if you fear becoming a shot messenger!

xoxoluna · 04/11/2019 09:07

Agree with PPs about sending screenshot to her anonymously. I would want to know.

Chocolate123 · 04/11/2019 09:30

I'd want to know too. I think as you don't know her that well sending it anonymously is the best route to go

Cosmos45 · 04/11/2019 09:45

I think she deserves to know, I know I would in that position, especially with children involved. However, be very careful about getting involved. As someone posted upthread and shooting the messenger.. A friend's BF once came on to me and suggested an affair, I told her and she then turned on me.. refused to believe me and I lost a lot of friends etc as a result and she went on to marry him. They did get divorced a few years later and she did get back in touch and apologised for not believing me but it was shit at the time and in hindsight I sometimes wish I had never told her and let her find out for herself.

minipie · 04/11/2019 09:59

I agree with print and post, anonymously if you prefer. Do you have her postal address?

HarmlessChap · 04/11/2019 12:38

When I was on OLD I spotted several women I already knew, if he's not separated or in an open relationship then he's really really thick.

zafferana · 04/11/2019 12:42

I agree, print it off and post it to her. That way you've done your duty, without getting involved.

Original poster
Flairhead · 04/11/2019 13:11

I agree, I think the best way is to post it to her. I don't think she knows my writing so I doubt she'll realise it's from me, though I'll try and disguise it just in case. I'll try and get my printer working tonight.

I don't want her getting upset in front of her kids as they're only little, what I might do is put the picture in a separate envelope inside and type up a note asking her to make sure she's alone when she opens it. I really hope that it's just him looking for some kind of ego boost and that he'd never have actually gone through with anything but you never know. Checked again today and he's still on there.

OP posts:
Newbie1981 · 04/11/2019 13:13

Swipe right

rebecca102 · 04/11/2019 13:16

Omg tell her!!! I'd want to know, how embarrassing

KylieKoKo · 04/11/2019 13:56

Do you still work for the same company? Does this have the potential to affect you professionally? If so I would think a bit more carefully about telling her.

Original poster
Flairhead · 04/11/2019 14:07

We do still work for the same company but on completely different hours. I don't see how it could affect me professionally, especially if I keep it anonymous, but happy to have ways this could backfire pointed out in case I haven't thought of them.

OP posts:
amillionwishes · 04/11/2019 14:16

From my and my stbxh Facebook pages you wouldn't necessarily notice we'd split up either. He's on tinder, I was but met someone. He had a message from a girl we know telling him she'd seen him on there in case someone was using his pics(?) she didn't message me to tell me so I assume most people leave well alone.

squeaver · 04/11/2019 14:21

God, people are so fucking stupid aren't they? Imagine being so desperate for an extra-marital shag that you don't think something like this could happen (or don't care...)

HereIGoAgainAndAgainAndAgain · 04/11/2019 15:22

If you are FB friends, could you message her and commiserate about her and her husband splitting. If she doesn't know what you are talking about, send her the screenshot and apologise if it isn't him but...

GinZinger · 04/11/2019 15:26

Here, that's so manipulative and I'm pretty sure it'd be crystal clear what your game was and I'd think you were a nasty bitch.

Thismummyruns · 04/11/2019 15:34

Speaking personally I would want to know as devastating as it is.

I do wonder if sending it to the home address is the best way even if you say to open it on her own.
If you work for the same organisation do you have a postroom/ post pigeon holes? I know there isn't a best way but maybe that could be another angle to come from if you do decide to tell her.

VanyaHargreeves · 04/11/2019 15:38

Another one saying Print and Post

With a note saying

I'm so sorry, I felt like if it were me I'd want to know

A well wisher

Sweetpeach3 · 04/11/2019 15:39

Maybe do you know her email? Maybe create a different email and send it from that Or make a fake account on Facebook and send it via that. Just state you think she has the right to know as you'd like to know if you was in her shoes. You don't want to cause any hurt or gain a backlash that's why you've done it this way xx

Hanab · 04/11/2019 15:44

Anonymous post in the mail .. if it was me i’d rather know from a friend, foe or acquaintance ..

Original poster
Flairhead · 04/11/2019 16:06

No internal post system or pigeonholes so that's not an option. Think it'll have to be good old Royal Mail. And honestly **HereIGo, I think that's a terrible idea.

OP posts:
Fluffypudcats · 04/11/2019 17:58

Posting a screenshot anonymously is cruel IMO. I'd be panicking about who had sent it, why, who knows, is everybody laughing etc. I would start doubting everyone

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