NEW FAB AND GLAM

[Dior]

Message withdrawn

Thanks cc

I know it is the old H that I love. I just sometimes wonder if he will become that person again, learn from his mistakes and grow up... and I feel sick and empty at the thought that another woman may get the 'grown up' H. Because the old H was an amazing man. And without the selfish immature side, well he would be a catch!! Does that sound completely messed up!
Tell me that selfish immature people never grow up!!

NM is so different but also so different in a good way. Much more 'grown up', knows what he wants, appreciates everything so much more than H ever did. Wants all the same things as me, lovely home, lots of children, family holidays, lots of laughter all the time. All the things that I wanted H to want. But all he wanted was to be one of the lads and never grow up.
NM's not concerned about appearances or what other's think. Just about me and ds being happy. I love that about him. It's a breath of fresh air

PMSL at ne trying not to break too many hearts along the way!!

New job is going really well thanks. Feel really happy and settled and it was such a good move. Best thing I've done in a long time!

Ah told you it would be a good move Time is too precious to spend it in a car waiting to get to work and petrol keeps going up - DH is always telling me global armageddon is looming because of lack of oil ...la la la...fingers in my ears "cant do anything about it...dont want to know"

Like you said you just need to take each day at a time...may be NM is the right man for you, may be he is the wrong man who wants the right things - you are still young enough to be able to take your time, so just enjoy it.

I try not to come on here much now, just came to check on you guys (of course got involved elsewhere too, like you do)

well it's nice to see you on here

and thanks again I totally agree xx

Excuse me for butting in ladies but just wanted to say to Baffy, if you do ever get back together with dh and he did happen to have returned to the wonderful man you once knew, you have 'grown' so much in these past months that you may find that the love you once had is not enough for you any more. (does that make sense? am very tired today so might be a bit garbled)

What i think i am trying to say is, don't cling on to the past and what you once knew. Don't hanker after it. If you and dh do ever rekindle your realtionship you will both be changed people.

You just enjoy your time with new man and stop thinking too much! I'm sure he will be more than happy having 90% of you, it's more than dh has got

thank you tfm!

hi you lot. My 1st day as a single mum!!!

I'm very tired, my usual pg symptom, couple with horrible 5 hour drive back from Milan. I am truly exhausted. Yes, This time we will find out sex of lo and tell everybody, so as to get all the stupid comments out of the way and not have the actual birth spoilt. It was bad anough last time, having our 3rd boy. This time it will be unbearable. When I was in UK I dared hold my 3 month old neice once and I was inundated with comments like 'ooh, I bet you wish you had a girl'/is that making myou clucky for a girl, blah blah bbloody blah.

If I have a 4th son I will get so many comments about being disappointed, or Q's like will I try again for a girl, as if having a girl must be the ultimate goal for all mothers . And if I actually do have a girl, everyone will be so bloody pleased oh how wonderful, you finally got your girl, as if my sons aren't good enough .

I can feel my blood pressure rising at the thought of it. Honestly, the amount of crap comments I got with ds3. Poor little sod. Aren't you disappointed, oh well, never mind dear, will yout ry for another, you know, to get your girl etc etc etc. It's not like you get a choice is it? I assume I will have a 4th son, as I feel the same this time. And I think having 4 sons would be great. . But you get what you're given, as my grandma always said so all the gender comments only serve to send me demented. aaaarrrrrggggghhhhhhhhh

I told dh I would be prepared to move again, but by the time ds1 starts secondary school I want to be settled permanently. He's 8. I have to accept that my future isn't here . Dh reckons the 3 big european centres where he'd have decent job prospects (he couldn't find anything after a year of looking here) are Milan, Munich or London. So I guess we're potentially moving back to UK in 2 or 3 years

But for the short term, I am just trying like you said Baffy, to take each day as it comes.

I think it's good you going at least for legal separation. Try not to compare nm to h. I know he's not him and will never have that special connection. Hopefully he'll never treat you like h did either! In my experience, no, selfish and immature people rarely grow up, they just change their circumstances (and partner) constantly to ensure they can stick to their bad old ways. As soon as the going gets tough they find someone else who will let them get away with it, until they get fed up, and then they move on again. sadly. My cousin is very much like this. And he seems to have no difficulty in finding women ready to mother him and let him get away with it

Hallo fellow-brews, sorry I've been quiet - I've been in Germany since last week. Had a wonderful time with dp, very tired though - tramped the streets of Regensburg, Nuremberg & Munich - WHAT a lot of churches we saw. And were very romantic together . Coming home was horrendous - Easyject left late, flew in too fast & had to abort landing and retry, missed optimum Stansted Xpress, all the tubes were shut, got stranded in King's X station with only station staff on the platform but they were very kind, carried my bags up the closed escalators, gave me a bottle of water and directed me to the night bus home. Who said there are no gentlemen left!

Finally got home at 3am and had to have half a bottle of wine before I could settle down to bed! The cats were happy to see me though it was a struggle getting to work today.

Must go help the team now, will catch up with you all later.

Just thought I'd share with you that this is a bit of a weird anniversary for me - it's 5 years since my exh left - so also 5 years since dp and I officially got together. I always feel very mixed about it - both that it marks the failure of my marriage, my ultimate betrayal of exh, but also the fulfilment of my dream of being loved by dp, after years of having loved him.

So - feel a bit odd...

Great news about Dior though, eh?

Message withdrawn

thanks. sorry for the rant. the comments really spoilt ds3's arrival, and the anticipation of them already tressing me out
how are you today?

Understand how you feel Ernest - I am only on no2 which I know is another girl..and have already had all the comments "oh another girl", "never mind 2 girls are ok", "did you want a girl do you mind!!"
WTF like I would care or be disappointed just hopre this baby is as happy and healthyas my lovely DD1...how can you be disappointed in your child before it has ever been born...just ignore them and enjoy your new baby ..be it another gorgeous DD4 or a precious DD1..

oh bugger trust me girsl on teh brain clearly - obviosuly a gorgeous DS4!!!

Message withdrawn

ernest I can totally understand the frustration and how horrible it must have been feeling ds3's arrival was spoilt with all of the ignorant comments.

totally agree that you should find out the sex, that's exactly what I'd do.

(although if I were you I'd be tempted not to tell anyone you know and wind them all up! )

sometimes I find it's easier to actually be harsh with people in these circumstances. to just turn round and say very straight - do you know how hurtful your comments are and how utterly insensitive it is to say things like that?! nature has chosen the sex of our baby, it's out of our hands, and it will be loved and cherished in exactly the same way as the other 3.

getting angry for you now!!

will stop ranting, 9.30 is too early for a full blown rant!

Oh I have been shamed!
I am one of those people - but it is never meant to hurt in anyway.

I am a sonographer and part of the 'friendly banter' is to discuss the sex of the baby and what the other children ect are. I will confess that i have said - will you be tring again then? - i hope i have not offended too many people. it is just that it is sometimes so hard to know what to say for the best. So dont take it too personally ernest i am sure they are just wishing you well.

I will also confess that i would love you to have a girl - i am so lucky to have 2 of each and so know the benifits (and downfalls!!) of both. But i equally know that i too would have loved them whatever, and as we all know there is nothing we can do to change it now.

Did you find out with any of the others?

Anyway best of luck

hi all how is everyone?

Baffy glad the talk went okish? Divorce is a big step and 1 you dont have to take till your absolutely ready. Glad too that your having some fun!!

Ernest for you with dh being away. Im sure you will find a happy solution for you all as a family. As for comments about possibly ds4 i have had every comment known. When im out with boys had " bet you would of like a girl?" Me : i have 3 of them thanks! Same as with my 2 boys and my youngest dd arent you lucky you got your girl in the end!! What got to me most was the " your 6th child? dont you have a tv?? WTF My responces were not always polite No matter how many kids you have whethere they are dds or dss they are all precious. Some people are just plain spiteful but on th ewhole i think most just dont realise what they are saying or how it can cut.

Dior will try and find your thread

Pc how are you ?

lily/ mac d how are you guys feeling? Having had 9 pregnancies i always found the last few weeks (when i actually managed to reach end. Mine ahve as much patience as me and just wanted out quick!) the toughest gor me just to extremme excitement at seeing my new baby and my feet again! Hope you are both well x

Only got a few minutes spare so hope everyone else ok?

Hi all,

I haven't posted on this thread for alittle while now as I've haven't been feeling anywhere near fab & glam but am starting to feel a little better

mcd don't worrs, I didn't even notice your slip, but it did make me when you pointed it out.

sp, maybe you can give me a few ideas for retorts. I usually just get pissed off but say nothing. I'd love to have a few smart disguised answers ready.

moh glad you're starting to feel betterxx

Sugar - the way I always find threads in relationships is just at the top of this thread - where it says:

" Mumsnet Discussions: Relationships : NEW FAB AND GLAM (843 messages) "

the 'relationships' bit is a link to all the discussions in that topic so I just have a look through there and find Dior's thread that way...

sorry if that's me being stupid and stating the obvious! I just know I used to search just by 'active conversations' and by 'threads I'm on' - and I used to miss all the good stuff in the relationships threads!! Hope that helps!

ernest the teabags now have a mission to think of some clever/witty/smart retorts for you for when people start with the inevitable comments...

I would tend to favour the 'get lost you stupid muppet and go and annoy someone else with your comments' approach...

But I'll try and find my clever/witty head and get back to you...

(And just remember, like HW said a lot of people do mean well and just want to say something and acknowledge the new lo... so if all else fails you could just pity them for their lack of things to say )

No offence meant to anyone there btw!

Hello everyone.
Well done Dior - Great news.
Ernest - people are so insensitive sometimes. I was constantly amazed at the number of people who asked me if both my boys had the same father when I was single . I used to say "No he's the milkman's and he's the dustman's, next one will be the postman's"
Baffy - I think you are ready to move on and go for a legal separation. This will show H that you aren't going to be there on the back burner for when he's tired of the single life. Don't worry about NM - he's aware of the situation and you have been honest with him, you just enjoy this great new life you have, you deserve it.
As for me, dp is on it again. He's not really living here properly although he has stayed over a bit lately. Door will be locked tonight though. I'm at a bit of a loss about it all now, and I think I have actually stopped caring what he does anymore which is worrying.
Never mind!

ginnedup sorry to hear he's back on it again
so no luck with the doctor or counselling?

Counselling was good at the time, but he seems to have conveniently forgotten most of what was said now.
He is keeping a diary to take to the doctors next week, then the doc will take it from there.
I think its too late for all that now though. I don't know how I feel about him anymore. Some days I love him some days I hate him and days like today I absolutely couldn't care less about him.

I can relate to all of that. We used to make excellent progress in the counselling sessions and then we'd walk out, every word would be forgotten and he'd be back round at her house within hours and everything we said would be a distant memory.

Some people have an amazing capacity to block out the difficult bits and the things they don't want to think about, when it's convenient!

Perhaps you feeling like you couldn't care less is a great sign. Keep the door locked and just leave him to it. At least you're not wasting energy on loving or hating him while you're feeling this way. If that makes sense. More time to focus on what matters - you xx

evening all just popping in to say hi, all is well here thanks but think i heading for the stage where it's starting to get a bit heavy and boredom setting in, however am not really ready for the sleepless nights yet
Mcd how are you keeping ?
Ernest hope you managing ok, i know what you mean r/e the boy thing. My friens pg with no 5 and she has 4 boys and would be happy to have another and makes a point of telling everyone that.
Ginned up sorry to hear about dp
Baffy seems like your head knows the right thing to do it's just a case of getting your heart to follow.
Dior glad to see you have some news !Hope everyone else keeping well, has PC been around just wondered how she getting on r/e the house move ?
Take care for now LL X

Thanks Baffy - I feel like I've been banging my head against the wall for so long. I've run out of energy. I'm focussing on my lovely little boys and not wasting any more energy on him.
I need a clean break. Found a house swap on the other side of town on the internet today. I think I might go and have a look at it and get us away from here (without telling him). He's too close where we are now.