NEW FAB AND GLAM

[Dior]

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want2 - welcome TFM is great with the advice and totally agree with her posts so haven't got much more to add just yet - but keep posting. things will get better.

ginnedup - good luck for tonight with the counselling. great that you got an appointment so quickly.
I'm so pleased to hear he is making all of that effort too - I know you've seen it all before - but if he keeps it up and combines it with getting help, seeing the GP, and the counselling too... then you really could be on the right road to sorting this out

MoH glad you had good time with the bloke on Saturday... (you can think of a new name, NM, bf etc once he proves himself to be worthy of it )
Sounds like he is making the effort though. All good!

Dior - he really does bury his head in the sand doesn't he. Ignores obvious comments from you and avoids being alone with you when ds is out - he knows it's over now, he must do, so it's up to you now when you feel strong enough to finally take that last step. you're doing amazingly well. I couldn't put up with the things he says without exploding! I think your strength is fantastic.

macd - I love your thoughts on death and the creation of new life. Totally agree.

As for my weekend....

NM is amazing!!!!

Went to a wedding with him on Saturday night and met all of his friends. Had an absolutely brilliant time. He is such a gentleman. He's just so considerate and so lovely. WE had a really good night.

I stayed at his and when we woke up on Sunday morning he said do you want to get up and ready so we can go and pick ds up and go to the park and feed the ducks or something... So thoughtful!
Ds was at his dads and I had a bit of visiting to do as my nan isn't well, so we didn't end up going to the park. But as I was leaving he said well can I see you tonight then?!!
So I met him for dinner once ds was asleep last night!

I get butterflies when I even just think about him at the moment! He's so different to anyone I've ever met, and I probably wouldn't have initially been attracted to him, but getting to know his personality and the way he treats me and thinks about ds too - it's wonderful!

Have to say though that I have been very... ahem... shy... if that's the way to put it!!
I just don't want to rush into things and I need to let it all sink in and take things slowly. And he's been fantastic about that too!
Can't stop smiling today!!

WONDERFUL!!!!

I am so pleased for you, so happy for you.

Don't worry about being 'shy' why it comes to 'airing your bits', you don't want to be rushing into all that malarky anyway You will know when the time is right and it won't be an issue for you when it is, it will just happen and, it will be just perfect!!

that should read 'shy when it..'

sorry your nan's not well but fantastic that nm is going so well. You have an amazing social life!

Mcd, I know what you mean; I found out I was pg with ds1 in the same week that my grandad died as well.

Hope this is good week for everyone. I'm a bit chaotic trying to remember when I've got to send my boys to school etc after them having 3 weeks off, and completely exhausted and trying to unpack from UK, and pack for Milan, so might not be around much for a weeks or so, so best wishes everyone and again thanks a milion for all your support re mil

Thanks guys

I do make the most of living at my mum's don't I! I don't know what I'll do when I get my own house and don't have on-site babysitters every evening... hopefully I'll be all settled by then and it won't matter!

Am so lucky though as ds is the first grandchild, so he not only has H's house to stay at, but also all his grandparents ask if he can stay over with them whenever he can. And I don't like to say no!

Baffy

You sound like a different woman now. It sounds like you had a fantastic weekend and you really deserve it too. I am so pleased for you and a little bit jealous too. H has taken today off work as he is not very well, he has a bad cold but is not used to being ill and so is wallowing in bed with it. It is for the best though as he will hopefully get over it quickly.

Hope everyone has a good week and the sun keeps shining as it is here at the moment.

baffy, so pleased for you! Hope it continues to go well. Have you told H? XP knows I am not seeing anyone, but is making very sure that I will never meet anyone who isnt either on the PTA or playgroup comittee. So unless I become a cheating lesbian, not much hope there!

Welcome Want2feelbetter, hope you get some helpful support here.

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Sounds fantastic Baffy. You should definitly be making the most of your mum lol... oh the social life I'd have if I could move back in with my folks for a while!

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Dior, Can you make time? maybe arrange for ds to be somewhere else.. or both of you go out for something to eat and discuss it then - would it be too emotional to do somewhere public?

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Dior - yes he is, just a bit! has conveniently forgotten what we agreed before he left. I might just conveniently forget that he hasnt placed his charge on the house. The only way to hurt him is in his wallet I think.

You sound like everything is really coming to a head. Maybe it needs to be got out of the way now - the tension must be awful!

do you need his money? (if he did)

Dior

Before you do speak to him and actually go through with it, have you thought through yourself how it will all work.

(Sorry if this has all been said before on your thread or something).

But where will you live, will you and ds move out or will you want him to move out, do you know what benefits you are entitled to, do you know how much maintenance you would expect from him?

Just thinking that if he does clam up emotionally and just try to threaten you - then if you know your rights, know how much you're entitled to and what you need from him - you can just say straight back that you know your rights, and unless he faces up to this and talks it all through like civilised adults, he will be hearing from your solicitor and the CSA. As hard as that will be, it could be the only way.

You know him best. So make sure you have a come back for everything you know he's going to throw at you.

If you don't have a plan and have all of this straight in your own mind, he will have a far easier time of manipulating/controlling you and making you doubt yourself.

Does that all make sense? I just don't want you to put yourself in a vulnerable position when you do finally take that step. Once you take it you never want to go back!

He must know he cant "cut the money off" - you have the solicitor already, he has to provide maintenance for DS, and dont you get something if youre married?

X Post - very sensible advice Baffy. I dont think I did enough planning, and Im in a bit of a mess now financially.

Baffy - your man sounds lovely.

Dior - Is there any way you can put a bit of money to one side in a little account of your own in case he 'cuts you off'? Agree that you should find out exactly what you're entitled to.

Dior, he can threaten, but he'd have to pay maintenance for ds, even though you're working. Your solicitor would confirm that. AND he couldn't make you leave, as you have to have a home for ds. But I'm not saying it won't be a horrible evening, having it all out in the open. It will feel like the worst time of your life - and it may drag on for days - BUT it will lead on to the best YEARS of your life.

I was listening to a bit of Women's Hour this morning, on women who divorced in their 60s. Most of them were thriving and having the time of their life. Just think, you'll be thriving AND you'll have 20+ extra years to thrive in

Baffy, what a gem of a man - is he for real ? Quite right not to rush 'things' - just go with your gut reaction and he sounds genuine if he's not pressuring you. Oh, so happy for you!

Yes, hope we all have a good week. I'm getting all tremulous about going to Germany - my german is very rusty as I only studied it in school 30+ years ago - but determined not to give in and get them to speak english - it'll be quite a marathon getting to Regensberg but it'll be worth it & I'm practising my ticket buying phrases...

Ernest, hope all continues well with your pregnancy.

thanks want2. how are you doing?

thanks tanee too - not sure myself if he's for real or it's just one big dream... he has just texted me to see if he can call in and see me when he finishes work tonight - so glad that he seems to be thinking about me too! trying not to get too carried away with it all (hence taking things slowly), but also can't help feeling so all the time!

fubsy sorry to hear that any way you can revisit it all and get more money? there's a web site too isn't there which tells you everything you're entitled to. I'm rubbish with financial stuff like this though - honestly I am the worst accountant in the world! Just hope my boss doesn't figure that one out!!

i'm not having a good day . I've got an appointment to ask for ADs on Weds.

have you been on AD's before? if nothing else they should at least help to level your emotions a bit which may help you to start taking some steps forward - anything in particular getting you down today?

I've had them before but not for long (a few years ago) and they made no difference to me.

You're all going to hate me when I tell you this. On Friday the guy I'd been having a "thing" with told me he couldn't have any contact because his dw had found an email he sent me a while ago. I know I shouldn't have got involved with a married guy. I don't know how to get over him. I know I need to cos I know all too well that he couldn't care less about me.

Since he stopped contact all my anxiety is back. I keep crying because I now have no-one to talk to during the day. I can't even post on here under my normal name for loads of reasons, so my main support has pretty much disappeared. This is the only thread I'm posting on at the moment because I don't want anyone to recognise me.

Keep posting on here, Want2. I post under a variety of names as XP knows one of them. I havent got internet access art home and its driving me mad, as sometimes I just want to have a good maon. Or alternativey a laugh!

I could have done with MN yesterday when I spent 45 minutes being told be someone in an Indian call centre that I couldnt have a tiscali account because I already had one, then being told by someone else that i dont have one (XP took it with him when he left as the account was in his name) but i cant have one yey because I have only just got an account with BT.

In fact I had the account transferred to my name a month and a half ago, but the darlings changed my phone number and it has taken this long to get it back.

So I am doing very little work at the moment as this is the only time I can go online!

Baffy, Im getting everything Im entitled too, sadly we are both crap with money, and I am suffering from an old overdraft. XP is fine, because I remortaged to partially buy him out, so if he wants to tighten his belt, he just has a slightly less jazzy new kitchen, or taps someone else for a drink at the pub.