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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

NEW FAB AND GLAM

952 replies

Dior · 17/08/2007 13:32

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Dior · 21/10/2007 20:06

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sugar34plum · 21/10/2007 20:15

baffy- glad date went well. @ h but only a little and probably gave him the most but maybe a good thing too?

gup dont know full story but hope your ok?

Tanee58 · 21/10/2007 20:40

Evening fellow Teabags.

Sorry haven't been on for days - I had a bit of a relapse - wonder if I had mild 'flu - and had to take a couple of days off work and just laze around. Today was the first I felt active enough to get into the garden and fill five bags with dead vegetation. Planted lots of daffs - should please dp - up the Welshies!

Thanks so much to all of you for your kind words when I was feeling so down on Monday. I went home and let him come to me, which he did - creeping into the kitchen whilst I made a cup of tea and put his arms round me and apologised. 'You hurt me', I said - so we made up. He's in Germany now and said that he's been thinking a lot about why he was so horrible. Most of it came from fatigue and anxiety, and I suppose lucky me bore the brunt, being the person closest to him. So I did got to the rehearsal - he plays a total pig of a husband in an Ayckbourn comedy and gets virtually strangled at the end - which afforded me some satisfaction ! And I will go to see him at the end of the month. We decided it's too long apart otherwise. You're all right, he does love me, but he's such a silly sod sometimes. I do have to admit to having had quite a nice man-free weekend and it's nice to have the cats in sleeping with me again (the girl cat is my shadow and HATES being shut out of the bedroom).

Dior, HAPPY BIRTHDAY for yesterday ! Hope you had a good one.

Baffy, good on you with your date. When are you seeing him again?

Ernest, really sorry about your MIL - she sounds a lovely lady & you're right to take your sons to the funeral. Children are too often shut off from these things in British culture and I think they deal with them far better if they're involved. AND HUGE Congrats on your news! That's brilliant! I could almost feel broody except my body's called last orders, so no more babies for me!

McD - feeling very and for you. Hope you can concentrate on the baby and not worry about h too much - you really don't need this at the moment.

Tanee58 · 21/10/2007 20:44

GinnedUp - oh, so sorry. What's happened?

Damn, must try to get to grips with my FB and track you all down.

ginnedupumpkin · 21/10/2007 20:50

Hi everyone.

Tannee - I'm so glad you made up before he went away. Its true, you always hurt the ones closest to you, not that that makes it right, but at least he made the first move and it all came good in the end.

I'm so glad today is nearly over. Its been hell. I've kept cheery for the dc today but all I wanted to do was either a) cry my eyes out or b) just phone him and tell him to come home - neither of which I did which is good I suppose.

Its taken a while but I've got to face facts now - he's an alcoholic and I can't help him. It doesn't stop me loving him, and wanting to know he's ok though .

Anyway tomorrows another day and I'm working in the morning and taking the dc to see their grandad (ex's dad) I love him to bits, he's like the dad I wish I'd had so hopefully I'll be too busy to think!!

ginnedupumpkin · 21/10/2007 20:59

Tanee - I've CAT'ed you with my name so you can find us on Facebook.

Baffy · 22/10/2007 09:44

tanee I'm so glad you managed to sort things out before he went, I was thinking about you and wondering how it went xx

ginnedup I'm so sorry to hear that I will get onto facebook shortly and reply to you. stay strong - we are always here to help anytime xx

dior - did you have a good birthday?

I think I'll put the update of what happened on FB rather than here as some of the details are really obvious - will get onto it as soon as I can!

Dior · 22/10/2007 12:25

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Baffy · 22/10/2007 12:37

I always go to 'my groups' on the left hand side of my profile page. Then click 'see all'. Then fab&glam is usually the top group

Let me know if that doesn't work...

Dior · 22/10/2007 12:38

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Dior · 22/10/2007 12:46

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sallyfubsylittlebat · 22/10/2007 14:52

Just trying to catch up, got a few minutes on work computer. Still not online at home, and wont be until BT get their fingers out of their arses!

Anyway, wanted to say hi to everyone, and especially CONGRATULATIONS to ernest (also sorry about your MIL)- great news!

I cant use FB at work, but will try and get on at some point if I can blag some time on someone elses computer.

x

Paddlechick666 · 23/10/2007 09:45

congratulations ernest. very very happy for you.

am getting a few twinges of broodiness myself not that there's ever going to be any chance of a 2nd for me.

first text today from H, asking if I am still at this address so he can send dd's birthday card and present.

also had a text from SIL on sunday asking for address.

i feel a pathalogical need not to reply to each. but if i don't then i will denying dd gifts.

TimeForMe · 23/10/2007 10:09

Gifts are just material things. Don't worry about gifts.

If you don't want to reply then don't! If DH wants to find out if you are still at the same address he can bloody well knock on the door and see if it's you who answers. Where there is a real will there is a way. If he really wants to, he will get the card etc to dd, regardless of whether or not you answer a text.

You are doing such a great job! I am so proud of you!!!

xx

Baffy · 23/10/2007 10:58

agree with TFM - definitely don't reply if you don't want to. If it were my child (or a member of my family for that matter) I would drive to the bloody house, knock on the door, and give the present in person!
If he can't do that, then do you really want it anyway...

(sorry am all wound up - on another thread I recalled how ds was when I took him to disney and got a really patronising response from someone saying ds must be 'super intelligent'... all I said was how much he loves disney and how 6 months later he still asks to go and still remembers certain things we did and saw... why are people so horrible on here sometimes )

TimeForMe · 23/10/2007 11:10

Because they are not Teabags

I feel so sorry for people like that, they miss out on so much!
Just smile and rise above it xx

sugar34plum · 23/10/2007 12:23

Big happy birthday to t xxxx

Presents cant replace love and kisses and cuggles ( ds2's word) and seeing the way you were with luke especially as he was being a git! There is no way dd is ever going to miss outon any when her mummy is around

Baffy- There are some old witches ignore they are not worth it. Take ds being super intelligent as a compliment!

ernest thinking of you hope all is going well? x

Paddlechick666 · 23/10/2007 13:44

thanks sugar, such a nice thing to say.

of course you're all right as ever. if he really wanted to make sure his daughter got her gifts then he'd have the balls to come to the door.

of course, this way he can indulge his victim fantasy and convince himself he tried.

Baffy · 23/10/2007 14:01

exactly! feeling sorry for himself again... poor man...

my H is really not happy with me - completely off hand, hates everyone, hates the world, questioning everything I do, feeling 'really low' etc etc... I wonder when is the right time to remind him that he was the one who didn't want me and he was the one who chose to leave...
I'll wait for the right moment hey

TimeForMe · 23/10/2007 14:05

Don't you just lurve it!!

Leave him to stew as long as possible Baffy. He is wanting you to pander to him, to ask him whats wrong, he is waiting for the 'is it me?' line. Don't rise to it. He will have to stop sulking sooner or later.

It is really hitting home for him now isn't it

Bet his waterfont view doesn't have quite the same appeal now

TimeForMe · 23/10/2007 14:07

And whatever happens, however ou feel, you MUST be all happy and smiling when ever you are around him. The salt really does have to be rubbed deep into the wounds!!

You have to be cruel to be kind

Baffy · 23/10/2007 14:13

Oh definitely TFM!!

But to be honest, I am feeling happy and smiley at the moment. I really do feel positive and relaxed. It's great not having to 'act' that way because I actually feel it.
And the more he gets stroppy... well... the more happy I feel! Because it's about time the tables turned.

I really don't have any time or energy for him at the moment, I am enjoying things in my 'new' life too much. Aside from the obvious (!), my new job is great, and I am also strating to have a little look for a house (maybe with a view to moving early in the new year). It's all good

He wanted me to go round to 'talk' last night... which I would have usually jumped at the chance to do. I didn't even want to go! I got ds asleep and watched Nigella in bed with a glass of wine!
Not because he has left me and I have nothing better to do... but because I wanted to, and I knew full well I could have gone out with someone if I wanted to

TimeForMe · 23/10/2007 14:23

Oh my gosh! i am sat here smiling away at your post! I am so proud of you!! You really have managed to do it!

So, he wanted 'the talk' did he? How predictable. There's nothing to talk about really is there, apart from him wanting to still live like a single man and have you waiting in the wings. I don't think sooooo!!

You go girl!

Paddlechick666 · 23/10/2007 14:25

phoenixbaffy! you're sooo rising from the ashes and i am so happy for you.

you don't even need to find a right time to tell H he's living with the repurcussions of his own actions, he can see it, feel it and taste it just by your behaviour towards him.

TFM, you should be very very proud of your own role in the re-incarnations that are gradually taking place!

TimeForMe · 23/10/2007 14:30

Thank you PC but I am too proud of 'my girls' to be proud of myself

You are doing so blooming well!!!

(You better get a move on PC! Baffys's bit's might be getting aired before yours )