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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

NEW FAB AND GLAM

952 replies

Dior · 17/08/2007 13:32

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Paddlechick666 · 03/10/2007 18:03

oh well, looks like i'll lose the flat. my buyer won't exchange till my tenents vacate and my vendor won't wait that long.

kinda see what you mean tfm but am resistant to change myself as i kinda see that as some sort of admission that i am in the wrong when i'm not!

Paddlechick666 · 03/10/2007 18:13

oh and now a text "understand you don't want to chat to me. but please give me some time scale to work to for moving in!"

jeezuz the cheeky feckin b*stard! he can ignore my texts when he is supposed to visit dd and go out of touch for weeks on end.

as soon as he wants something for himself he hectors me.

and he can't even begin to see the irony in that!

Baffy · 03/10/2007 19:59

pc he is a cheeky b*!

tfm is so right - he is nice because it eases his guilt. and when you respond it makes him feel better. but where is he when you need something? my H is exactly the same. and I have to keep reminding myself of that.

I don't think tfm means change who you are as a person, just change who you are when you're responding to him. i.e. don't let your guard down and don't show him that he's still 'got' you (if he has?) - make him believe he's lost you and he'll start to realise that 'honey' and 'xxx' aren't going to fix what he's done.
don't change you though - we all like you just as you are!

ginnedupmummy · 03/10/2007 20:41

Message withdrawn

Baffy · 03/10/2007 21:31

Hi

My last day in Manchester is tomorrow. I have 1 whole day off work on Friday... and start the job in Liverpool on Monday! Really looking forward to it now.

Things at home... well I won't go there or I'll be here all night!

ginnedupmummy · 03/10/2007 21:41

Message withdrawn

Baffy · 03/10/2007 22:14

Thanks

Just found out that one of my sisters is having a really bad time, and also, H has done something really stupid which has got the whole family kicking off... But I won't even bore you all with it because you'll think I'm making it up, it's just all so unbelievable!

I'm hoping that I'm getting all of my bad luck out of the way in one go... so when the good luck starts from next week everything will just keep getting better!

Must go to bed... don't want to be late on my last day do I... Or do I even care anymore?!

Paddlechick666 · 04/10/2007 08:29

hi baffy, have a great last day! hope they take you for a good lunch.

sorry to hear about sister having hard time and H's behaviour as well.

i another text last night which i have also ignored.

it's all self-serving, he just wants to move as he's now doing 4 hour round trip to work.

never mind i was doing 3 hour round trip whilst pg whilst he was off playing "golf" and then vanished!

Baffy · 04/10/2007 08:38

pc try and stick it out if you can and don't reply. It will give him the tiniest taste of what he's put you through and give him some idea of what it's like to really want/need the person you love to be there for you, and have them just not give a sh*t.

I just hope that you can start in some way to make him realise that you won't stick around forever and let him continue to treat you in this way. Be as distant as possible with him like tfm says. Just focus on yourself and dd. I really think it could be the way to go xx

Baffy · 04/10/2007 08:45

btw, I am doing this with H at the moment. And tbh it's killing me!

But having said that, those first few months when he left I would hear nothing from him day after day. Since I've withdrawn from him, I'm getting constant texts 'how are you and ds', 'hope you're ok', 'night you two'... even if we are just to have an amicable relationship and never get back together, I still believe H now has to work bloody hard to get that amicable relationship. I put the effort in for so many months with nothing in return.

And it does work. For example last night I asked could he drop ds back early for me because as soon as I was getting in from work I was going straight back out. He asked where to, and I just didn't respond. Got 2 messages through the evening 'hope you two are ok, have a nice evening etc...' then one at midnight, 'goodnight you two, love you both'. And, as I was already asleep and didn't respond... I got a message at 6am this morning asking if everything was ok, how was my evening, and how is the baby...

Honestly, a few months ago it would have been me texting him all night, constantly asking if he's ok, telling him what we were up to and how we miss him etc. And he didn't care! Now look how things are changing...

I'm going on now... just wanted to explain myself though

DastardlyDior · 04/10/2007 09:31

You two are doing so well . You have both come a long way and it shows in your postings.

I really hope we can do this meet-up some time.

Baffy · 04/10/2007 09:36

Me too Dior. I would love to meet you all so much.

If we don't manage it before, then once I get my new place you are all welcome to come up and stay with me! DC too!

Is anyone going to any of the MN Christmas meet-ups or nights out?

(Sorry to mention Christmas in October! )

Kewcumber · 04/10/2007 09:51

PC - when you finally crack and text him. Just say "too depressed and stressed to dela with you right now. I need to be left alone"

See how he likes it.

Baffy · 04/10/2007 09:59

good idea kew

(nice to see you btw)

TimeForMe · 04/10/2007 10:07

Hi Everyone!

Hi Baffy! And thank you for explaining what I meant to PC you got it spot on, change the way you react and respond not the person tht you are.

Have a lovely last day at work and an absolutley massive well done for sticking to your guns re dh! Absolutely fantastic! Go to the top of the class!

It gives the phrase 'withdrawl method' a whole new meaning doesnt it

I am so very proud of you!!!! xx

sugar34plum · 04/10/2007 10:41

Morning all

Pc your doing brilliantly ignoring texts.I wouldnt have it in me to ingnore im toooooo weak

Baffy sorry your still going through it. Enjoy your last day and look forward to a nice new change. As for h how predictable! But good for you too not answering his texts he has some serious work to do before he deserves anything from you.

When me and dh went through this and was apart 7 months. I did do all the texting anything just to text and sit and wait for a reply whilst he ignored me. After time i got on with my life and he started the texting....... and even the rough trot we have gone through of late was the same.

We have talked a lot and his admitted all the time i was texting him he knew he still had me. But when i backed off he got worried he was losing me. Which he was of course.

Tbh when we first got back after those months apart it was great between us but it went sour so many times because i was punishing him just didnt really realise how bad. I was so angry and i could nt get past his betrayel. But i have realised now by hurting him i was hurting all of us. And i have to say things are great now.

I still am a little wary but im dealing with it.

And we have definately all got to meet up have only met pc who is fab and will always be my hero for what she did for me and ds.

Paddlechick666 · 04/10/2007 10:57

well, haven't had anything from him today.

sugar, yeah i know what you mean about punishing as i think i was doing a great deal of that this time last year when h came back for 3 months.

not sure how things will go from here on in.

more importantly, friend also attending the black tie do thinks snazzy bra showing will be slutty.

arg! really want to wear the black dress but can't without a bra!

TimeForMe · 04/10/2007 11:08

Hi PC

Never mind the 'friend', do you think it will be slutty? Maybe she just doesn't want you to upstage her

I hope you manage to sort your house purchase problems out too. I was wondering if you could afford to 'pay off' the lodgers, get them out quicker?

Keep smiling!!

TimeForMe · 04/10/2007 11:09

What about a strappless bra?

Paddlechick666 · 04/10/2007 11:17

well, haven't had anything from him today.

sugar, yeah i know what you mean about punishing as i think i was doing a great deal of that this time last year when h came back for 3 months.

not sure how things will go from here on in.

more importantly, friend also attending the black tie do thinks snazzy bra showing will be slutty.

arg! really want to wear the black dress but can't without a bra!

Paddlechick666 · 04/10/2007 11:23

oops sorry! posted twice!

as the "bodice" is so cut away it's really scooped below the arms so even a strapless bra shows.

friend has re-canted a little but not sure i really have the confidence to pull it off.

will try to get to m&s later and buy a couple of bras and try them out at home.....

no spare cash at all to buy the tenants out i'm afraid.

sugar34plum · 04/10/2007 11:34

pc what about those stick on hold your boobs up thingys? used to sell them in blue water. will have a scan see if i can figure out what they are called not sure it will be under hold your boobs up thingys!

TimeForMe · 04/10/2007 11:34

Well would the purchaser agree to exchange with sitting tenants for a couple of months? Obviously they will get the rent too so that should be nice for them

YOu need one of those magic bra things that are backless and strapless and they just 'stick' onto your boobies. Either that or a flesh coloured bra with those see through (clear) straps. Good luck with it anyway

TimeForMe · 04/10/2007 11:35

Great minds eh Sugar!

sugar34plum · 04/10/2007 11:36

ha found them ( under stick on bra's)
www.figleaves.com/adhesivebra

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