hello
wow I missed lots last night... mahooosive post coming up....
pc did you text back? I hope not tbh - his double standards are astounding - and for as long as you can hold out, make him wait for a reply. In the scheme of things it doesn't even register compared to what you've been through.
And after everything you've done to sell and buy... now he's interested because it matters to him
TFM I have really missed your wise words. You have a knack of making me feel better instantly and always help me focus on what's important. You're right - I don't have to stop loving him. And don't worry, it would take a hell of a lot more than a few nice words to ever win me over! Thank you
lilybubble I really understand everything you're saying, we do seem to have gone through everything at the same time. I know what you mean about people saying 'you wouldn't go back would you...' - well actually no I probably wouldn't. But at the end of the day, I don't actually have that choice to make because he's the one calling the shots! (I feel like screaming do you know how that feels! How bloody insensitive to say 'you wouldn't go back would you'... he left me remember! It wasn't my decision in the first place!!) And if he did want me back, then perhaps for a minute or two I would contemplate it! But that's up to me!! And to be honest, knowing he wanted me back would probably give me the incentive to walk away. Happy that he's realised his mistakes. But while you're being rejected by the person you love most, it's natural instinct to want what you can't have - rejection hurts like nothing else
TFM is right that people just want you to move on so that they don't have to see you hurting anymore. They want you to be happy. But just because someone treats you badly, doesn't suddenly wipe out your love for them or the grief at the loss of your future...
I sometimes feel like people must look at us now and think what a sham our relationship was and people have actually said 'I wouldn't be surprised if he's done it before' blah blah. It makes me so angry. I'm sure nobody's relationship is perfect, but until the few months before his affair we really were so happy. I hate it that people now feel that they can judge and make assumptions about the whole 14 years we spent together. Because I know that neither of us ever cheated on each other. It's almost like it makes a mockery of your whole relationship and spoils all the memories - that's hard
flump I definitely do think it's possible to forgive and move on. I would have given it a good shot if I could have. I think even when someone hurts you so very badly, you have to realise that people are only human, and people make horrendous mistakes. It's what they do to put those things right that matters.
(Not that there is ever an excuse for hurting those you love or being utterly selfish when you have a partner and family to consider - but we don't live in a perfect fairytale world do we, real life isn't that black and white.)
I relate so much to a lot of the things you say. I know my family would never accept H if we were to get back together. And the strain of that is a daunting thought. Would being with a man who hurt me so badly, at the risk of losing my family, be worth it?? How can we answer that - it's too hard
And the baby thing - I have even thought the same myself, that I would want to sleep with H to have another child as I want one so much, and ultimately, I wanted it to be with the man I married. But I think that's all part of the grieving process. I try to focus on the thought of potentially having another baby one day with a man who loves me and does everything he can to make our lives happy - now that's a better thought
It's just so so so difficult. Without knowing what has happened between you it's so hard to say. But to be honest I don't need to know, because at the end of the day it's your decision as to whether you could ever trust him again and whether your relationship is worth fighting for. I really believe you have to follow your heart in answering that xx