False promises

[heneverkeepshisword]

So basically my bf has cheated on me in the past, promised me he was sorry blah blah, then I caught him messaging her again.

He begged and begged and pleaded for 5 months for me to give him another chance, she's blocked etc etc....

So I said okay I'll give him one more chance but he has to change his number...he said fine he will do anything it takes...

He goes to check when his phone is up for renewal and says it's only in a couple of weeks so he will change his number then.....
He then gets a new phone and contract without changing his number....so I tell him again that I will only give him another chance if he changes it...he then agree to do it last weekend but then something came up so he couldn't, promises that this weekend he will do it...

Had the conversation tonight and now he's saying it's pointless as she is blocked so he's not doing it!

I feel I should just walk away now as 3 times he promised and now has backed down.
Not the only thing he's backed down on....he promises me so much when he's trying to get me back and then as soon as I'm back it all goes out the window!

I don't know what to do?

It's getcoldturkey.com

It really helped me! As did having a designated friend to look after my phone by carrying it in their bag until it was time to go home. Was a great way to resist temptation.

Just watching one of the video as....common no contact mistake number 3.....definitely hard getting rid of our mutual friends

OP, you are doing great. KOKO!!!

Keep busy, and have some distractions planned because you are giving him too much headspace still.

You are no longer in a relationship. Why would you care "what he was up to"? Let him poke his willy into other women without you obsessing over it. you've felt so untrusting of him for so long (with justification), that you are caught in the mindset of worrying about him cheating. Well, it's not cheating any more, it's moving on. He will do so very quickly indeed, and you need to steel yourself so you don't feel hurt.

Detach. Detach. Detach!

Hey OP i hope you are doing ok today.

I jjst wanted to say how amazing Gemma1971 has been on this thread. Event if you are not yet ready to read all the links she has posted, they are a great resource for anyone else with similar problems.

Thank you Kristina. I went through the mill in my situation. Nothing like experience as the greatest teacher.... for good or bad reasons!

This is good:

Thankyou guys!

Just went to my gym and thought right let's have a good workout....then I look at the xmas party list which he said he wouldn't go too Cos it's full of nobs ....to then find his name on the list a few names under mine! Ffs! So that means now I'm not going to be able to go...!!
He clearly doesn't care about me and how that would make me feel!

Thankyou for the links I'm working my way through them!

Hi @heneverkeepshisword I was wondering how you were getting on today!

I think it's a sign of you dealing with this maturely and with a cool head that you think OK well I won't go, I'll do something else nice instead.

When things were raw for me, if I had seen his name on the list I would have planned to turn up looking super hot and "show him what he's missing" and he would inevitably have made me feel shit either by not being bothered or by reeling me in for the night before dropping me again.

So trust me, from bitter experience you are doing the right thing at the moment to just remove yourself with dignity from situations that will only make you more upset.

Proud of you!

He is going to sit there all night waiting for you to arrive
While you enjoy being somewhere else

Ah well, he’ll be in good company with all the other knobs.

Well done OP.

Can you use another branch of the gym? It seems like madness to frequent a place where you may well see him?

Yea that's what my friend said!

Keep my name on the list but then don't show up so that he's sat there waiting all night hating life as he would never go to anything like that normally!

I was tempted to go anyway but I know it's a stupid idea and it's only me that I'll be hurting!

It's a private gym and the only gym in my area that Im in a contract with so can't go anywhere else atm.

So I'm just going when I know he deffo won't be there!
Means I can't go as much! But if I don't see him it's worth it!

@heneverkeepshisword

Keep my name on the list but then don't show up so that he's sat there waiting all night hating life as he would never go to anything like that normally!

I like your friend, she sounds like a good egg

Totally agree, but also make sure you do something FAB that night! Spa with your friend, comfy night in binge watching your favourites with a takeaway... whatever you fancy.

It'll be a reminder of your new life - putting yourself first while that dickhead is continuing with his dickhead ways but from now on they're not your concern.

FREEDOM!

Yea she has been through a guy that you keep going back too and another one cheated on her....she takes no shit now that's for sure!

Yea I had arranged a babysitter so will cancel that and have a nice takeaway evening with the kids!

I wonder how many more places I might bump into him at
Luckily my friends will help me avoid him and not talk to him!
We live in a small town so it will be hard to avoid him forever unless one of us moves and I can't because of the kids.

Don't forget to pop in to see the police though. Remember his threats, Just because things have gone quiet, it doesn't mean he has forgotten you. These types hate to lose. Anyone or anything. They view life as a chess game and see themselves as Queen and everyone else as disposable.

Do be careful OP.

Yea he's very competitive in everyday life!

I will go and see them Wednesday evening!

I'm hoping tho that this is it! He has got the message! As yes things are very quiet....but he knows this weekend is my weekend without the kids so I am waiting of an offer to go over his to arise!
I have plans with friends all weekend tho so won't even be tempted!

🤞🏼 fingers crossed he's moved on!

Good for you, you’re doing exactly the right thing.

The ultimate goal though is to not give a fuck what he’s doing or what he’s feeling. Hopefully by then you won’t care.

I can't wait to get there!

When I start feeling like that....does that mean I get to get on with my life without worrying he's going to be there?

"When I start feeling like that....does that mean I get to get on with my life without worrying he's going to be there?"

OP, you make the choices, you are in charge of your own life, YOU have agency over yourself. Not us. Not him. Nobody else but you.

So make the choice now to stop worrying about him (whilst maintaining your avoidance of frequented places and the police report etc.), but get your focus back onto getting behind the steering wheel of your own life.

The only way to make any progress is to choose it.

Oh no I'm not worrying about him so much anymore!
Just worried about bumping into him....just hoping that will fade and bumping into him won't set me back!

Believe me, my ex could stand all night knocking on my door and I would not open it now.

He could parade 100 models before my eyes that he has slept with, I do not give a flying fuck.

How did I get to this point? I finally started working on myself, on what I want for ME, I tell myself I love myself in the mirror every single day. I slap my own bum and shout SEXY ASS in the mirror. Sounds mad... but he picked on my appearance, so I am reprogramming my brain. I am doing well too, at first I found it hard to accept and love myself (his nasty voice in my head).

Work on loving you in whatever way works for you personally.

I know he will be back, he always is, but I am a narc-free zone and my desire for a HAPPY life where I am valued like a diamond is greater than anything else.

Make your desire for a happy, honest and stress-free future with a kind and trustworthy partner THE most important thing and Mr Ex will shift from someone you desire.. desired... to someone you would not touch with a twenty-foot barge pole ever again. Because your self-worth is so great that he does not DESERVE to come within a ten foot radius of you.

Value yourself THAT highly.

I have a new motto: "If you hurt me, you don't deserve to be with me"

This is good: