False promises

[heneverkeepshisword]

So basically my bf has cheated on me in the past, promised me he was sorry blah blah, then I caught him messaging her again.

He begged and begged and pleaded for 5 months for me to give him another chance, she's blocked etc etc....

So I said okay I'll give him one more chance but he has to change his number...he said fine he will do anything it takes...

He goes to check when his phone is up for renewal and says it's only in a couple of weeks so he will change his number then.....
He then gets a new phone and contract without changing his number....so I tell him again that I will only give him another chance if he changes it...he then agree to do it last weekend but then something came up so he couldn't, promises that this weekend he will do it...

Had the conversation tonight and now he's saying it's pointless as she is blocked so he's not doing it!

I feel I should just walk away now as 3 times he promised and now has backed down.
Not the only thing he's backed down on....he promises me so much when he's trying to get me back and then as soon as I'm back it all goes out the window!

I don't know what to do?

He owns you. He decides when you get to leave. You choosing to get up and walk is a direct attack on his dignity in his eyes. Quite a few men are like that. The slave does not refuse the master.

Well that makes no sense

He's lost control over you.
That is the most important thing to him.
Control.
He will keep at it until you agree to fall in line.
We will keep trying.
He will give up eventually, when his pride has taken a real knock and he can no longer take the rejection.
Then he will move on to his next victim.
Pity her!

And I'm sure he will try and rub my face in it

Come on OP, keep going. If you can't ring police on your own behalf, do it for your kids' Mother. write everything down or print off this thread and give it to the Police. At the very least seal a copy in an envelope and give it to a friend or family member and say if anything happens to you, they should pass it on to Police. You don't belong to yourself, you belong to those that TRULY love you and that is the reason you have to protect yourself and the family from this dangerous wanker. Ask yourself why you are reluctant to contact the Police about this. Another hard question so I'll say sorry in advance. Is there a part of you still trying to keep your options open with this psychopath? Always best to understand what is actually going through your own head. Stay strong

Yea I went and seen a friend this afternoon and told her everything.
She lives round the corner from me and has said if she sees his car outside mine she will ring the police.
So I feel better now!

I think the reason I don't want to call them is because I already feel so bad and horrible that doing that will make him hate me and I don't like anyone hating me!
I don't want to keep the door open I just hate the thought of upsetting him more!

Stupid I know

He already hates you OP.

Why do you care what he thinks? - you need to protect yourself, if not for you, for your son.

I care what everyone thinks!
I hate confrontation!
I like to be everyone's friend and I don't know why!

he doesn’t seem very worried about upsetting you.

Pull your head out of your arse OP. You have bloody children, and you have a unhinged psycho with guns stalking you and you’re sitting on your arse doing fuck all about it. You’re more worried about upsetting him than you are about protecting yourself and your kids. That’s gonna look fucking well if he murders you, ’sorry kids, your mum preferred to leave you motherless than make the nasty psycho man sad. I know you’re sad but at least he isn’t, but that’s what she wanted.’ That’s the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard.

he already hates you. If he had any regard for you whatsoever he wouldn’t be stalking you and frightening the shit out of you. You have a screwed up idea of love if you think that’s what it looks like.

Grow up and get a bloody grip. you have children ffs. Start caring about them as much as you care about this fucked up crazy raping psycho you love so much.

Never really looked at it like that!

Ok I'm ringing them!

Okay so I have spoken to them!

They have said for me not to reply to anything otherwise it won't be classed as stalking/harassment.
They have advised me to go down to the police station in my next town to give a statement so that they have it all recorded.
Also if he gets any worse to ring them again immediately and they will just give him a warning.

I feel better for it! And knowing my friend who lives round the corner is looking out for me too!

Let's hope that's it and I don't have to ring them again....I was so nervous but they were very kind!

Good, well done. Don’t down play it. It’ll do you no good if you actually need police intervention.

When has he asked if your OK.
When does he promise to give you space.
To be willing to step back for the sake of you and the children.
When did he ever put you first?

That's very true!
Not once has he really thought about me!

Sorry xposted.

When are you going to the police station? Make sure you do.

Well done for taking this seriously and involving the police. A massive step forwards.

Please do make sure you keep yourself and your DC safe; he sounds unhinged.

I will have to go Wednesday evening as I'm at work all week.
Obviously if he gets worse and they have to come out then I'll give my statement then. But hopefully it doesn't come to that!

Good this is such hard work!
I just want to rewind 3 years

great progress OP, after a really good talking to by @Whatisthisfuckery ! She is right, you've got to take this seriously in case he ramps it up (he will), if you want to be free of him forever.

Because you have always taken him back before, he wont yet believe your resolve not to this time. So you need to reinforce that you absolutely mean it, with your continued stonewalling of him.

I'm so pleased you have kept going. Its 5 days cold turkey now isn't it? I read that it takes 30 days to break an addiction, so get marking those dates off on the calendar. Only 25 days to go before you couldn't care less if he fell under a bus. And each day getting there will be easier.

Make sure you've got stuff planned to do when you feel vulnerable to replaying to him, like maybe the evenings when the kids are in bed. Plan things, do your nails, watch a box set, have a friend over, whatever. Dont give yourself voids to feel lonely in. Not until you've broken the habit. 30 days is soon gone.

@BendyLikeBeckham Thankyou 😊 I feel like a child and proud that yes I have gone 5 whole days of managing to ignore all messages and letters! That's the longest ever! I know I'm not over the worst but I'm closer than I was!

But yea that's true I don't believe he quite thinks it's over yet so he could get worse so I'm glad I have told the police incase he does!

I have written 30 days down on a whiteboard and have crossed off 5....so roll on to day 30

Yea for the next month on my nights without the boys I have made plans with friends and reconnected with friends I haven't seen in a long time so I'm excited!

It's just the jealousy side I'm worried about getting the best of me....as I know that will be his next tactic!

Question...I’ve rtft and multiple people on here are being stalked. If this is really unwanted attention why haven’t/aren’t you got a restraining order or at the very least a non-molestation order? If you don’t want the contact surely it’s that simple? If they break it they get banged up. Simples.

But you don't want him.
Think of it as if he gets a new partner he won't need to obsess about you.

@Originalconcept because actually no matter who it was I wouldn't want anyone banged up unless he physically hurt me! That's a bit extreme and I wouldn't want that on many people!
My ideal situation would of been we talked about stuff and ended and then both went our separate ways! Yes it's unwanted hurt and guilt and attention but I don't think it warrants being banged up for just yet?

Or maybe that's the trauma bond still talking but I really don't think so!

@mummmy2017 yea I know that's true....but it's still hard to take!

mental abuse can be just as harmful as physical violence. And when it does then escalate to violence why not get a non-molestation order? Do you want to continue to be contacted? Triggered? If so continue as you are, or, get a non-molestation order and actually move on like you say you want to. Isn’t that really the only way?

www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/getting-an-injunction/

"I care what everyone thinks!
I hate confrontation!
I like to be everyone's friend and I don't know why!"

Sounds like co-dependency.