False promises

[heneverkeepshisword]

So basically my bf has cheated on me in the past, promised me he was sorry blah blah, then I caught him messaging her again.

He begged and begged and pleaded for 5 months for me to give him another chance, she's blocked etc etc....

So I said okay I'll give him one more chance but he has to change his number...he said fine he will do anything it takes...

He goes to check when his phone is up for renewal and says it's only in a couple of weeks so he will change his number then.....
He then gets a new phone and contract without changing his number....so I tell him again that I will only give him another chance if he changes it...he then agree to do it last weekend but then something came up so he couldn't, promises that this weekend he will do it...

Had the conversation tonight and now he's saying it's pointless as she is blocked so he's not doing it!

I feel I should just walk away now as 3 times he promised and now has backed down.
Not the only thing he's backed down on....he promises me so much when he's trying to get me back and then as soon as I'm back it all goes out the window!

I don't know what to do?

@mummmy2017 oh don't worry I won't be going anywhere near him if I can help it!

@AFairlyHardAvocado omg! That reminds me of something my ex done....a few times....he would always say....oh I was going to do this but because u blocked me I didn't!

@TowelNumber42 I just can't do it because they will go to his house and then his parents will make my life hell! I'll see how this weekend goes if he gets worse I'll speak to his parents first maybe?

How would his parent's make your life hell?

Rogue apostrophe. How would his parents make your life hell?

Because she is a horrible person!

Wait, so you don't want to tell the police about your stalker who has guns because the stalker's mum will stalk you extra bad if she knows you called the police.

You have wrapped yourself in a world of bonkers there.

Omg OP, he sounds like a fucking lunatic! What's with all the crappy letters? I'd burn the lot.

Well done for staying NC with him. He reminds me of my ex in so many ways. Narcissists never change their ways and everything they do is all about them and how it makes them feel. Never about anyone else. Reading your exes behaviour strikes a chord with me as I'm sure it does with many women on here. It is scarily like my ex and I put up with it for 7 years.

I actually want to puke reading all the stunts your ex is pulling to try to win you round. Its creepy.

Dont reply. If he continues to harass you and let's face it, its bordering on harassment now, log it with the police. The guy is clearly unhinged.

Well done OP. You got this.

Oh and you can get a restraining order taken out on him, so worth bearing in mind.

@TowelNumber42 yes his mum is probably worse than him but I doubt she would stalk me...but she does have this weird hold over him so I really don't want her knowing much if I can help it!

@Soen I can't believe how many people have been a victim....and how all stories are the same! I really didn't think I was in the situation until coming on here!

Is there anyway I can inform the police without them going to him yet? Only if it gets worse and I ring them again? And then they pay him a visit?

Phone. Ask them for advice. Let them know he has guns. Say you don't want much fuss now but really want their advice. Then take their advice.

I could be wrong but I think theres a service separate to the police where you can get an injunction.

Okay. That's a good idea! Thankyou

OP, google DV Assist. They’re a free service I believe, and they can help you with an emergency non-molestation order. Even if they can’t do it there and then, they can advise you. You have more than enough grounds.

I’m a bit worried that you’re not taking this seriously enough. Things can escalate quickly, and you don’t know what’s going on in his head, what he’s cooking up. He’s clearly not close to giving up yet, and he’s no intention of letting you continue to ignore him. Remember, he wants to get your attention, and he’ll try everything to get it. You are doing yourself a massive disservice by not getting all the help and support you can.

Please call 101 and talk to them. You really don’t know what will happen next, and you really don’t want to get caught on the back foot when he escalates, which he surely will. You really aren’t doing yourself any favours by playing wait and see. You can tell the police that you don’t want them to act yet, but you can be in a much better position when you need them, and I’m sorry, but you will. Please don’t play this down. Denial will not help you get rid of this man.

Please don’t regret not talking to the police. You’ll lose nothing by talking to them, but you just might deeply regret not.

Yea okay I think I will ring 101 today!

I guess I'm in denial still about it all. I just keep thinking that he's going to be like "ok fine, you win, I give up" as he has said that before!

I'm just so annoyed that he's making this so hard....break ups are hard enough as they are

My sister never reported her ex, when something happened, the police told her she should have called each time.
They need you to do this so it is on record

I just don't want to waste there time. Plus I have read stories where even tho the police were Informed they didn't actually do anything not that I want them too yet!

But I will ring them today and ask for there advice

Ring 101 and let them know:
He has access to guns
You have talked him down from suicide with said guns previously
He has raped you
He has been contacting you repeatedly in any way he can, including letters pushed through your door by hand
He knows - as shown previously - when he can catch you leaving for work
He has been watching your house and messaging to let you know this
He has broken into your house before
He knows when you are home alone, he knows that whenever you are not completely alone, you are alone with DCs

Did I miss anything? You want them to be able to advise you properly based on all of the information.

OP, darling, you’re not wasting police time, that is what they’re there for. If anyone will be wasting their time it will be your ex, for pursuing a woman who has told him a very clear no.

Look, what the police do is up to them. If they ignore you then you have no control over that, and any consequences will be on them. If you don’t call them and he does something dangerous it’ll be on you, at least in part, for not calling them. You are not responsible for his behaviour, but you are responsible for not taking the necessary precautions to keep yourself safe.

If you tell them he has guns, then I can virtually guarantee they won’t bat you off. It’s a huge flashing neon sign that says ‘DANGER.’

Please stop the denial, it won’t help you. You want this arsehole out of your life; you want to be able to go about your business without fear of him being right behind you; you want to spend your mental and emotional energy on something other than worrying about what crazy unhinged stunt he’ll pull next. You already know the lengths he’s gone to to get your attention before, but you don’t know how far he’ll go because you’ve always given in. You really don’t know what he’s capable, what he might do, and he has the ability to kill you if he so wishes. Just because you couldn’t imagine doing that to someone, it doesn’t mean he can’t, and as you can’t read his mind you need to keep yours open to the worst outcomes possible. You can’t protect yourself unless you do this because you’ve already closed off the part of your intuition that might forewarn you. You are being forewarned, only you don’t want to see it. Stop being in denial and call 101.

If you never need the police then great for everyone, but if you do you’ll be glad you made that call.

Okay. I will ring them later! And see what they say!

I'm really hoping he just gives up soon as this is the longest I haven't replied for!

It's starting to get me down abit. Unless this is just another stage of a break up. I don't know but I'm feeling abit fed up today that this is happening!
I really thought that when we first got together this was it

Did any of you guys have to go as far as ringing the police?

I did call the police yes, both when he was bothering me and when he threatened to kill himself.

He got contact with me because of DS though so he could get at me that way, and that made things much more difficult and complicated for me.

Even now he tries to get at me, but he won’t do it directly now because he can’t get away with it. He uses my family and my son instead. It’s been 6 years and still he’ll have a go from time to time. He hasn’t seen DS for two years though due to his drinking so now I only communicate via solicitor. He rings from time to time but I shit him down.

He’s given up mostly, but occasionally when our paths cross it’ll trigger something. I’m very aware of this so take precautions against it.

Whatisthisfuckery has just given you the best advice ever. Drop the denial and ring the police.

I briefly forgot about the guns and the suicide threat. NO mentally healthy person does that, really. Sane men and women DO NOT threaten suicide when a break-up happens. It is a really bad sign.

There is a scary statistic about 2 women per week being murdered by former partners. This usually happens when or after they have left the abuser.

I do think you need to speak to the police. An ex from way back threatened to kill himself when I asked him to move out. He monitored my every move, awful man. I came home to find him lying on the bathroom floor. I immediately rang for an ambulance and as I did, he snatched the phone from me and was fine.

Two weeks later I was talking him down as he held a knife to my throat and pinned me against the kitchen wall. I honestly though that was the end.

Please don't be in denial.

I did OP as mine ended up physically attacking me. Don't get as far as I did. I don't think I will ever recover from that night.

You've had good advice on this thread. I know it's easy to normalise behaviour like this - it really isn't normal!

God I really feel like he's never going to go away!

he might not - mine hasn't. But the police can stop the worse of it.

And although HE might not stop, YOU can. Change your mindset. You can change - he probably never will.

Surely these men should have more dignity? Like they worry what people think of them? So why isn't grabbing your pride and running with it important to them?

Like if someone was ignoring my messages like even 2....I would stop as I would be embarrassed to keep on as it's quite clear they don't want to talk!
It happened with a friend of mine recently so I just sent a message saying ok I guess u don't want to talk so that's fine. I hope your okay. And then I left it!
Why don't they have that?