"It's so bloody hard!"
Why is that? Write it out. Sex I bet, am I right? What else is good about him? I bet there is nothing else, am I right?
My ex was sex, exotic trips and food. That was it. I was addicted to the drama, I really do believe that. He also smelled really good, there was something about his skin. I used to bring his shirts and vests home to sniff. Sounds mad right? But I longed for the sex so much.
It did wear off after a while. Sure I still miss it, but what would I get if I married him like he wanted me to? Sex.... which eventually will fizzle out when he decides my arse is not twerky enough, my hair is not thick enough, my nose is too big, my boobs are not perky enough... you get the idea.
Have you looked at any of those resources?
OP you have two choices right now. You can either keep focusing on him and how much you miss his amazing schlong and end up giving in like you always do and having a few good bonks and he gets to use you again and quite possibly rape you again. I cannot forget what I read on your other thread.
Or: You start working on yourself and use the abundance of free materials online to understand that you are addicted, probably codependent, very, very vulnerable and your core values and boundaries, if you have ever identified them, and I think you have? (no lying, cheating etc.) have been trampled on by an abuser.
Which is it to be? Are you going to sit around "hoping" that he "hopefully" stops contacting you. More tough love and reality checking needed here.. my ex contacted me after TWO YEARS absence. They RARELY EVER give up. They come around whoever is up for it. They know who is lonely, needy and in need of sex and companionship - YOU. He will be back.. of course he will. He knows you are usually an absolute pushover.
YOU decide when a relationshit is over with an abuser. NOT the abuser. That is ONE thing I have learned. Stand in your power woman. You are not a child, you are a woman. If you miss sex so badly, find a gigolo/sex site/Tinder... ANYONE but him!!!