Dating thread 173 - Winter is coming - 'cuffing' is optional

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

A few friends were talking about tinder last night, lots have said they like both men and women so they can see what other people are putting on their profiles to get some ‘tips’. Well they said competition, but that’s not a very nice way of thinking about it.

I discovered a new way to rate how scary a film is on Friday, you simply count how many glasses of (red) wine MrNN chucks all over the living room while jumping out of his skin, we got to three before I put the wine in a munchin trainer cup. Apparently both brick work and mortar are stained by red wine.

We had our fourth MiniSJT/MrNN meet today, survived despite the grown ups both being very hungover. MiniSJT was delighted that MrNNs ‘poorly head’ meant that he couldn’t finish his pudding. MrNN then had a ‘wonderful’ time playing lego and being bossed around.

So that was good, but what was more impressive is that MrNN and I survived the rugby. He did make me shave off my Mario moustache this morning, I think he’s just jealous that he can’t grow one.

@shitwithsugaron Is it a bit of imposter syndrome caused by what you’ve been through? It’s so common, but lots of people don’t talk about it.

@EchoElephant I didn't think men looked at profiles but @HairyArsedMan gave me some tips so I rewrote it and overnight got favourited by dozens of men - Mr R was the best so the hirsute bottomed one knows his stuff!

I also googled tips for writing profiles and the telegraph had a feature on words that men should include in a profile and words that women should include for success and I added a few.

Thanks for the comments about profile writing. I'm looking at a blank space at the moment because I feel I've tried so many different versions without much success, that whatever I write will be the wrong thing.

If I manage to put something sensible together, then I will take up the offers to review it.

I didn't think anyone, especially men, bothered to read profiles. But I'm getting lots of views but none are following up with a message. And my messages don't get replies after they've looked at my profile. So I'm thinking there's something in there that's putting men off. But I know it could be any number of things.

@EchoElephant what are your photos like? That may be what needs tweaking

I read profiles. It’s the least I can do if someone has written one. And if they are fanciable I’m desperate to read one ! “Please be into stamp collecting!” goes my brain as I scroll down ...

Thanks @Siroli and @shitwithsugaron life is good, I’m on a date hiatus at the moment due to well, just stuff, and not having much free time until mid Nov. But been chatting to a few potential dates. It seems very different to before as the messaging has been glacial. I know it takes two to tango but just wonder if I should accept none of them are particularly worth pursuing when the pace is so slow. It’s virtually impossible to know anything about them to even consider asking them out.

@saltysally I have about 6 photos showing me doing different things - full length, face/shoulders, sporty one, with friends. All smiling. I think they show me as I am.
I don't wear a lot of makeup - hardly any. There is one photo of me in a dress but most are skinny jeans and smart top or lycra.

I've looked at other women's profiles around my age and my photos look quite good. They don't stand out as being anything exceptional but they aren't blurry, snapchat, all selfies.

Photos sound really good and natural @EchoElephant

@hairyarsedman have you had many 'phone dates' to avoid the tedious messaging? I've had two and I enjoyed them. I think many women in your area would like your accent as well, a nice voice is a real selling point, and it might liven things up.

@StealthNinjaMum I have done a few pre-meet phone chats ages ago but at the moment it's so slow as to not even get to exchange of numbers ... I guess there are just other irons in the fire or a general wariness to deal with 🤷‍♂️ It's ok something will catch hold eventually - I'm not in a hurry

Update from me.... I went on a date with a guy, I'll call him Mr Hair.
We had chatted a lot via text in the week before the date, when we finally met we got on so well, I felt really comfortable around him. He was lovely, attentive, very complimentary. I'm not used to that at all, I think I must inadvertently go for unavailable bad boy types?
Also, not my usual type, he's very slim but I do fancy him... I think he might grow on me.
I need to give it a go don't I? I'm a bit scared!

I already have massive first date jitters and it’s not until Saturday.

I love Monday's catching up on the weekend posts . Welcome to the newbies (I feel like I say that every Monday!).

I can only reiterate what other seasoned posters have written - meet up quickly. Don't message for weeks before a first date, you risk missing out on other perhaps more suitable irons because you are so invested in the "relationship" you are having with someone you've never met. Then you find yourself feeling "unfaithful" to the iron you've never met when an actual real life human being suggests meeting for a drink before you meet imaginary man. Human nature is a funny old thing.

Things are still progressing well with MrC - I still love him lots, he still doesn't (can't?) say it, but he says things like "You do know how much I care about you, don't you? "You mean the world to me" "I can't imagine you not being in my life". That'll do me for a while longer. He's not perfect and neither am I, but his imperfections aren't red flags, they're just what makes him him - the good bits and the not so good bits.

I'll keep him for a while yet - 7 months in I still fancy the pants off him everytime I see him and he definitely feels the same about me , but that's just the icing on the cake - we just get each other and are really tied up in each other's lives now. Still owe @MrDrummer a drink for getting me to give my head a wobble over nearly cancelling date 2 - the nice guy does get the girl sometimes...

Monday's update from me! So the L-Bomb was indeed dropped last night and actually it took my breath away and I said it back so we're both grinning like Cheshire cats this morning. I'm not concerned it's too early as we are not only on the same page but on the same line! He's quite literally the male version of me and he says the same about me!

@JeSuisPrest how has it been 7 months!! MrC sounds like a love but I wonder what's stopping him from uttering those three words? Have you told him again? It sounds like you're both in for the long haul anyway.

@shitwithsugaron imposter syndrome is very much a thing - I have quite a responsible job and I suffer with it sometimes.

@SimonJT what a lovely update with MrNN and miniSJT.

I'd love to know what you all look like and what your irons look like, we should meet at @WooMaWang and MrSGs wedding!!

That's lovely @JeSuisPrest. I hope to be able to say the same sorts of things in six months or so.

I first met Mr G back in September, and am glad we ended up dating, albeit long distance. He's thoughtful, affectionate and makes me laugh. I have his home address in the States so I'm thinking of what to send in a surprise care package. I already bought some Turkish delight for his kids, he took it home with him on Saturday. They can't get the real stuff very easily where they live. He's told them we are dating but it's different for him, I'm never nearby and he's dated since their mother died. I haven't told my DC anything yet, I'm going to wait for a few more months before I tell them I'm dating someone. It's all very new for them, me having a social life. Dating a man and possibly meeting him in the future? Gulp. I don't know how to deal with that yet.

@KermitRulesOK that's lovely re: the L-Bomb. How long have you been seeing each other?

@PinkMonkeyBird just short of 4 weeks 😱

Just ended things with Mr B as I felt he was becoming invested and my feelings weren't there. But I really liked him and enjoyed his company so I'm feeling quite tearful.

This dating business is sometimes so difficult.

Ah that's tough, @Notcoolmum, but if you aren't feeling the same as him, it's better to end it sooner rather than later.

Thanks @nomorecereal I've had it done to me and I wouldn't want to do it to anyone else. I have hurt him though. And I'm a blubbery mess today.

@KermitRulesOK well if you feel like that and it is mutual...that's fantastic! Some people just click and are so right for each other.

MrDr and I are in contact daily (for hours at night). I'm not at the L-bomb stage, but very smitten and his feelings are clearly mutual. I've never met anyone like him and whilst it seems all very organic and natural, it's quite overwhelming at times with regards to how we get on so easily.

At the end of the day, life is too short and if your gut instinct is that it is right, then bloody go for it.

@tickettocrazytown very similar here. MrDr, physically, is not my usual type, but there are over riding factors which make that pale into insignificance. He's a genuinely a lovely and kind man which ticks boxes. Previous types have actually been 'bad boys' here, too. Bored with those types as they are mainly selfish wankers.

Give MrHair a shot, for sure. Good luck!

I was feeling happy because I had a new iron on POF. Chat was going well.
Then he asked if I had any more photos. I pointed out there were 6 on my profile.
He said he meant 'personal photos, like swimsuit or underwear'.

Why, why, why? That's the second one in a week that's seemed normal but then out of the blue starts with the sex talk.

These are men in their 50s who have professional jobs but seem to have no clue how to interact with women. He then had the cheek to be offended when I told him I wouldn't send anything like that especially to a stranger.

@KermitRulesOK that's amazing about the L-bomb congratulations ❤️

Hmm I came on here to ask for advice for my second date with the lovely Mr Smile. We've arranged the day and time, but I was thinking about inviting him to mine to cook a meal. I know there's no need to rush, and we could just as easily meet in a pub, but I was thinking I would be much more relaxed at home.

Although I would certainly not be dtd, but maybe some relaxed heavy petting- what do you all think???

Do you think it will sound like too much too soon?