Dating thread 173 - Winter is coming - 'cuffing' is optional

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

That's classic love bombing unfortunately @wontbefooledagain We've all broken some rules, some many rules, some frequently. OLD is tough and newcomers often get targeted by creeps. Delete all his details, block him and move on.

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking what an idiot. Did he get the message? Definitely feel for you

@wontbefooledagain it's easy to get caught up in it. I always try to reign them in and remind them they've never met me but still get caught up in it. For me it's nice to feel wanted.

What I'm finding difficult is talking to more than one iron. Like if it seems we both like each other. It doesnt really sit right with me, I def wouldnt want to date more than 1. am I weird? I end up talking to 1 and becoming to invested.

I'm still on the single bench and not even a sniff of an iron,but you know what,life seems nice and chilled.
After Mr dadbod,I honestly felt I had to tie my hands together to stop me going on pof, I was desperate to find someone else! Four years of ,I suppose,being a serial dater,searching for a connection and going on loads of dates messed with my head. It was a sort of addiction .
It took a month to get pof out of my mind and now I dont even think of it.
Dating made me have a knot in my stomach and the highs then lows were something I think I thrived off?

Anyway, son is getting more independent and I have worked on my unavailable issues so maybe in the new year I will dip my toes.

For newbies on here, meet asap. And if he cant,unless he is on holiday then is it really worth meeting someone who has no time for a relationship.
I found if a man is keen,he will pursue you! And make it clear. You wont be left questioning anything.

Thanks @saltysally. My long term relationship only finished six months ago and I thought OLD would provide a distraction to all the rubbish stuff going on in my life. I think I'll leave it for a while now and continue lurking on this thread!

I had several irons on the go a few weeks back, it was stressful! But I was doing it specifically so I wouldn't get too attached to one too soon.

Then I decided to go for it with one, which fell apart spectacularly quickly. I'd ended it with Mr G at the same time and he replied saying he wanted to date exclusively, so one potential relationship ended and another one started a few days later. It was crazy and I don't really want to do that again. If things don't pan out with Mr G I won't be dating again for a while.

@MoreNiceCereal were u meeting up with them too?

current iron said he'd stopped chatting to girls for me and wasnt using apps, but we were both on last night. when I asked if he wanted to chat to others he said he didnt know. So confusing! waiting on a further update lol. if he decides to chat to others then maybe I should give it a go too!

Yes, I had a fwb (more of a FB, really, there was no actual friendship involved) and went on several dates here and there. One day I unexpectedly managed two coffee dates in one afternoon. It was all too much, and all because I was trying to keep myself unavailable. I was using classic tactics of avoiding emotional entanglement.

I think OLD makes this sort of thing common. I met people I would have never come across otherwise in my day to day life, and faces on a screen are easy to treat flippantly. So I had lots of choices and little to no emotional investment in them as people.

@crazycatlady20 that is what I have done too, totally invested myself in one person who I haven't met face to face! I feel ridiculous when I see it written down like this. Maybe I should think about changing my username

To all the newbies - it's very easy to get drawn in especially as they are faces on a screen and the messages are lovely and they compliment you and make you feel special then they do one! I think every single one of us has had it happen and I think everyone has felt the same about it. Don't ever feel silly as it's on them not you! People are bloody weird and dating apps have allowed people to pretty much do what they want. Follow the rules and they will serve you well.

With MrM it was very clear that we were both being very cautious and literally asked to meet at the same time which was a week after messaging started. He said he didn't want to ping pong with messages for ages and neither did I. We have always been on the same page actually with pretty much everything and our first date was amazing - 5 hours of chatting, no dtd and no good night kiss...turns out we were both too shy! Things have now progressed and we're in an exclusive relationship after just 4 weeks (I realise this is very quick) but everything feels right and totally different for both of us. I'm meeting his friends next week 😱

There has been some really lovely success stories on here that really give you hope and if anyone followed my story with MrTall you'll know that I went through the ringer and have come out the other side!

Totally agree @KermitRulesOK, it's just plain weird out there. I've been stood up, ghosted, lied to, etc, all more than once. Hey ho

@StealthNinjaMum thanks for your message - I have asked him that so many times but he always denies it and gets upset with me so suspect there is an element of truth in it. I also think that it is so engrained in him not to spend the night - he is from a country where you can't hold hands with someone until you are married - that he doesn't understand how much of a big deal it is to me.

Anyway had a couple of glasses of wine last night and looked back on the apps. Have done some swiping and some messaging so we will see - might just take a break from it all to be honest. I just don't understand men!!

also @KermitRulesOK totally agree with everything you have said and how lovely that you have come out the other side with a lovely relationship.

Thanks for the reassurance @KermitRulesOK it is a bit of minefield out there. So lovely to hear your success story.

I'm after a bit of advice about what to write on my POF profile.
I've had various attempts at different profiles over the last 5 years but since I reached 50, I've struggled to get a lot of interest from any one remotely close to what I'm looking for.

As a sweeping generalisation, I prefer tall, athletic men in lycra. But the only messages I get are from the exact opposite.

Every time I message someone that I think looks like we might get on, they look at my profile then ignore me.

So I'm just wondering what sort of things people have on their profiles. A list of likes & hobbies? Or something about your personality? Or something funny?
I've tried every combination. Tempted to leave it blank now!

Hey Echo.
I cooy/pasted mine. I go in and tweak it occasionally but i do get matches fairly regularly so it must be working on some level:
"Kind, generous, funny with black sense of humour. Sociable and easy-going. Looking for some relaxed, fun dates. Not really trying to find The Next Big Thing, but open to possibilities. Can provide reviews from friends & family to testify to the positive impact I can have on your life. Mostly cake."

And i always tend to prefer profiles that talk about the person rather than specifying who/what they want from someone else

What are your photos like Echo? Men tend to be focus on those ime

On all my profiles I didn't write anything other than 'I'm pretty fabulous' and made sure my pics were good and plentiful. MrM's profile was pretty sparse too.

Can't help you there @EchoElephant but I keep mine short. I'm pretty sure most men don't read them anyway!

I include my main hobby, height, that I have kids, that I live in London. That's moreorless it.

@EchoElephant As your target audience, happy to provide a profile assist. I would say PoF is a place to get lost in and you should not place too much store in views. I see maybe 2 or 3 a week (and log on about just as frequently).

I am bit late to the party on the Minefield of Insecurity. I hope you can work it out @shitwithsugaron as it's something that blighted me for much of my life as a working class kid from a scummy housing estate carrying a big bag of shame about a shitty upbringing and feeling less than everyone for bloody years despite what I attained. When it comes into a relationship it's horrible, your Mr B can only be himself and if he hides all that he will only devalue himself to you. I'm really glad you have taken it on yourself to sort it out and now he knows he can support you in this. Definitely believe you are not lesser than anyone - everyone else has articulated all the brilliant ways you've negotiated life but some forgot to also mention you are bloody funny with it !

@HairyArsedMan I’d say you are a perfect gent!