Dating thread 173 - Winter is coming - 'cuffing' is optional

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

Hi,
I’m very new to just about everything!! My marriage has been over for years, officially split over a year and he finally moved out a couple of weeks ago. I’ve been on tinder and bumble for a few months, but I’d keep deleting for a few weeks. I’m not sure I’m really ready to date, I’d love to but it’s been 14 years!! Also self confidence issues, I’m bigger than I’ve ever been and keep thinking I should get that sorted first but then I think I’ve been lonely too long and I just want to connect with other humans, and I’m not getting younger, long time dead etc
I’ve an iron but it’s a slow burner lots of whats app messages but nothing deep and no talk of meeting, that’s ok as I’m not sure if there’s that much potential. Just tried OkCupid, that certinally very different to tinder and bumble! Maybe I should try PoF.
Enjoying reading your posts so thought I’d say hi rather than lurk.

@Stuckinarut79 I'm just out of a 12 year LTR and also am the largest I've been, which is pretty big tbh so also have confidence issues. my LTR had been on the rocks for a while so I feel ready to date and I'm surprised at how many people like larger ladies. altho OLD is pretty stressful it's made me realise people do find me attractive and given me a confidence boost.

I have always been larger, lost weight and put it back on. it would take years to lose it again so I'm just putting myself out there as I am. my current iron isnt keen on me losing lots of weight lol

good luck x

@Notcoolmum Sorry you are feeling upset but for what it's worth I think you've done the right thing if he was feeling more than you were. I think this is basically what MrSAS did to me and although I was a bit upset, I'm glad he did it when he did than string it out any longer. I met Mr Ad the next day 😊

@JeSuisPrest Lovely to hear things are going well still.

Mr Ad and I had our weekend away and got back yesterday. It was lovely, despite trains being a nightmare.
I loved spending time with him but I have to say, I was also glad to have some time to myself when he left this morning. I like my own company and have got quite used to it over two years of being single. It has confirmed that I am in no hurry whatsoever to shack up with someone. I'm happy to miss him when I don't see him instead 😄

@shitwithsugaron Of course you don’t sound stupid. It’s where you either feel undeserving, unqualified etc for something such as a relationship with someone nice and you fear being ‘found out’ as undeserving. Sorry if it’s a crap explanation, language barrier and all.

Sunshine glad you had a lovely time. And from one 7-monther to another, good to hear it's all still going well JeSuis. I'm still totally loved up with Mr BC - he's away in a different time zone for work at the moment so I'm missing our daily phone chats. After my 'going to his house' wobble a few months ago, we're planning that soon (for newbies, he's a widower, his late wife's adult children live with him, many photos etc of late wife around for them). Looking forward to it now. Worried about meeting his friends as I feel like I have to 'live up' to a dead person But all cope-able with

Re: profiles, I made mine very short and snappy when I went on Tinder, and did okay there. And all my photos were selfies and I never had an issue.

I avoided chatting to any man who sounded like they had time-consuming hobbies as they didn't sound like they had time to date! (So cyclists, golfers etc).

Thanks @Sunshineandflipflops I did always try and be very clear with Mr B about it being a casual thing. But it seems he felt more. I feel dreadful about hurting him. And also I really miss him as we were having a great time. But I didn't want to lead him on in anyway or let his feelings develop whilst I knew I wasn't in the same place. That has happened to me. And I don't want to do that to someone else.

@Notcoolmum ah I feel for you. It's sucks either way. Well done fir having the strength to finish it though.

@notcoolmum well done, it is difficult now but will be better in the long run.

@Sunshineandflipflops I love hearing about you and Mr Ad. After Mr SAS you definitely deserve someone more emotionally available. This can also be said to @KermitRulesOK I'm glad you're happy. I still haven't had a sober exchange of 'l' words with Mr R, I guess some people just don't do it I'm one of them.

@shitwithsugaron I totally get you, Mr R is so intelligent, funny and successful I wonder why he'd be happy with 'just' a mum but he isn't complaining and it's been six months now. I think I'm struggling because my ex said such awful things about me but rationally I know most weren't true and it'll just take time to forget them.

@crazycatlady20 thanks, good advice. Thanks to those posting some positive encounters, there are some (a lot) of weirdos out there, and I say this as someone who’d describe myself as a bit weird! Again I’m questioning is it worth it, there must be an easier way!

@stuckinarut79 have you been to any meetup groups? I went to a few after I split up with my ex. I didn't go with the intention of meeting a man but did meet some really nice people and it gave me a bit of a confidence boost.

Online dating can be awful but we're all here to hold your hand and there are many more experienced posters than me who'll help you spot the red flags. I didn't meet any really awful men and have never had a dick pic so some of us have been lucky.

Notcoolmum I've had 2 people end things with me because they weren't feeling it like I was.
It hurt and I was left questioning why we couldn't be together when we got on so well.

But hindsight has helped me to see that what they did was for the best. It's difficult to end something that appears to be working. But you did the right thing, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

No dick pics here either!

Nothing major to report, apart from last night Mr G promising he'll be in the country again by December at the latest, even if it means he takes some vacation time and flies on his own. I do sometimes wonder what he sees in me, to like me so damned much, but I'm not complaining. He makes me feel really happy so I'll take it.

I have a new iron on POF, Mr Beard.
Seems like just the sort of person I'm looking for. Except that he lives over an hour away.

I told him this when he first messaged me. But he sent such a sweet and funny reply that it felt rude to ignore him.
I keep repeating that I can't do distance relationships but he keeps saying that he's happy to travel to me.

What to do? Meet him and see if it could work? Or end it now before he gets too attached to me?

I'm glad to hear some of us 'old timers' on here are finally finding happiness. Proof that if you stick it out, you'll eventually find someone worthy.
I've been with MrG nearly 3 months and we say the L word every day, see each other every other day, met family etc. He's what I've been looking for physically, emotionally and intellectually. He is the male version of me in a lot of ways. It's so easy being with him.
My ex is back for a visit tomorrow (don't know how long) and this is going to be a big test, all being under one roof. I may need assistance/advice from you wonderful lot. You may recall my ex brought his g/f back for a visit when I was seeing MrWow earlier this yr. He let me down/avoided me during this time but MrG has promised not to and will be by my side. I don't envisage any 'trouble' but his mere presence back here is unwelcome and unsettling. It's still half his house so I can't do anything about it.
Sorry for rambling and for the absence. Welcome to the newbies. I'll try and keep up with you all now. x

Echo - no harm in meeting him if he's willing to travel. If you really click then an hour won't be too bad. Don't know if you have kids, making travelling more of an issue? But if he's willing to do the bulk of the driving, see how it goes.

I'm so confused. @TooOldForThis67 I thought mr Gardner ghosted you? Before mr wow?

@EchoElephant well you might as well meet him. You might not like each other anyway.

Thanks Peanuthedz and TooOldForThis67
We're trying to arrange to meet this weekend. But so far our schedules are clashing.

I have a teenage daughter who lives with me most of the time. I get 1.5 child-free days every fortnight. I also run my own business, so I sometimes work quite long hours.
Which I why I try to keep my dating to local people.
But he seems keen, so I'll meet him and see what he's like. Then work it out from there.

How are you doing @Peanuthedz

Glad things are going well @TooOldForThis67 but you may need to refresh our memory on Mr G.

@EchoElephant I don't think you have to worry about him becoming attached when you haven't met. My last iron was an hour's
Drive away. He did most of the travelling but I did go to his a few times. It wasn't a major issue. Not why we split up.

Peanutz and notcool - yes MrG ghosted me last Easter on holiday! We'd only been dating a couple of weeks. He explained and I forgave him (as I've not always behaved well in the past) and thought he was worth a 2nd chance. He was being messed about by his ex g/f but it's well and truly over now. I know how he felt as I've re-dated ex's, which didn't work and I no longer feel the pull, which is a good thing, no more 'what if's' - if that makes sense.

Notcoolmum I think he's a little too invested/attached. He's talking about changing all his weekend plans so that we can meet.
I've said friends come first but he says he'd rather meet me.
Personally I wouldn't drop plans with my friends for a first date. But I'm always very cautious about meeting someone for the first time.

I'd be very wary about that @EchoElephant it's not real until something has actually happened. Is he very new to OLD?

No idea. I haven't asked.
But I've now persuaded him to keep his weekend plans with his friends & we'll meet another time

@EchoElephant Mr Ad lives an hour away from me and we manage. He doesn't have a car either so he gets the train to me and I drive to him.