Dating thread 173 - Winter is coming - 'cuffing' is optional

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

Mr G just sent me the sweetest message. Definitely getting cozy on the smitten bench, where are my quilt and slippers?!

Ooh, @eyebrowsofinstagram, you haven’t bailed on the date despite the baggage?

I have the two cats @Horses4 I'm halfway there

@Peanuthedz definitely pulling up alongside on that bench lol!

@Horses4, that's a nice manageable number of cats to start with at least, especially as I have 3 mad dogs and 2 teenagers already

I'm so fickle. I could happily join you now @scotgal2017 The latest I expect to be on there is January. I've decided completely irrationally Mr Camera won't sort out our next date. Will see what happens.

@saltysally, oh that's not great to hear!

I'm at the stage where pretty much every iron talks for a day then disappears off the face of the planet. I'm admitting defeat as I have absolutely no idea how the male brain works and I'll stick to my kids and dogs, they are easy to read!

lovely to see all the updates on dates and nice messages.

so my last iron msg to say he was back with his ex but would like to still see me!! I declined, he blocked me lol.

have been chatting for 1 week with a guy 10yr my junior. met briefly and got on but he had to cancel meeting in fri. we have been messaging lots, and he said he wasnt on the dating app or chatting to anyone else, infact cut some off to spk to me. but noticed tonight he'd been online. should I mention it even jokingly? it's only been 1 week but it's more the fact he said he wasnt using it.

Also love that he messages lots but I'm scared I'll bore him, kind of following on from previous convo, I dont have many hobbies etc. and I'm running out of memes to send haha

any advice appreciated. I'm just out of 12yr ltr and have no idea what to txt. I'm used to arguing over txt or what's for dinner!

@scotgal2017 I'm genuinely fine with it. If I don't date again this year I won't care.

lol ignore my dating app query he just eyeballed me on it!

@Horses4 no I didn't bail on the date- we even had a kiss at the end (my first for 5 yrs- and first with a different man for over 15 yrs) so I'm definitely taking what I can get.

Baggage definitely put me off. He was really shy to reveal it all. But there's a massive difference between us. The date was a bit weird tbh- it was the classic thing of too much build up. I do like him- more than any other dates I've been on, but still not 100%.

Can I join. Been chatting to really nice man and flirting for a week. He doesn't want to meet for a few weeks. Would that ring alarm bells

@Sosounhappy welcome! That for me would be a red flag but then it depends on the reason - I like to meet within the first week ideally then you don't build up a picture in your head then it all gets dashed when you finally meet

He does have a reason. Would also like to meet sooner. Enjoying the messaging though x

I'm joining the "not looking and not bothered" bench too (and I already have 2 cats). My hearts not in it. I'm barely swiping on anyone anyway and just dont feel like being messed about again in run up to xmas. So I've snoozed apps and am going it alone for the time being.

I will gather today if I've been uncuffed. Mr Camera didn't message after his kids dinner last night night which makes me automatically suspicious. It's unfair to him. I barely know the guy but just expect he will be deceptive like so many are on OLD.

So what is the messaging etiquette do they always have to message first everyday

That's up to to you to decide.

I'm firmly in the boat of if man likes me he'll make sure I know about it and don't forget about him. This has something to do with the type of men I like which is the alpha male type. I refuse to chase.

Hmm I don't really know about messaging etiquette, now and then I messaged my iron- going to name him Mr Smile, because that's the bit I like best about him, and he has been making me smile too.

But on the whole he was messaging me first, so when I did it it was like a nice treat rather than the norm.

I was having a long think about the pros and cons of long messaging before you meet.

Obviously I would always meet soon if I could, and there's the massive risk of it all fizzling out before you get to the date. But in my case, I really enjoyed the weeks of messaging. It actually gave me a break of sorts, I just deleted the apps- safe in the knowledge I could reinstall them later.

I felt so relaxed and happy being with Mr Smile yesterday, because I felt like I could be myself and he'd get my jokes. I think if I'd met him sooner I would have written him off, but he's actually got a lovely quiet character. [brushing over the serious baggage for the time being]

Thank you for the replies

With the messaging, I have loosely gone for whoever didn’t send the last message the night before. Except Curly and I were messaging for over four hours last night... Saturday will be interesting to say the least 🤣

Can I join you on the 'can't be bothered' bench? I don't have cats but my daughter has promised to get me one when she moves out in a couple of years.

I'm getting very little interest on POF. Only from totally unsuitable men or ones miles and miles away.
I swiped left on about 20 men on Tinder yesterday - blurry photos, sticking their tongue out, snapchat filters, moaning about women in their profile. Not a single one made me think, yes, maybe I'd like to meet him.

My one iron, Mr Builder, sends a good morning message every day. But then I rarely hear any more from him. We can't meet for another week but it's getting a bit tedious now.

I only pop on here now and then but find it useful as very new to this and it's interesting you are talking about messaging.
I have had a few guys message me, conversations start and then they just stop, sometimes after just a couple of days, I just find it weird, why would you bother starting a conversation if you're not interested. I only reply to the ones I'd possibly like to pursue and just don't reply if there is no interest.
I try and suggest meeting up asap as from the couple of dates I've had I now know you can't tell if there will be any attraction just from photos and messages but some don't even get to that as 48 hours after messaging they've gone or done they don't even come back to me after my first reply.
I just assume they have found someone else they think is more for them!
It's a minefield!

FFS. Speak of the devil, he just messaged
I need to give him a chance. He deserves it.

Long time lurker here. I've just started OLD and have not followed the rules and really wish I had! Messaging a lovely man and had some phone conversations with him too before our date today. He was quite full on telling me he felt a connection with me and couldn't wait to meet and was already planning our second and third dates! I was totally smitten.

Then as the week went on he went very quiet. I asked if he was still ok to meet today and he has come back to me saying he cant't meet and hasn't messaged since. I would have been fine with this if wasn't for how full on he's been. Feeling gutted to be honest

Ex just asked if I'd be ok if our children were invited for a playdate with his girlfriend's children.
Can i just reiterate that it is not even 2 months since i ended our marriage die to his affair and the fact that thry used to meet up with her and her kids is not a free pass to keep doing it now he is with her. If anythibg it's worse because there's already a relationship between the children so they'd get attached quicker and it wpuld cause even more disruption should anything go wrong between him and the french tart.

Amazingly i managed to actually verbalise these thoughts instead of getting tongue tied with anger and pain. As soon as he left i screamed. Like proper screamed. I know the neighbours heard but i don't really care. Why does he feel the need to keep torpedoing me when I'm doing kind of ok?