Dating thread 173 - Winter is coming - 'cuffing' is optional

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

That's a relief @shitwithsugaron although he does seem to upset you quite regularly. But then I guess that's how relationships are. They're not easy.

Just stepping in to defend Bumble a little too! I have tried all the apps/sites and didn't find Bumble any worse than any of the others. In fact mostly the same men were on it as all the others!

I met Mr Ad on Bumble and we're 3 months in now. I also met another nice guy on there before Mr Ad who I dated for a little bit and he said he chose Bumble because he saw it as a "less sleazy" dating app so not all men on there are the same, as with any other app/site.
The world is full of idiotic people (men and women) so I guess law of average is that you are going to come across them on all of the apps at some point!

I just found no one ever responded. Ever! And the timer is annoying. That's just a gimmick, I mean what's the point of it? I think it's different demographics in different areas too. I might have a nose when I feel better. I've turned my tinder off for now. I am vaguely messaging a rather glorious beardster but he lives outside London and is I suspect looking for a hookup. He's so gorgeous I might consider it if I was feeling remotely libidinous.

I too think the apps are much of a muchness but I fell out of love with bumble and stopped using. I also found that the very guys who say on their profile “not into messaging loads on here” are the very ones who end up endlessly messaging.

Date no. 2 with Mr...I’ll call him Mr Flowers - the first date I’ve had in ages who’s brought me flowers! And a little gift. Dinner and drinks were fab, chat good and I feel like he really likes me and isn’t afraid to show it. Next date tbc

I actually feel a bit emosh when I think of how nice, generous and genuine he is compared to my last 2 relationships (although fireman said we weren’t even in a relationship).

Watch this space

khaleesi that’s lovely 😍

I have a date tonight, number 3 with Mr Train. I’m keeping a totally open mind. I don’t want to rip his clothes off but as such this is uncharted territory for me, having always either DTD on the second date or binned them off/been binned after 1st/2nd date. I soooo want to be emotionally available!

Have you had a snog @TigerDater ?

Yes, increasing degrees of snoggery on each date so far. Unfortunately on both dates it has been pissing down with rain so no real opportunity to take it further. Looks like tonight will continue that theme - being washed away here in the countryside!

I’m going for a coffee date tonight , first one ! Any tips ?? I can stand up and talk in front of 100 people for work but I am shaking 😂😂

Hi Jane, you sound lovely so just be yourself! Try to keep the convo light and just see what happens. I remember this well, I was on OLD years ago, I got so nervous about first dates, so very nervous.

I'm more nervous going into it again this time, I have created a profile but am keeping it hidden for now. I have had a few chats, but once I have sent a pic they don't seem that interested.....x

What makes it worse is we’ve been messaging for months so I feel more invested. I’m sure it will be fine 😬. When I’m nervous I don’t shut up 😬

I get nervous before first dates but I prefer to think of it as excitement. It could perhaps be fantastic, wahay! And if it’s not, well a story to tell. Generally my strategy is to smile a lot and take mental notes. And/or get a bit tipsy.

banghead why are you sending pics - do you not have them on your profile?

We are just going for coffee so I can’t get tipsy 😬.

Just put the pic on there. I used to hide my profile most of the time but just turn it on few hours at night on a weekend so I didn’t get 10000 messages

I don't know, I have just joined and am a bit dubious about putting pics! I had some awful experiences from OLD years ago.....

Also, I don't know what pics to put on really! Most of them are with my kids, I don't do selfies.

Is it acceptable to blank out my kids and put that one on? or shoul dI try and take some more.....

@bangheadhere40 Personally I wouldn't message/respond to anyone without pics on their profile and I don't like pictures with kids in either. I would get some selfies taken!

Can you get a friend to take some pics?

ok, so the advice is I need new pics!

I'm feeling a little down about my weight, trying to do something about it. Wondering if I am best not even bothering with OLD until I feel properly comfortable with myself. We will see!

I think my coffee date with Mr beard is in, he’s trying to squeeze me in around work today so could go pear shape if he gets called to another job. Feeling rough today, time of the month so feel bloated, none of my clothes fit and my hair won’t stay straight as it’s raining....panic 😬😬 it will be fine, it’s just a scruffy man with a beard (so I keep telling myself).

So I was all cheery and enjoying FWB and lookibg forward to a date with someone i actually liked and they've all cancelled.
One couldn't do FWB (and i presume didn't want a relationship with me since he bailed).
One was fine with FWB but has been on a date that might go somewhere in which case no benefits for me.

And Mr Beard, who I felt an actual connection with, is wary of a long distance thing and feels it would be better to call an end now rather than later.

So although I don't really feel it's due to any lack in me or what have you i nevertheless feel a bit fed up and low that I have a whole weekend to myself with no plans. No dates. And no Bumble because I've just run out of energy and I don't think I can 'present' myself to a series of new men and hope one of them gives a shit.

So I'm on the bench for now. Unless Mr Copper's date today is shit or Mr Beard decides I'm worth taking a risk for.

bang self-confidence is key to weathering the OLD storms, but you may find that the number of men who actively like a bit of extra weight will give you that confidence. That’s what I found, anyway. Pics on profile as a start are the thing I reckon. And I put my height as well (5’8”) as I know being tall-ish is a dealbreaker for many men so it’s best to let them weed themselves out from the off

Also my pics show I have specs, which in my day was a dealbreaker for young men. The delights of growing old - no one gives a shit any more!

how old are we all on here? I'm 38 :-)

and thanks Tiger - sounds like you have the right idea!