Dating thread 173 - Winter is coming - 'cuffing' is optional

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

Someone was berated on this thread for similar too @PinkMonkeyBird fairly recently.

Pink I have been following that thread. I do think people can fall in love and I believe she does love him (or thinks she does), bit no one in their right mind would move to another country with their kids to be with someone they met 8 weeks ago, she can’t truly know him? She’s setting herself up for a huge disaster. I have fallen in love quickly before, it ended very badly and he turned out to be a totally different person than the one I fell in love with, I put myself in danger by moving too fast and diving in too fast.

I think feeling that you're falling in love early on and acting rashly on it are very different things. I knew I would fall in love with MrSG very, very quickly. And we both said the L-word within a few weeks.

But we just continued to be all loved up and date until we were sure that we actually knew each other. We didn't decide to move in and emigrate together or anything like that.

At this point I know him really well. I've seen what he's like under extreme stress as well as during nice, happy times. I know all the ways in which he's quite irritating (he has tendencies towards faffing, FFS) and I'm still happy to live with him, marry him and have a baby with him. There's no way I could have been sure about any of the above 4 weeks in, however much he made my stomach go gooey.

I've fallen head over heels for MrM and he for me...we have spent a lot of hours together over the past 5 weeks and think we're perfect for each other. He has no kids I have 2. He knows his place and isn't pushing for more time with me/to meet them. He's leaving that up to me to decide...he's meeting my big sister this Saturday as she's very rarely in my area so want to get her opinion. My children don't know I'm dating as it's all done with my spare time. They won't be meeting him til March/April time. It's crazy but I really have never met anyone like him before and this feels very different

@PinkMonkeyBird I forgot to mention that she has a number of TED talks on youtube that go over the gist of what's in her books. That's a much easier way of learning a bit about it all. Here's one:

That sounds completely reasonable @KermitRulesOK. You're totally smitten but maintaining a grasp on reality and thinking about your kids. I can't see any reason why anyone could judge that.

Deciding to get married next week and move the kids to Argentina (for example) to be with him would be quite a different kettle of fish. And I think everyone would quite reasonably judge that, because it's batshit.

Congratulations @WooMaWang that’s fantastic news!!
Just trying to catch up a bit...
@shitwithsugaron that sounds rude and weird. I’d be a bit annoyed too, and then with the substitution!! Bit cheeky.
@saltysally 🤢

Nice to hear the smitten bench is filling up.

I had a pretty horrific chat on WA with Mr Fireman and really saw his true colours. I’d Delphi’s number, and all the chat and texts on messenger too. He got in touch and when I said I didn’t want to go there any more he became really offensive and hurtful, criticising me for being on dating apps and in the same breath that I was never anything to him and he’d never really wanted to be with me - it was him who pursued me each time... 😐

So, despite me already having told him no, he felt the need to really reject me and viciously so. I actually cried.

In massively stark contrast my date from Saturday has been texting me lovely messages every day and we’re heading for date number 2 on Thursday. He has said so many nice things and seems very genuine but my burnt fingers are keeping this in perspective.

*id deleted his number

I think the value of this thread and using friends as sounding boards is to double-check our loved-up brains aren't missing some vital clue that things aren't right. I had a long chat with a friend today actually, about Mr G and a certain reaction I've had to something he said. I think it's my baggage rearing its ugly head rather than anything concerning, but it was good to talk it over.

I don't share everything here, but I do appreciate the outside perspectives and wisdom provided.

@MoreNiceCereal I’ve found it very invaluable too. Early days obvs with new chap but feeling positive and just seeing how it goes. Wish I was the fresh, hopeful of last year but I suppose the experience will mean I’m on better form in the long run.

Blocked fireman on everything now too. History.

@KhaleesiTargaryen wow how awful about MrFireman...shocking and just put that behind you, so glad to hear he's blocked now.

@MoreNiceCereal ahh totally agree this is just so brilliant to give perspective. I'm having counselling to try to work out how to stop repeating history, and was just talking to BFF irl about it. Her point was how it's really good to be aware of issues like this, consider and talk about them on here/irl. Certainly with SBEXH I never did I was carried away on a crowd of lust love. By being aware in ourselves hopefully we can gain better judgement. I'm so pleased to have this thread, I read all of these, it's so so helpful!

What do I wear for a non date (coffee) tomorrow? We have decided the first date isn’t a date and that we are going to bump into each other at a coffee shop tomorrow 🤣, he’s not been in a date yet and finds the whole “meeting a random stranger” a bit odd so we have decided that we are just going to bump into each other and go for a coffee. He will be wearing work clothes (hands on job, not office job) so has told me not too put effort into dressing up or he will look silly 🤣

@Lovemusic33 I'd go for the jeans and knee length black boots, Primarni biker jacket....works well with most occasions....! I love a daytime coffee date!

It's winter-ish so jeans, jumper and boots. Depends on how casual you'd like to go - hoodie and docs Vs fine knit and Chelsea? I'd go with the docs personally, but I'm still breaking mine in so any excuse.

Agree this is a great place for a sounding board. Really needed to clear my mind of the last 24 hours. Feel much better now. Thanks all

Come join me on the block couch @KhaleesiTargaryen It's comfier than it sounds

Thank you, I have doc’s (I live in them) or Chelsea boots, I shall wear jeans and a jacket. I’m a little bit excited, we have been exchanging messages all day and he seems lovely, much more understanding then Mr Skinny. I have a feeling he’s pretty tall (I’m a short ass).

I have a feeling he’s pretty tall (I’m a short ass).

Me too. In my experience men don't much care about how tall a woman is, at least not to the extent that women tend to care about how tall the man is.

I quite like tall men, Mr skinny was short and skinny, nothing to grab hold of. For some reason a tall man makes me feel safe, I usually find they are gentle giants, short men seem to be more feisty.

You've hit the nail on the head there @Lovemusic33 my SBEXH was a giant but turned out not to be so reassuring and ex partner was super short....and feisty! I am trying not to make decisions based on height as I divorced a man based on how he treated me and his height in the end meant nothing....however I still do agree the height is a plus for me...

Whatsapp last seen is sending me loopy 😱 Yet again my message is unread despite him using whatsapp all evening. I should give up with this one shouldn't I.

Peanut get rid of the “last seen” feature, I got rid of it years ago as it made me so stressed when people had been online but not answered. It’s much better not knowing they have been on line.

@saltysally room for a small one on that bench? 😂🤗
It bloody hurt but that shock has firmly removed any trace of rose-tint.

Ah I turned off those blue ticks months ago and am much happier for it!!

I used to care about height but Mr G is an inch shorter than me and it turns out doesn't matter a single bit.

Date 2 with Mr Dog went well last night.
We bumped into some of my friends and he invited them to join us for a drink. He was happy to chat with them and was very friendly, happy to answer their questions.
I still have a few niggles about his health and his work and my friend commented after that she could see how much he likes me. But for now I'm just going to see how it goes.