Dating thread 173 - Winter is coming - 'cuffing' is optional

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

General question 😂. This Fwb thing, so do you just go round for a shag or do you do things together like go for a drink etc ? If it’s the second how is that different to dating 🤷🏼‍♀️. It’s so confusing these days

@Jane1978xx with my FWB, we hang out as well so almost friends first but with the affectionate part on top. I guess for me, mine is not seen as dating because I don't really get much emotional support, we don't go for nice dates out, it's just hanging out plus sex/intimacy

jane there are lots of different ways of doing FWB. I have one who I meet in a pub for drinks, then we spend the night together. Every week. It’s not a relationship because we don’t love each other - we’re friends who shag and cuddle. I do feel it’s so convenient though that it’s holding me back from finding a proper relationship so I’m dialling FWB back now.

@WooMaWang congratulations to you both!!!

@saltysally - definitely made the right call there! How gross is he. Ugh.

I've decided I can't do fwb, it's too much like a relationship and I can't pretend that. I did have a fuck buddy for a while (literally just meet up, shag, don't talk in between meeting), but it left me feeling empty and blah. So that's not for me either.

Just had a nice chat with Mr G. We did a video call via WhatsApp and it was so good to see his facial expressions while talking. I'm setting up camp on the smitten bench, possibly building an extension and all.

Hmm. Mr E (who I'm meant to be having 3rd date with on Sat) has ignored my last whatsapp that I sent hours ago. He hasn't even bothered opening it! I'm getting distinct vibes of he's not chasing therefore he's not that into me.

Thank you all. I still feel sick about his interests. I knew fab would be a good site for him. I just didn't think his interests would be as they are.

Wow this thread moves quickly!
And...a baby! Huge, happy congratulations @WooMaWang
@saltysally , urgh...so sorry to hear that.
@MoreNiceCereal, great news re Mr G and the smitten bench
@Peanutbuttermouth I’m in a similar situation but without the date lined up could he be particularly busy? .

I messaged mr Yorkshire after my ridiculous nerves & talking shite at him/ terrible end to the date and got a ‘lol, you were fine’ and non comittal text on Sunday evening which I replied to...nothing since & he has usually messaged each day, quite frequently
I’d quite like to know if he would like to get together again for 3rd date but I’m not sure how long to wait to ask, or if I should wait for him now (I sent the last text)?
I’m not sure what looks a bit pushy. I am (as you can tell) more than a little out of practice here.
I’m chatting to some other potential irons but do like Mr Yorkshire & would be more than happy to see him again.

@Jane1978xx I guess it depends on the person, my FWB was my best friend and an ex (just to complicate things), we did matey things as well as having sex with each other. It was different to a relationship as we weren’t going to love each other in a romantic way, he was having sex with other people and I was in the early stages of dating someone else. He used to babysit so I could go and see the guy I was dating.

Others it is just more of a booty call. But you need to establish rules and expectations together early on.

@Undecidedsofa I'd probably leave that one. You've sent a friendly text, he's been non committal, his pattern of texts has died down. Usually signs that its gone off the boil (for a variety of reasons and usually nothing to do with nervous chatter etc). In your sitch I'd delete his number and chats. If he gets in touch, great. If not. No temptation. But then I prefer the man to do the asking out in the early days, meanwhile I send friendly texts as a show of interest

@saltysally ooft. Unpleasant. Bullet dodged. Can a girl get a break eh?

My news. I've deleted all the apps for a few weeks now. It was a rough month previous and the whole thing turned me off meeting new people. Meantime me and the sailor talk each day and have done for a month of him being at sea. If you recall we had 1 date lasting 48 hours. He is back and coming round tomorrow. It feels very odd to have a 2nd date with someone I (in principle) know so much about

Ugh. saltysally

Like others I'm crap at relying on someone - my exh was emotionally abusive and emotionally stunted. Parents very detached and hands off. So I'm very self-reliant. Mr BC has properly been there for me (I'm still having issues with my father) - and he's helpful in practical ways too. I'm gettimg used to it!

Feeling rubbish this morning, I think I was hoping Mr Skinny would try and win me back even though it’s well and true lily over, the day after finishing with someone is always the hardest.

I have been keeping busy and have had a few matches with people on tinder including a man that is really my type (hippy, nature lover) but not getting my hopes up. Chatting to 3 or 4 people and a old iron that I went in a date with in the summer (he was lovely but a bit full on, like an excited puppy). Just chatting to people is keeping my mind off Mr Skinny and making me realise there are lots of other options out there.

Day off work today so I will probably crash at some point later when I run out of things to do.

How do you all find tinder? Much good for more than just a one off hook up?

Sure. It's how I met Mr G.

It's how I met MrM

I don’t think Tinder is just for hook-ups, no so that’s what you want. Its advantages are that so many people are on it (it’s a numbers game), you only message with matches, and you can’t send or receive photos so no chance of dick pics. And the woman is not driven to send the first message like Bumble, which to me seems like a male narcissists’ playground

*unless that’s what you want

Tinder has a mixture of people on it yes many are looking for a hookup but many are not. Most of dating sites have a mixture. I don't agree with the bumble comment though. I personally think it's ok that a woman messages first it's better than getting loads of hi messages on POF I think.

I think it’s fine to choose to message first, as I often do on Tinder, I just don’t like being forced to be the first.

Think I will follow rule 8 for a while and stop. Mr E still hasn't opened my message despite being online so I'm deleting the chat for now. If he comes back enthusiastically then fair enough but I can't be arsed with half heartedness! I also don't want to be one of many that someone is dating. I know it's what everyone does but it's not for me. Time to take a break methinks!

@TigerDater maybe I'm a fan of bumble as I met my DP there. Fair comment though

congratulations @WooMaWang !

What is it with guys who just cant hold a conversation? Never ask a question back, but always say hi.

after how long would u guys normally expect to talk about coming off dating apps and stuff?

Also I have been talking to an iron, who seems nice etc but I think he might be a bit neddy/chavvy. am I a snob? lol

@KermitRulesOK 'his future wife'. Squeee. 😁 I'm so glad you're happy. Isn't it funny how sometimes you just know this is it?

Sounds like a lucky escape @saltysally.

@Peanutbuttermouth I met MrSG on tinder. And it's definitely not just a hook up. 😂😂

Thanks everyone. We are both so bloody excited. It's ridiculous.

I find tinder much better than POF, I don’t get as many messages but I get better quality messages and less people looking for hook ups. I’m chatting to a nice bearded guy who seems friendly (I’m a sucker for a beard) 🤣