Dating thread 173 - Winter is coming - 'cuffing' is optional

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

Saw Mr Surgery for a lunch date, I was in his area (only 20 miles away) I wasn't wearing any makeup and my hair in a ponytail and he made me feel like the only woman in the room. He opened up more to me today of what he has been through and what is goi g on in his life. Then we went food shopping for the week for him. It's going to be a difficult few months for him but I know he can get through it.

@SimonJT whatever the Facebook version if Scrabble is called. We have been playing. No countdown as yet, his boss hasn't set the schedule yet, but they will definitely need his expertise over here for the next phase of the project. He's promised me he'll be here in December even if work doesn't send him though. I'll be here on the thread with a countdown ticker asap. 😂

@MoreNiceCereal I really like the idea of a LDR. Although as I'm broke they'd have to be the ones travelling here! I don't have a lot of time and it would be nice to know there's someone out there without having to see them that often. Mr G sounds lovely too.

@Dancerinthemoonlight that sounds soooo nice.

@Undecidedsofa if you're going to text him, keep it bright and breezy.

simon Sweden trip sounds great!
dancer that all sounds fab
sofa agree with others - bright and breezy (reminds me of Monica off Friends) text if you do text anything!
Hi to all others on thread.
So have had a lovely w/e with bf-9 months in now. Ds now seems to be accepting of him so that's great.

Re discussion about sexual chemistry-have had that only once on a 1st date which lasted only 1 hour as that was the only spare time I had.the sexual tension was palpable. 2nd date we met at a hotel for an overnighter and spa.However, the sex, although ok, wasn't the best and he turned out to be an alcoholic. With my bf it was a slow burn (well 3 dates/days of slow burn) then since dtd I haven't been able to put him down!

Oh sorry shit no definitely not you - I would have felt exactly the same in your situation. Strange behaviour in mr B's part. I'm getting so confused with the thread - remind me how long have you been with Mr B - it's quite a while now isn't it?have you met any other of his friends?has he behaved 'off' or weirdly on anything prior to this?

The ONE man I've met (I think ever) where I've had immediate sexual chemistry with turned out to be a complete and utter player, and emotionally unavailable to boot. We met through work and honestly if we'd been elsewhere I think we'd have ripped each other's clothes off there and then. Turned out he had a gf at the time. 6 months later, he came back to me saying he was single. We had a few months of the most incredible sex and then he disappeared. I still don't know if he was actually single! So I don't generally put too much stock in first date chemistry. If I'm feeling nothing whatsoever by the 3rd or 4th date then I'll give up. Usually it's still just curiosity at that stage.

Oh shit what knobbish behaviour!I'd make my own plans for tomorrow night that don't include him!if it's the first sign of knobbishness you've had from him I'd give him another chance (especially given that it been 7 months!) but I know I wouldn't be able to keep it all in and would end up having a rant at him about his behaviour.sending hugs

Hmm shit not acceptable behaviour at all-it is definitely his not you. I'm not very good at handling these sorts of things - I tend to go nuclear!-but I'm sure someone wiser than me will be along shortly to tell you how best to handle it x

That does sound tough shitwith. Perhaps put your cards on the table about his behaviour and how it made you feel. Re the future, I’m not sure I’d feel great about being with a man whose hobby I despise...

Ah, @shitwithsugaron that sounds rubbish, he knows you aren't into his hobby whatever it is but there's no reason for him and his friend to behave like they are 6 years old and laugh and exclude you. Children! Has he been in touch today yet?

The sexual chemistry debate is interesting - I don't tend to get that with people I have just met, which is why I find OLD so artificial in a way - I feel that blokes want to know if you are up for DTD right away when it would take me a bit of time to know if I was or not (unless they were spectacularly hot, which men my age tend not to be TBH!)

@SimonJT thanks for the link, have bookmarked it and looks interesting

@Dancerinthemoonlight what a lovely post. I almost always have no makeup and crappy hair haha, I need someone like Mr Surgery. I can make an effort for a while but doubt I could do it long term!

@Undecidedsofa - did you message him? I also have a messaging dilemma - been messaging a third iron, let's call him Mr Everyman, for a couple of days, he seemed very keen and nice and uncomplicated, and yesterday sent me his number and asked me to call him (even saying I could withhold my number if I was not sure about him). So I called him and we chatted for ages, had a great laugh, loads in common, I thought we got on brilliantly, then at the end of the call I said, 'Well I didn't withhold my number so if you want to keep in touch you can message me on WhatsApp' and he said he would but ... nothing! I mean no big deal as essentially he is a stranger, but just odd and now wondering if my WhatsApp profile pic is a hideous dealbreaker or I have a dreadful accent? Tempted to message him just to say hi so that I know whether to bump him off my list or not, what do you all think?

Also had 3 Americans 'visiting' trying to hook up with me. Where I live is not really a transatlantic hotbed and they are all gorgeous so suspect catfishing. Or maybe I need to get some more self confidence! One just messaged me now asking my surname which made me think 'why do you want to know at this stage?' Odd, yes?

Got a date Wednesday after work for a couple of drinks (if he shows up). My issue is that after a day in work I usually look a bit shit, make up faded, hair gone awry etc! And usually wear jeans to work or even gym kit with a long jumper shoved over the top for ease of changing if I go to the gym on the way home. So no idea what is appropriate to wear for a 5 - 7pm pub date with a new iron. Any help gratefully appreciated from all you first date veterans!!!!

Nicest jeans, smart jumper, smooth ponytail. Refresh makeup in the loos before leaving for the day. That's what I would do, anyway. Smart but casual.

Thanks @MoreNiceCereal. Ponytails I can do!

@UtterSocks They (Americans) seem likely to be scammers. No idea how it works, but why not make up a surname and see what ensues. Try something really silly like Pongstocking and see if they get it.

That guy that didn't WhatsApp - if he said he would but didn't and still hasn't, I would leave it. Some people maybe take some time to process their feelings but it doesn't take a moment to acknowledge the invite to WA. At a stretch he may think he has been downgraded from phone-up-able to chat-able. But think that's a stretch. Who wouldn't want further contact with someone they liked ?

Sorry I feel this has been a bit of a bonfire pissing post, so will wish you lots of luck for your date on Wednesday with a guy that actively wants to meet you

Hey people, haven’t been on the thread for a while. I carried on plodding a long with Mr Skinny, gave him a 2nd chance and as expected nothing really improved so this more morning I dumped him. Feeling a bit sad but I know it was for the best as he was such a negative person and I felt myself slipping into his negativity and almost sinking into depression. I told him this morning how I felt and he tried to blame me, said I was cold and hard work so I just told him it obviously isn’t working for either of us and told him to take care, so far I have had no reply so I’m guessing he’s just except it and won’t message again.

I need to find someone who gets me, someone who appreciates me and complements me (a little would be nice). I find it hard as I see the world differently to most people, maybe because I’m on the spectrum (not diagnosed), someone who’s so negative is never going to get the best out of me.

So, do I go back to POF? I’m worried he’s likely to see me on there, do I take a break? I have taken a lot of breaks but I like meeting people and dating seems to be the only way to do that or do I just look on Tinder as he’s less likely to see me? I do have a few old irons that have got in touch with me this week asking if I want to meet up, neither are really boyfriend material but could fill a gap and get me out the house.

@shitwithsugaron he just doesn't seem to think of you and how you might feel very much. Or have any empathy.

@Lovemusic33 it depends on whether you feel like you need a break or not. Doesn't sound like it!

I took a month to go back on the apps after mr U. But I have to say I'm not that interested and I'm not sure I can be bothered to go on a date. I won't be doing what I've done before which is giving most people a chance as it's interesting meeting new people generally. I was WhatsApping a couple but I ran out of steam. I'm quite happy not to meet anyone.

MrU saw me on tinder and although he pretended it was fine and he wants me to move on etc clearly it wasn't. I've added to his tale of endless woe. He's on to advertise his business and his profile doesn't even have his pic in it just his work. So that was fun. He was pretty upset and angry but knows he has no right to be.

shitwithsugaron this is one of the reasons I have just ditched Mr Skinny, we don’t really have any interest in each other’s hobbies and I’m just expected to watch his shitty tv programmes about his hobby when I go over. I would be really pissed off if he laughed at me In front of his mates for asking a question, maybe he’s showing his true colours?

unambig in a way i don’t feel like I need a break, I didn’t love this guy, there wasn’t really a connection, I am upset that it didn’t work out but that’s just me feeling disappointed as I thought he might change his ways (no one ever does and I need to learn this). I think I’m worried about his feeling if I go back on POF and I know I shouldn’t be, he had more than one chance to try a bit harder.

shitwith I wouldn't like being ridiculed either - gentle teasing is fine but ridicule and excluding you is Not OK. I would be having words ....

All still ecstatic in the Bats and BC camp 😍

@HairyArsedMan no worries, you are just confirming exactly what I thought, and good to have a bloke's view. PMSL at 'pongstocking' but just going to unmatch and block the fake yanks! (I thought nobody was that good looking in real life!)

Shame about WhatsApp chap though - not because I'm sad (I don't know him so how can I be?) but because I thought I could read people better than that and really thought we got on well. Ah well...

@Lovemusic33 I would like someone who 'gets' me as well. I am not hugely hopeful though. Just had another chap message me a couple of days after I liked his photo saying 'sorry for the delay, not being rude but I only look on here every few days because I still hope I am going to meet someone in real life ..'

I now feel like I'm his slightly tragic compromise so am going to avoid, haha

I have just put Tinder back on my phone, will have a look through later but looks like mostly the same people who were on there 6 months ago. The joys of scrolling through 100’s of photos of men holding a pint or a fish 🤣