Dating thread 173 - Winter is coming - 'cuffing' is optional

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

As someone who's had too many first dates, I can say that I rarely feel the need to rip anyone's clothes off. But that doesn't mean I don't like them or don't want to see them again. More that I'd rather get to know them a bit better. And find out if they are a good kisser.

My date with Mr Dog went well. I broke my rule of not dating anyone with a beer gut. The photos he'd sent were a couple of years old. But I'm glad I did because we got on really well. And there might have been a bit of snogging. Ok, a lot of snogging 😀

@EchoElephant I love that rule. I seem to have had the rule that I can only date men with a beer gut. They're good at hiding them in photos.

Yeay to snogging!

I have an iron. I guess. Started chatting an hour ago. Sparky chatting. Moved to WhatsApp. No sign of beer gut. We'll see.

Mr Camera has a beer gut and little interest in losing it. That doesn't bother me so much. His lack of effort in organising stuff is off putting though. I cancelled our date today. I will see if he makes a new one and what he arranges.

Lovely, lovely date with Mr Yorkshire last night - I like him...
BUT, no snogging or anything, which I think is my fault - I get SO awkward at the end of a date and kind of hug +run
He kissed my cheek + I think would have gone for a kiss but I started prattling on like a moron..I keep cringing.
There was lots of laughter, arm touching etc during the date.
I need help.

@Undecidedsofa it'll come when you're ready. If you're not ready to snog so be it. If he's worth it he'll wait. And you can both enjoy the anticipation. Was it first date?

@saltysally we all have our dealbreakers. I don't care about bald, short, etc but huge beer gut. Nope. Small paunch is totally acceptable.

Mr G is a gym-goer but will send me messages saying how much he hates it. 😂 Being healthy is important to him though, not a six-pack, so I think he has a balanced attitude between fitness and couch potato-ing.

@Undecidedsofa nothing wrong with end of date nerves. We've all been there!

@saltysally I wonder if his personality is unmotivated in general? That would put me off. I want someone who is interested in the world and has drive to do things, whatever that may be.

@EchoElephant three cheers for lots of snogging!

@TigerDater slowly getting to know someone and allowing for feelings to grow us really nice. Good luck.

And @unambiguousbeard as well - enjoy the new iron.

I like Sundays on this thread! So many nice updates and interesting conversation.

@MoreNiceCereal what are your next plans with Mr G then? Sorry if I missed that you have said that already.

@EchoElephant Yay for snogging. Snogging is fun

I can’t believe I shelved dating for so long after the last episode (I was on these threads under a different username in the 99s/early 100s versions. It’s so fun when it goes right. We were chatting about how awful OLD can be but you meet people you wouldn’t have otherwise. Though oddly enough, there is a chance we would have ended up meeting through my previous job, but I had to leave it in June when my older daughter got really ill. Life is funny.

Thank you @unambiguousbeard and @MoreNiceCereal
I would have quite liked a snog...I just seem to revert into a teenager ; it was the second date. Hope the new iron works out unambiguous
He has no beer gut and does spin classes - I have wine thighs though...
@EchoElephant - Yay!
@saltysally , I would be put off by the lack of organisation/motivation; my ex was somewhat like that and it really felt like hard work.

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking I would say we've all got baggage (unless we're really lucky) and I would class mental health issues as being part of that. I wouldn't necessarily run away from someone with mental health issues but would want to know that they had self awareness, strategies for dealing with their issues and understood the impact it had on you (i.e. weren't selfish about it).

FWIW I believe my ex has big mh issues but he refuses to admit them or go to a doctor so I don't believe he will ever be able to be in a happy relationship.

Undecidedsofa the hug + run is normal at the end of a first date, for me. Nothing wrong with it. Has he been in touch since the date?

saltysally lack of effort to organise anything would be a dealbreaker for me.

unambiguousbeard had I seen a recent photo of Mr Dog, then I would've said nope because of the beer gut.

I'm athletic and look after myself. My ex-husband, despite family history of diabetes and heart problems, did zero exercise, drank a lot and ate a huge amount of sugary food. He has a huge beer belly and it's not attractive on him.

But Mr Dog has had health issues that have affected his weight. And he is trying to do something about it.
Plus he has a great personality, is a good kisser and makes me smile a lot. So I'm overlooking the beer gut and giving him a chance.

Thanks everyone for your comments.
Mr Camera has had a lot of drive in the past for many different things so has the ability to do it. Maybe that's what makes it harder knowing he could/has but isn't..

Have sent him a nice message telling him my concerns about us wanting different things. He normally replies pretty fast and hasn't yet. Am sad to let him go but quite sure I will be. Messages and contact details deleted. 😔😔

@Horses4 I think that's the best thing about dating. You meet all sorts and people you'd never normally come across. And it's interesting. And the best way to approach it. Then if you meet someone you do want to be with it's a bonus!

Lots of activity on here! Cuffing season seems to be in full swing. Nice to hear all the updates. with regards to first date chemistry and ripping off of clothes, I'm not sure Ive ever felt that either but I've felt intrigued enough to want a second date and a smattering of desire at points through the night, just while noticing nce eyes, smile... that kind of thing.

@Undecidedsofa I get those nerves too!
@saltysally no oomph would be a worry for me too. Especially at the start when there should be oodles of it!
@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking my date yesterday was arranged on Thursday and we didn't text eaach other until I texted yesterday to say I was on my way. I was a bit worried he wouldn't show up.

@EchoElephant snogging envy here!!

I've had a few first dates the past couple of weeks, but for me I've not felt it til last night. We met for a coffee, which lead to drinks then dinner then cocktails!! Chat was good, attraction was definitely there and a kiss on the lips later but no snogging. However lots of nice, enthusiastic texts this morning and a second date is already planned. It was so nice to feel desired and have a good flirt.

The only (silly) thing that concerns me is he lives very close to Fireman and is the same age. I'm a bit worried they might know each other.

@saltysally agree about the lack of effort thing. As @HairyArsedMan kindly told me, they will make an effort if interested!

I think there is something in the air as I'm getting lots more interest than usual so must be men panicking about a lonely Xmas! One seems interesting, MrSales but will need to see if an actual date happens as messaging isnt as frequent as I'd like.
My FWB definitely helps me not overinvest in anything!

@eesha he shows a lot of interest, just not effort at organising things.

Anyhow break time for me again. Think I'll be back in the NY. Enjoy your festivities and romance everyone. ❤️❤️❤️

@Horses4 he'll be back in the country in December. They are gearing up for Thanksgiving over there anyway, and in my experience it's almost a bigger deal than Christmas.

Until we see each other again we make do with regular messages and me kicking his butt at Words with Friends 😂

@EchoElephant. Yeah ! Hope there’s a second date on the cards

@saltysally sorry I didn't read back story enough. I actually know quite a few men like that but all married. I guess if not organising stuff early on, then that's a bit slack.

My iron's got shingles apparently so that's the next two weeks out at least... 🙄

Ok, wise gurus of dating....I am not sure what to do next.
I texted Mr Yorkshire when I got home with an 'I'm home, lovely to see you' message last night; he did the same about 20 mins later.
Nothing since. We have usually messaged each day.
I do like him
We have both been on 'Match' today (I did look to see if he was on or not..)
I am not sure what to do. I feel like I gabbled like a loon saying good bye to him - about absolute crap to do with my car, my ex...everything you could think of that would make you cringe.
Do I message him? Leave it to him? apologise for gabbling?

@Undecidedsofa could you text and say hi and try and start chat again. If he doesn't come back with much, then leave it.

How long do people leave stuff before deleting? I was chatting away to someone yesterday then just disappeared and nothing heard today. I'm assuming not interested anymore but seemed strange. Or do I assume just busy and not on app.

thank you @Eesha. I tend to delete if it has tapered of after about 48 hours - only because I know when I have a crazy couple of days, I may not be able to message.

I was wondering about being really honest and messaging him to say I have a tendency to gabble when I am nervous, I really enjoyed his company, and therefore subsequently talked nonsense...?
Or if that is too much...

@Undecidedsofa i would message and say hello rather than apologise. Then see how it pans out.

I might then delete tmw if nothing heard!

Depends what your convos have been like before. I don’t think what you say really matters if he likes you he likes you 🤷🏼‍♀️. You just need to convey you like him and see what happens

@TheresGotToBeMoreToLife I don’t think you need the whole rip their clothes off thing, some people need to get to know someone a bit before they fancy them. I’m a very much lust at first sight person, but that in itself can be a problem as it can make you ignore things you really shouldn’t ignore. My current boyfriend and I were back at his within an hour of meeting but I’m a ho which is fine, but it can mean you get home and think “shit, I don’t actually know anything about him” so then you have go meet properly to actually just chat. Slow burn is better.

@Horses4 I hope your cat is okay.

@Undecidedsofa I would probably message and make a joke out of the awkwardness, everyone gets nervous, try not to worry about it too much.

@MoreNiceCereal whats words with friends? Are you on an official countdown until december?

Booked some January flights to Sweden today to meet the parents, going to be a bit of a brown trouser moment.

Does anyone else read these?
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/series/blind-date
theguyliner.com/date-rates/