Dating thread 173 - Winter is coming - 'cuffing' is optional

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

Thanks for the advice.

Unambigious - I do try to hang on sometimes and he will message - some time in the evening.

Notcool - yes I have thought about asking him in person whether I message him too much and would he rather I didn't. But when we do meet up, we get on so well that all my worries about whether he's into me or not disappear. This is a good thing I know.

Uttersocks - yes I could joke about it. He's very laid back and I like to think the reason he hasn't messaged me is because he feels so comfortable that he doesn't need to. I think I'm probably a bit more needy on that front!

I think what has happened to me is that my experience with online dating has made me a bit insecure - always thinking that they could bin me off at any moment even if it all seems to be going well. OND is crap like that - I'm not really an insecure person in other ways.

@Lompopo. I think it’s just someone’s personality how and when they message. I just think don’t hang on just say something if you want to.

@EchoElephant good luck ! Sounds very promising

Yes good luck @EchoElephant.

I've just had coffee with my friend and she does know Mr Beardish . She said he is intelligent and I might like him but there were some issues at work so she was a bit ... but she said to go for it as work politics not my problem.

In the meantime was messaged by a gorgeous Italian American. Tempted, but he's just visiting and although a hook up is tempting I'm way too out of practice and probably can't meet the timescale

And I have a date with someone I'll call MrSmooth on Wednesday, quick after work drink. Hinge is certainly working out for me better than POF. Or maybe it's my lucky username all of a sudden

Hello,
So good to find somewhere to talk about this! My bestie is in a crap marriage that she hates and is really not into listening to my dating stories...
Recently had a thing with an old friend which was so weird. We met up then I found out he actually really fancied me and I had been thinking the same 17 years on from when we were friends before. One text led to another building up to a very nerve wracking (sp?) wait for him to come round one evening - it was great fun and fixed a rather long abstinence on my part
Then he decided he wasn't that into the whole idea so I told him to bugger off as I realised that fwb is not for me, which is annoying as love the idea of it.
Then started chatting to new bloke (someone please explain the iron thing??) and again the texts got graphic - am I text slut?!? Not going to be able to meet him for a couple of weeks but seem to get on well so far... scary though, am terrified I'll meet him and not feel anything

Last minute second date arranged with Mr Yorkshire for this evening
Hope everyone is having a good start to the evening
I’ll send a loo update!
@EchoElephant have a great time & update !
Good news @UtterSocks

So it's a week till my proposed date with Mr Beard and I am, as agreed, not messaging him and letting him...sort stuff out. Whatever that means.

The question is - at what point do i write him off? If he doesn't message me until the day previous I'm not sure i want to jump and be available still. However he did specify rhat he still wanted to see me then, so he has bookes in advance... just not sure what rules to play here. He has been open and talked to me but i was enjoying talking to him and am a bit mystified by the withdrawal. Thoughts?

I would probably come to the conclusion that he's married or similar NoMore and write him off but then I am very cynical!

Hrm. We videochatted quite a lot recently. Would have been difficult to hide a spouse.

Tbh I'm more concerned about MH issues but then that's my particular worry after 15 years with someone who has severe depression and anxiety

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking How many dates have you had?
To be honest, no chat at all before your date sounds a bit strange to me. If you like someone you want to chat to them, surely?

Seems like too much hassle. Can't be bothered with it.

I had my very first OLD date last night. My partner and I only just split up so I feel like it was way too soon but I was bored and feeling lonely so agreed to go along.

It was fine... but I just didn't fancy him. On paper he'd be great for me but I just couldn't get past the fact that I didn't want to rip off his clothes. Is that weird?

@TheresGotToBeMoreToLife I don't really understand people's need to have a desire to rip someone's clothes off on a first date to be honest. Sex is great but surely there needs to be something a bit deeper there first? I don't want to rip someone's clothes off unless I fancy them mentally first.
Also, you've said yourself it's too soon so maybe that's why.

I think you know if there is chemistry though?

Chemistry can build or it can be immediately apparent. I've experienced it both ways. Mr G and I slept together on our first date; I wanted to keep it casual but he pursued me for something more serious and here we are, dating long distance. Not what I planned but he's actually really amazing and I'm glad it's worked out this way.

@Sunshineandflipflops. I think it depends on the people I can feel like that about someone I’ve never met in person 😬

Great to read @MoreNiceCereal

As wrong as it sounds I'm hoping Mr Camera dumps me at the moment. Pmt, work stress and health issues aren't exactly putting me in the best frame of mind. Yet I can't shake off this feeling I should stick around him for a bit longer. I need a crystal ball.

Crystal ball sounds amazing tbf

Haven’t had time to come on this week but had date with Curly tonight. We had to massively change plans because one of my cats became severely unwell yesterday and I only got the call at 3 that I could collect the cat. He drove in to my city this evening instead of where we had planned to meet, and it was genuinely the quickest five hours imaginable. Non-stop conversation and loads of chemistry. He has sports competitions and stuff going on over the next couple of weeks, but date 2 definitely on the cards at the end of the month.

So sometimes lengthy messaging doesn’t work out and the reality doesn’t live up to it, it definitely did tonight

Ah that's lovely @Horses4

I have friends round tonight and am drunk texting Mr G, he thinks it's hilarious luckily.

So I put myself back on tinder with the help of some profile feedback from @HairyArsedMan. It's not too bad. And what is a relief is it's not the same old faces, I've not come across any old irons (comic pause) at all or even any old matches. I'm not sure I can be bothered to get into the endless messaging and I'm not sure I even want a relationship with someone but I guess that's the best way to be as I'll only go for it with someone who is really worth it.

In other news I saw on SM that mr u seemed to have had another set back. Instead of messaging him I messaged his best female friend to ask about it. And it's a really shitty thing that's happened but I resisted messaging him. And she won't tell him.

Re the immediate ripping of clothes thing. I've never really felt that first date. Or a "spark" whatever the hell that is. I've never had it on date 1. Interest and curiosity about what's under their clothes yes but certainly no instant attraction. I can't actually tell about chemistry til I kiss someone. But there are men I don't even want to kiss because I definitely don't fancy them . And men who are dicks so I don't kiss them in case I do!

Chemistry is an odd thing though, isn’t it? For me first date chemistry isn’t about wanting to rip each other’s clothes off, but absolutely is about that flow of conversation and feeling comfortable.

Having said that @TheresGotToBeMoreToLife, it does sound like it is a bit soon and you’re not in the right place for it right now.

I’ve had that first date/meet chemistry several times in my life, it’s incredible. Sometimes it has been a precursor to something special, but not always 🤷‍♀️ I didn’t have it with the guy I’m dating now, but the feelings have grown, it’s interesting