Dating thread 173 - Winter is coming - 'cuffing' is optional

[CodLiverOil556]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

Evening all. It is reassuring to hear that if you keep at it you'll eventually get somewhere. I'm verging on giving up (again). I have a first date tomorrow with Mr E, we're meeting on his lunch hour. I have very little hope or enthusiasm for it but it's only an hour and a shared lunch so what the hell. Apart from him, I'm chatting to a couple of others but again, no real enthusiasm from my side. Think part of my trouble is my cynicism. They compliment me, I disbelieve and ignore it. In fact the less complimentary they are, the better!

Long distance is tricky but I obviously don't have a problem with it right now. In fact, it's nice that my Mr G isn't around for a while, I have a huge amount of work to get done before mid-December and he's a bit of a distraction as it is....

Hi all ... I'm back after a long time lurking. Plenty of Fish alarmed me so much I decided to swerve the apps, and my 3 irons from there didn't work out (breadcrumbing one who would not set a date, one who wiped a biscuit he'd dropped on the floor on my dress and bragged about his much younger ex during a coffee date and one who lived too far away). But I'm inspired by some of your lovely tales on here, and also lonely and a bit sad in the run up to Christmas so have gone on to Hinge. I've had a few matches and they seem better than the POF lot, but am not getting my hopes up. Also finding the site confusing. Why can't I see all my likes at once? Any tips?

I just matched and was talking with a man on Bumble. Talking about what we were doing so I mentioned I was looking for a dress for my friends wedding at the end of the month and he asked to see some pictures so I sent him one. All I can say is he is the biggest dickhead as I am too fat to wear one of the dresses and I should return it. Then he unmatches after I have read it so I can't call him out on it. It's similar to a dress in my profile pictures aswell. It's stupid how one little comment from a man you don't even know can make you feel really self conscious of your stomach and make you feel fat

@Dancerinthemoonlight all i can say is wow, the nastiness in some people out there can be shocking. Take heart in the fact that this isn't normal, he was probably a troll/nutjob and that it doesn't define who you are, it's all him. Weirdo.

@Dancerinthemoonlight vile. Really vile.

And @Ndotto he wiped a biscuit on your dress?

You're not tempting me off my dating no thanks bench.

@Dancerinthemoonlight please don't let him affect you and how you feel about yourself. Urghhh

You've reminded me of when I was going to a wedding 6 months pregnant. I was never neat in pregnancy. I splashed out on one of those Isabel Oliver dresses on eBay and exH looked at me in utter disgust. He said I looked fat and asked if I could do something about my huge boobs. Still took me another 5 years to leave him though. Not meaning to make this about me sorry. If you let this man get to you then he's succeeded.

Horrible little troll. I had someone tell me I looked at least 10 years older than what I am. Firstly - no, I don't. Secondly - looking like a late 30s woman is nothing to feel ashamed of. I've earned every one of my laugh lines and white hairs thanks very much.

There are people (men) out there who very much enjoy stomping on a woman's self esteem. What sad, tiny lives they must live.

Thank you all. I sent the picture of me to a male friend and he said the dress shows off my amazing curves. So I suppose it's all personal preference.
I'm still trying to get out the mindset of when I was heavier as I lost 3 stone in the past year and I still see myself like that

@Peanuthedz yep! To be fair, he did it in a jokey way to cover for dropping a biscuit on the floor like a klutz! But he was a bit too try-hard and showing off. I think he would be the sort of person I'd be friends with at work but wouldn't want to date - quite conceited. I did not have much luck in my first round of OLD and so far on Hinge I've 6 matches, and the only one with great chat is the least physically attractive - but he also lives near me and is funny. The best-looking one has so far done nothing but moan about how awful dating sites are. I'm not sure why he's bothering? I mean they are, but not selling himself!

@dancerinthemoonlight what an awful man. He is probably a sad old troll who gets his kicks out of insulting women. You don't even know is his pics are genuine, he could be 90! But I hope you don't let it get you down, you sound lovely. I am actually only back on OLD as I am feeling quite sad and lonely (despite busy life) and so a bit fragile, I think I would overreact at the moment but agree with @MoreNiceCereal - they have sad tiny little lives. Sod them.

Waiting on lunch date now 😱 wish me luck!

Ooh good luck!!!

Dancerinthemoonlight what a horrible thing to do. This wasn't about how you looked. He's the sort of person that would find anything to be nasty about. See it as a lucky escape. I'm sure you looked amazing in the dress.

Peanutbuttermouth good luck!

I've had three men in a row tell me that I look "sweet and nice".
Of course I am lovely but I'm wondering if looking sweet and nice is a bad thing.
And this is why I'm not getting a lot of interest. And what I can do about it.

Keep the sweet and nice pics @EchoElephant but throw in one of you looking stunning and ready to go out? I find it a fine line, too many pics of me looking glam and dressed up and I get the wrong sort of guy, not enough and I get the boring ones.

My lunch date was way more fun than I was expecting. He came across as quite dry and dull over text but was lively and funny in person. Just not sure I fancied him but will def see him again as people can grow on me.

@dancerinthemoonlight trust your friend's opinion over this horrible little internet wankstain. Some people get kicks out of insulting others, unfortunately online we are vulnerable to this. Head up high, on to the next!

Mr Camera continues to grow on me too. We've been together a whole week. That's like practically married isn't it? Very very early days. He likes the idea of a festive fling. I'm good with that.

I've just had an iron call me 'hun', and 'sweetie'. Ugh. He is very witty apart from this anomaly. Do I tell him to stop? Or am I being too prissy and mumsnetty? I have no idea what is normal (but a middle aged man saying 'hun'?)

Glad your date went well @Peanutbuttermouth

@EchoElephant I'd go for someone sweet and nice but then am not keen on getting dressed up myself so would be scared off by someone too smart looking!

@saltysally YAY to Mr Camera and you !

Delurking fan of outdated recording technology here. NCed since September when I gave up the apps.

But I couldn’t let what happened to dancer pass me by. I am raging on your behalf, and all of ours. What a nasty, shitty little man. Have you reported him? He is an utter misogynist, and I believe they are populating the apps in increasing numbers. We need to protect ourselves. I think Rule 3 should be beefed up somehow. And maybe add ‘because of wankstain internet trolls, do not sext or send pics of any description until you have met - if then’?

I hope you’re ok dancer. It goes without saying that you have done nothing to deserve this, and that you have more beauty and value in your little finger than that heap of shit has or will ever have.

I'm feeling a lot better now thank you all. Talking with a potential iron on POF and he wanted to see more pictures of me so I sent the picture and he says I have a wonderful figure so it must have just been that dickhead who thought it and seemingly no one else.
If it works I have cropped my head out of the picture and attached it although to anyone who knows me irl it's identifying because of the plaster but all my friends know I'm dating.

And now the pof potential iron get blocked. Why do some men in their 20s think unsolicited dick picks are a good idea

@Dancerinthemoonlight - you look stunning! You have a great figure and I bet most (normal) men would agree.

You look stunning dancer! Wear that one for sure 😊

@Dancerinthemoonlight Oh dear...you're not having much luck. I've still never received an unsolicited dick pic, thankfully but I generally go for older men (40+) so maybe that's why...no idea.

Although Tinder has a ‘hookup’ reputation, one of the reasons I preferred it was because no pics could be exchanged. And the perviest pervs I encountered were on Bumble and Match

I tend to go for men within a 10 year age range being 26-36 as I'm 26. Although I get mistaken for being 21 all the time. Still trying to arrange date number 2 with Mr Surgery but his car has been vandalised and he needs to get that sorted. So I figure as we have only been on 1 date I can still see if there is anyone else out there who I'm interested in but not really feeling it with anyone else at the moment.