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Original poster

Is he a cocklodger?

232 replies

Lackademic · 21/10/2019 15:18

Rarely used NC, I'd rather this didn't follow me about.

DP and I have been together 3 and a half years. He lives an hour bus ride from me (he doesn't have a car, I do, and it's 40 mins driving) and stays at mine every weekend Fri night - Mon morning and sometimes 1 or 2 nights per week.

He eats like a horse. His portion sizes are huge. He doesn't ever cook anything unless I specifically request that he do so, otherwise he'll just wait to be fed; and I actually don't even ask him anymore because when I do he makes such gigantic portions which to be frank I cannot afford.

I shop every weekend for food. He does not contribute to the cost of this except perhaps every couple of months or so, when he might suddenly decide to pay half. He does occasionally buy a take-away.

He bitches about the cost of bus fare to come and see me... Every. Single. Time.

Until recently he was sharing a house with 5 other blokes, not much communal living space, small bedroom. I rarely went there unless I was picking him up or driving him home. Since August he's been in a lovely place with one other bloke. Three times I've told him how nice it would be if I came round and he cooked for me. I get vague agreement, no plans.

The vast majority of his clothes live in my wardrobe. I do all his washing.

I earn about £900 per month more than him (but work full-time to his 0.8). From this I pay a mortgage, car costs, wrap around care and private tutoring for my child, and vast petrol sums driving son to school / collecting / going to work; also obvs all household bills. He pays £450 p/m rent including bills. My outgoings far far far exceed his and I have far less disposable income.

I feel like he's massively taking the piss out of me. He comes to my house, gets fed, gets his clothes washed, uses my hot water, heating and electric and contributes absolutely fuck all.

Nice points: obviously we get on well or I wouldn't bother. He helps my son with maths homework which I can't (dyscalculic). He does occasionally contribute to housework / maintenance.

Am I being a complete mug?

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 21/10/2019 17:17

Once you've dumped him use the money you've saved from the food shop on a really excellent vibrator. The ones at the back of Good Housekeeping magazine look rather marvellous.

MovinOnUp · 21/10/2019 17:17

Get one last decent shag out of him then tell him to do one :)

gnostick22a · 21/10/2019 17:18

He is taking the piss. it’s hard when you are on your own and I get adult company is nice, but really!

RhinoskinhaveI · 21/10/2019 17:19

If he's great in bed I'd booty call him when I wanted some then boot him out afterwards :)

RhinoskinhaveI · 21/10/2019 17:20

'We were going out one Friday night and he started to look for his clean ironed shirts.. I pointed out they were still in the laundry basket dirty, and he needed to do his own washing and ironing or take it back home to mummy'
hilarious!

Cherrysoup · 21/10/2019 17:23

Why does he only work 0.8? Is he lazy as well as tight?

glitterfarts · 21/10/2019 17:25

Just text him your account number and "your share of the food last month was £200".

See what he says. When he objects, break up with him.

MotherofTerriers · 21/10/2019 17:27

If you're wobbly because he's going to be unpleasant and confrontational, reduce his opportunity to do that
Box up his stuff and drop it at his place, text or phone to say its not working for you. Or that you need space for a few weeks. Get a friend to stay with you, or stay with a friend for a bit. If he has a key, change the locks.

Ellie56 · 21/10/2019 17:30

In answer to your question -y es he is a cocklodger and an unpleasant one too.

As PP above suggested, pack his stuff up drive it over to his place and dump it with a note, saying that MN classic, "This is no longer working for me."

Then drive back home, block him on your phone and start looking for a maths tutor for your son. Then enjoy the extra money you will have from not buying so much food and the extra time you will have from not doing so much washing.

yossell · 21/10/2019 17:30

I am a maths tutor and your post has made me realise I'm under charging.

cstaff · 21/10/2019 17:32

@Cosmos45
I love the way you operate. Nicely done.

TheMustressMhor · 21/10/2019 17:34

I am a maths tutor and your post has made me realise I'm under charging.

Ah, but are you amazing in bed as well?

Butterymuffin · 21/10/2019 17:44

Think of the extra money you'd have to spend on your son with out this bloke draining you dry.

incognitomum · 21/10/2019 17:47

Thank goodness you're dumping him.

Best of luck.

Mix56 · 21/10/2019 17:47

So, say, "This is working for me anymore". this relationship is not working.
if you absolutely must explain, "I can't afford it, you are not participating in chores, costs, & you moan. I'm done. "

Mix56 · 21/10/2019 17:48

"isn't" obviously

JumpiestBat · 21/10/2019 17:51

You are strong minded and experienced and you know what's what. He can get the bus down for sex if it's good but he can do his own washing and he's not moving in without stepping up his contribution overall. You can only be a speshall guest for so long.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 21/10/2019 17:52

No-one loves you more than a man who wants somewhere to live Wink

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 21/10/2019 17:54

No-one loves you more than a man who wants somewhere to live

You must have met my ex.

MoreCuddlesForMummy · 21/10/2019 17:55

I’ve nothing to add but wanted to give you a handhold. It’s easy to just bumble along and it’s easy to be resentful. It’s hard to do the right thing because what’s right is often difficult. However. You’ve made some good realisations today. Well done!

SuperMeerkat · 21/10/2019 17:57

If you even have to ask then, yes, he’s a cock lodger. Get rid @Lackademic

bakesalesally · 21/10/2019 18:02

Good luck OP! Be firm!

TimeForNewStart · 21/10/2019 18:04

He bitches about the cost of bus fare to come and see me

Oh god how unattractive!

RhinoskinhaveI · 21/10/2019 18:18

He bitches about the cost of bus fare to come and see me
very little self awareness, I mean he's really overplaying his hand isnt he :o

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